Ar-Ghost

I am Ar-Ghost, Arthelius-Ghost. Why? I thought that sounded cool, Roman sounding name. It came from a playful conversation between me and my ex-girlfriend, a long time ago now.

Who is Ar-Ghost? He is an aging white guy from Cen Tx. He is stricken with severe anxiety disorder and has strong agoraphobia.

Doesn't go outside if he doesn't have to. Doesn't go anywhere other than the store and to the lavandiera.

He feels self-conscious about his belly, his teeth. He has strong misandry, doesn't even like his own maleness.

He can get depressed. It has happened before. Got pretty dark there sometimes. But appeal brings it a new way to feel. Appeal could be anything. For Ar-Ghost, it's underwear. He has bought underwear from many places, seeing what's more comfortable.

He likes MeUndies. Anyone who has worn a pair would. He is wearing some now.

He is mulling buying a 5-pack though that is a pretty large hit to his budget.

He has urinary system problems and tends to have accidents. This has to do with his stress-damaged prostate gland. It always hurts to some degree.

Ar-Ghost has been sick for the last week with an upper respiratory infection. He is getting better after a thoroughly unpleasant time.

He tries not to feel anxiety, tunes out. Listened to Jimmy Somerville today. That's not an everyday thing. Ar-Ghost likes 80s music. He was a kid in the 80s and kinda missed some of it.

Ar-Ghost stayed up yesterday to watch a rocket launch that was scrubbed. He is not young anymore, he is three seasons away from 40.

Ar-Ghost fears his elder life.

But aside from writing about myself in the 3rd person, I will tell you this.

I am Gregory and I am still here.

Oh, Gosh

I am still sick. My throat is no longer sore unless I cough.

This does not excuse having beastly hair on my face. I am better than what I was in the last few posts. I no longer have a fever and the mucous is subsiding. I still cough some up but it is not as bad.

Why does this keep coming up? I am unused to being sick. I haven't been sick in a long time. I stay inside all the time and don't go anywhere.

I scrubbed my nose with proactiv as I said I would. I do not know if it made a difference.

I did have an accident. There are 2 overlapping scars on my upper lip. The older one was from when I was a kid and my mom's Chihuahua bit me. The other, which I cut, was from a can hitting me in the mouth as I took down a display in the old store I used to work in.

I hate multiple bladed razors. I do not know why I have one. I was using an old shaving cream as I ran out of the Aveeno kind.

I am running out of everything, deodorant, shampoo, orange juice, no cookies, it's stupid. There is a large interval typical of 31 day months between when my benefit comes.

I will be okay, I believe. I am getting better but I am having urinary issues related to my prostate gland problems. I don't like peeing on myself. It hurts when I don't do the m-thing for a while. I did not feel like it when I was sicker than I am now.

If this illness was caused by a bacterium, it could migrate down to the prostate and give me a bacterial infection, which hurts like a mf.

Anyway, this is a shave check post. I do not feel 100% so I am not as cute as I could be. I desperately need a haircut.

That spot on my lip is where I cut that canned vegetable can scar, it's blood.

Worse?

How sick am I? It seems to be worse than first thought. First, this started as an allergy thing, watery eyes, sneezing and a fever.

But yesterday, I started coughing, a lot. When I woke up today, my throat rages and I have lost my voice. I can talk but not very well. It is unpleasant to talk because it makes me cough.

I don't seem to be coughing up a lot of anything. I feel a strange tickle in my throat like you feel when you cough.

I still had a fever but I have Tylenol which has let it subside for now.

I am hungry but my throat.... I only ate a chicken sandwich, maybe I shouldn't have but damn it, I am hungry.

I get so thirsty. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking tea but I am.

Coughing is painful now. It hurts my throat and makes my head pulse. This is a sinus thing or what?

I don't have the money to see the doctor yet. This would happen in the last week... fucking months with five weeks in them. They are always the worst.

My phone's minutes run out two days before I get paid. That's a 30-day thing, an illustration about the bad part of a monthly payment.

I do not know if I will still be sick when I get paid. I hope to God not. I will go to the doctor if so but assuming I am getting worse, will I make it?

I don't remember when I was last sick like this. I was, I worked at wm then. I self-medicated which I cannot do because I have no money.

It's a vicious circle.

My nose, raw from wiping and being near the heater, seems to choose this moment to peel. I will scrub it with Proactiv before I shave. I don't know if you look at my nose in my shave check picture. Why should you? Noses seem to be an obscene thing to me.

Burping. Been doing that a lot. I don't know what is up with that.

I shouldn't have gotten sick. What the fuck? I am all but a shut-in. I don't leave this place more than three times a month or when I have to do my laundry.

Could I have gotten sick there? I don't think so. I avoid getting close to people, my agoraphobia avoidance.

I don't know how I got sick but until my throat subsides, the mucous river cuts back, and my voice returns, I will be sick.

Hate it so.

Hate Sickness

I hate being sick. I haven't been sick in a long time. What is different about now?

I had to get a big box of Puffs. My nose is clogged, slowly leaking high-grade mucous. That mucous, I have seen naughty films where a female gags herself on fellatio and spits up the same mucous. How in the world is that attractive? It feels good to receive it but not so watching it.

What is the point of this mucous? What is my body doing?

I have lost my voice, I try not to talk, it kind of hurts.

I don't like being sick. Doubt seriously anyone does but really, it's just awful.

I slept for 10 and a half hours. What is happening to me?

I don't like getting up at 5 pm but did on this Hate Sunday.

Feel the worse when I do wake up.

My digestive system seems not to be affected. I still get hungry and can eat. God forbid if I have another accident. I think that was because it was dia-icky and I didn't realize it. I did clean my MeUndies which aren't really supposed to be washed and dried in the fashion I usually do laundry. Heat blasting dryer, I mean, it costs quarters to keep it going. I set it to hot and set it for 30 minutes. 35 to 40 minutes for pants and towels. HAVE to be dry because of the long stretches between the time I can do laundry.

I hate being sick. I hope it fades before my benefit comes. It is embarrassing being sick in public. You feel like you shouldn't be out and about.

But really, that is in like a week away. I have been sick for going on 4 days already. If it goes on for that long, what damage is this doing to my body?

I can't go to the doctor now. I may have medicare but if he prescribes a medicine, which is usually the case with my doctor, I could not afford to get it right now.

Fucking greed in all of the healthcare and pharma industries.

I have not seen my doctor since the summer of 2013. That may be a bad thing but that is how it is. Parts of my medicare don't mature until another few months.

I may be getting better but still feel awful. I mean, my body must be fighting back. If this is bacterial in origin, some of it has likely migrated to my prostate gland because it has been hurting more than normal  recently.

I do want to talk about other things but a long as I am sick, this will be what I write about.

Icky Mess

I had an extreme male pain. This is usual when I have to crap. Increased pressure in my colon presses on my prostate gland and ay, it hurts like a motherfucker.

Only this time, I don't know if it is because I am sick or I feel like a Ken doll cooked in the microwave, I lost bowel control. Got in my MeUndies and on my leg as I took them off, contaminating my pants and a towel I wore when I used All Free-Clear to handwash my MeUndies, which are clean and drying.

I am 39 years old. I am aging, everyone is, but will my elder life mean more incidents like this? No, I believe this was an isolated incident because it was partly dia-icky, like a gelatinous mass.

I don't know what caused it. I did swallow mucous as it comes down my throat, no choice. A lifelong ingrained thing, something my mom did NOT tolerate was spitting. I cannot spit, unless I really have to.

And the mucous still flows. I don't know why this illness persists. I drink orange juice and boost the Vitamin C in my over sugar-laden system.

I have allergy medicine but it only helped by stopping the constant sneezing.

Now a cough has started. Not a painful cough, my chest does not hurt, rather when the mucous builds up.

I feel ashamed. Such a stupid mess. I scrubbed myself raw with Dial and then the body wash I use. I will consider this an isolated incident and the next time that severe male pain erupts, go to the fucking bathroom.

My prostate gland issued some fluid, meaning it was squished on. Muscle tension and pressure pressing on it, that is how it got damaged in the first place.

I remember when Dr. H gave me that prostate massage, it was an awful and embarrassing mess and I did not even have an erection. No, pressing on my prostate will cause pain and pain is second only to anxiety that will kill excitement. I don't understand how other guys like a prostate massage. That is agony and a feeling of violation to me.

I am sorry to share this with you. It is what happened and I am feeling ashamed. Smh....

I rechanged my blog back to a dark theme because the white hurts my eyes. I am more light-sensitive than normal. I do not know why. I am going to the eye doc soon.

I hope I feel better soon.

Sick

I don't know what is making me sick. I made it through many years of cold winters and never got sick. It could be something others brought in.

How am I sick?

My nose runs, slowly like a glacier moving. It is watery mucous and sticky. Mucous never bothered me but gosh, my nose keeps running and it gets everywhere. It is nasty.

My head feels like a block of lead, heavy and painful.

My eyes water and light hurts them. Writing this, I can barely look at the white screen.

I sneeze every five minutes or so. It is painful but doesn't hurt my chest like sneezes usually do. Sneezing seems to loosen the mucous in my nose for a moment.

I cannot say if this is an allergic reaction or is something to do with a social illness.

I feel awful.

My booty scratch is healing but itches like all get out. I am surprised I didn't get sick from that. My male pain has also made itself known more than normal. Could this be connected?

I have an issue with my male parts but this is not the post to mention it. I'll talk about it later.

Shave Sick

I have become sick, cold or something. It is respiratory, something that has happened before more than once.

I did work in retail for a very long time. Contact with the public, whether be it at school or work, you can catch what others bring about.

This may have been what happened here. I may be isolated by my anxiety disorder but others here are not.

I didn't shave on Tuesday because I didn't feel my facial hair had grown enough to comfortably shave it. I did it on Thursday, when it was cold and as I am ill at the moment. Willpower is strong when it kicks in.

I wish it would stop growing. I could take certain poisonous hormones and it would but then, I would really get gynecomastia. If I did, I would show off my tits. I can do so now but I don't have them to show. Just pectorals. As it should be.

I am not female in appearance no matter what others have said. I am pale because I don't go outside. If I exposed my skin to the sun, I would burn or get new freckles, neither a good thing.

Short of posting an image of my male parts, which is possible, I assure you I am male in mind and body, wants and desires.

My shave check picture. I am sick, I am sorry I don't look better.

Forgotten?

No one seems to read my blog anymore. Why? What did I say? Don't like the new design? 

I have become sick, people bringing it from outside. Feels like a cold or something. 

What do you want to see in this blog? Do you want to see more pictures? 

More opinions? Talk about my ever-present male pain? (which is stronger than usual at the moment)

I could post a picture of my male parts. I reckon that would get some interest. 

I don't have a tropical storm to write about. I know one ravaged the Philippines recently but I missed it. I haven't been feeling well mentally either. 

I haven't gone anywhere since the drama-causing trip to the laundry. I will have to do so again but I will wait until I go get my hair cut, it badly needs it.

My watch also stopped. I have to go to a jewelry store to get a new battery. That isn't cool, a watch barely 2 years old dying like that. Can't know how long it sat in a warehouse or something. 

I will write an underwear post and post a shave check picture later, about to go shave.

It is cold but self-identity is stronger than discomfort. 

Unwanted Drama

I talked about the Tide allergy. I had it bad, itching terribly and breaking out in places where the clothes fit close to skin. You can imagine where.

I ran out of clean clothes, wearing them despite the Tide allergy. It isn't easy to go anywhere.

Understand, the drama of my sister. She is a tetra-disaster, causes trouble in no matter what she does. It is her truck that is our only vehicle. I had to use it.

I live in between two towns 18 miles apart. Just going somewhere involves driving on the highway. When my car was operational, I did not go anywhere much, I did when I had to or when I wanted to see the lake. I haven't seen the lake in over 10 years.

Is it a crime to want clean clothes not washed in Tide? I went to wm and got the All I couldn't get on the monthly trip to the store. I do not go anywhere else. It was the laundry. Is it bad to go to the laundry?

Am I bad person for washing my clothes? This isn't a frivolous this, it's a fucking human right.

I have a quarter fund for going to the Laundromat. It is not a big deal, I prefer the laundromat because it is an HE washer whose drum is made of METAL. It is a dryer not powered by electricity. It is a better way.

It isn't easy. It's panic-bait. Kids getting everywhere loud noises, bright lights. It is a perfect storm of the things that ruffle my anxiety feathers.

They took money from me and lied to me. I needed my hair cut, still do. I can't do that until my benefit comes in 2 weeks now.

My watch is dead. I was to get a new battery for it. I cannot do that now until after my benefit.

I can deal with the hair, I can be cute with it.

I can deal without a watch for a while but it isn't easy.

I was thinking, if I had killed myself in 08, I almost did, this would be no trouble. How is this healthy thinking?

If I am ever to get 'better', how can I get 'better' when people dig and dig and pull the ripcord to a metascale panic attack?

I only wanted clean clothes. That does not make me a bad person.

I could go naked but really, no one likes a naked male. Myself included.

Changed

I changed the very look of my blog. Something different. I made a new star scene at Colour Lovers to fit the new style.

Why light colors? I don't always feel dark and troubled. I veg out sometimes or lose myself in writing stories. I listen to music to tune out things. The Skullcandy Hesh II headphones help in this.

I had given up on them when I had a cord issue but I got a new cord that is about as stiff as a coat hangar wire. It is a better cord, better transmission and sound to it.

I do not know if you like the new style. No one ever comments here despite the comment blank left there. It isn't there just for show.

I am feeling okay and the cold isn't so bad. For now, at least. Winter's not over yet.

What Are You Here For?

Why do you come to my blog? Do you like pictures? What I write about in my sadly anxiety-ridden life?

I write about stuff that happens, things that interest me. I like the weather and other things.

I do write opinions and whine about how I hurt.

I post a shave check picture to show more of how I change over time.

I don't know. Some posts get a lot of views while those recently haven't. Why? Because I posted a picture of my backside? I was badly scratched there and it hurts nearly a week after the fact.

I do not mean to upset anyone. If you don't like it, look at another post or something.

I am considering closing this blog but if you give me a reason to keep it up, I will stay.

If you think this is silly, why did you come here?

Finally Shave

It has been way too cold to shave. It was like 37 in the daytime on Tuesday, when I normally shave my face.

I shaved my other parts last night, chest to private areas. I do that with a Philips Bodygroom electric razor which cannot be used on face. Not unless you want to ravage your skin.

My skin's been ravaged enough recently.

The painful scratch is healing and doesn't hurt as badly but any pressure on it and it will. Because it is on the outer edge of my left 'cheek' I can sit with relatively no discomfort. (Sitting on a soft chair always hurts my prostate)

Anyhow, this time was my face with a Schick Hydro 3 razor and Aveeno face wash, shaving cream and aftershave lotion. I use Aveeno for a reason. My skin is sensitive. I mean, I dry out fiercely, even my male part does. I have been using a hydrating body wash so that helps.

I have Aveeno skin lotion, which I have used for a long time.

I was up earlier than normal today and took advantage of the 'warmest' part of the day to do this. Not that 56 is warm.

Here is my shave check picture:

My lips are critically dry and I did not do anything about it until after I shaved. Sorry for the blemish there.

Blah

It is true that I have not been feeling well. My scratch is healing but it still hurts.

What is worse, the weather. CNN said this time of the year is the average coldest for the whole USA. Boy, am I feeling it. It is 38 degrees F (that's 3 degrees C!) as I write this.

It is just the worst time of the year. The cold hurts, can't enjoy life because of dry skin and aches all over.

The cold damages the water pipes, harms our dogs and causes accidents, if it's icy.

Good things about the cold, perfect stillness, no mosquitoes or ants, longer nights.

I have been enjoying the longer nights. I don't like sunlight, you can see from my skin tone, I don't go out into the sun. I'll burn if I do, it's that fast.

I can feel the burn on my bare skin. That is a subject for a summer post so I'll hold off on UV radiation and my skin for now.

I hope to feel better. My hip doesn't hurt so much. I have always been stronger than that but this scratch... some how it had caused blah feelings. I could post another picture of it but do you want to see it?

I apologize if the booty pictures bother you. It is not my intention to bother anyone.

Hurting Still

I was in a bad environment down under the house. It was wet because when the pipe disconnected, a torrent of water surged out of it until the master valve of the water system was turned off. This is actually under my bedroom window on the north side of the house.

I did this immediately after learning this was happening. If I had not gone into the kitchen then, I would have never known.

I don't like going down there. It is awful. The water was warmer than the air. It was steamy and cold.

I took off my sweat pants to keep from fouling them. I went down there and searched for the problem, found it, took a picture and came back up to tell my dad.

It was going back to fix it that the floor gave way under me. I fell and my booty got badly scratched. My hip was hurt. Curiously, I was not otherwise hurt.

My right leg and hip hurt. It hurts when I flex my hip like sitting down or walking. Standing still doesn't hurt. That's strange but my hips hurt on occasion by themselves.

This will persist for a while. I wish it hadn't happened. I removed the content warning because really, I am not showing anything inappropriate. I just have an injury in an embarrassing area.

It is time to talk about other stuff here. I will move on and not talk about how I hurt so.

Better Picture of the Scratch

This scratch hurts really bad. I assume that it will leave another scar when it does heal. I have started using the wm brand of Neosporin like my mom said to do.

I looked for ways to show it without showing my booty. You might not like that. I lifted my uninjured left hip up and held the camera tight to my hurt left flank.

This is what it looks like. It hurts bad, especially if I lay on it. Sleeping is hard with this.

If my skin glistens in the picture, that's the antibiotic lotion. I normally don't like lotion on my skin.

Badly Sore

I hurt my hip falling through the floor. It is hard to walk and sit down. That nasty scratch's pain has intensified. I don't know what to do about it.

I am sorry if the change to my blog bothers you. I do post pictures of things that bother me. My male parts are one of those things.

The scratch picture will be taken over the course of healing. I have one from this afternoon but I will not post it.

I may have to go to the doctor. I will let y'all know if I do. This pain is nigh intolerable.

I feel awful. May have contracted a bacterial infection thanks to that scratch. Nasty floor that scratched me.

I don't know if I can maintain this stupid thing, fixing pipes. I never had to do that before in my whole life before being here.

You don't know how important water is until you don't have it. It is vital to bathing, cooking, drinking, vital to life. You would die without it.

It is just stupid. I may have harmed my prostate gland falling like I did. I hit the bottom of the floor hard on it.

There is no blood in my pee but I have been looking for that every time I pee for several years now. Found it once when I worked at wm. Not since though it feels like there should be.

I feel awful. I wish this hadn't happened.

Painful Scratch

A water pipe burst under the house. I had to crawl through the floor to fix this cheap fucking pvc pipe. Part of the floor collapsed and I fell through it. The water is turned off so the pvc glue can set, hard to do when its 33 outside.

I am so dirty. I took off my soiled clothes.

But when I fell through the floor, I hurt my hip and got a severe laceration to my booty.

I am posting a picture of it so don't get excited. Everyone has a booty.

I am cold, my shoes are wet and I can't clean up. I'm so upset.

This is the laceration.

This hurts really bad. I may have to go to the ER and finally use my medicare.

Allergies

You might think ill of my allergies? I mean, who is allergic to laundry detergent? But it isn't something silly. My skin rages. I have scratched until I started bleeding in some places.


This is not restricted to any one part of me. My abdomen is most affected, then my legs, then my male parts. Parts covered by clothing.

Add to this the dry skin typical of this time of year and the itching is damn-near intolerable. I can manage but for how long? Do I have to hurt my skin scratching  as time goes by?

I cannot get a ride to the store to get more All Free-Clear and to the lavandería to rewash the Tide out of my clothes. This may be an overestimation of the problem but I won't feel it is all right until this is done.

I say it in Español because that is what is on the sign on the building in my hometown. I like saying that better anyway. I did take many years of Spanish in school and some of it bubbles up in the mental froth occasionally.

This itching is getting on my nerves. The rashes mar my pale skin. Dry skin is only making it worse.

Get this, last night, I normally use Old Spice Dry Skin Defense when it is bad. I couldn't, the hot water ran out and it was 40-ish in that bathroom. Ya! Cold! That hurt.

In the summertime when it is very hot, I like the cold, not in this time of the year at all.

My primary allergy, to mt. juniper, the most common tree in this area, is waffling because the pollen goes down and up depending on weather conditions. It is 33 degrees F as I write this on the highway bridge a little under two miles east here. Somehow, the government put a sensor there. You can see its antenna on the concrete railing.

It is the closest sensor to my house.

Curse this winter. Bring back the 80s! Years and temperature both!

18 Degrees

It is my bedtime, yes, I sleep in the daytime roughly corresponding with the hours of a school day. This has to do with light, really, I won't go into why I won't sleep in a dark room.

It is 18 degrees F outside. That's -8 C and it feels it. I am so cold, not so badly because I am right by the heater but if I have to pee, something I do with great frequency, that bathroom is so cold.

My allergies are making me feel miserable. I am badly allergic to what is known as mountain juniper here, by far the most common tree in this area.

They pollinate when it is subfreezing and it's going strong right now.

I have lots of blankets for this reason. My body does NOT like cold. My feet especially. They get so cold, I wonder if they have stopped working but I can walk and stand fine. My toes tingle though.

Not so long ago, it was 80 outside. A  strong appealing temperature.

I am wearing the best sweatshirt I ever bought, a Wilson one I got 15 years ago. It is heavy and warm and that is what is needed here. I color matched it, lol, same color as my gray heather sweat pants.

It is going to stay cold for the foreseeable future. A miserable time.

Never never will I curse it when it is 99 degrees outside. I like just wearing my underwear and a T-shirt. Definitely not today.

I will go now and hopefully not be cold on my uncomfortable bed.

Cold Effect

I am cold. My heater overheated and had to reset. I was shivering so bad.

This is the time I need to take care of my male health. By that, I mean the m-thing but being so cold, my penis doesn't want to cooperate. I guess my body reckons it doesn't want to share blood down there. The way my feet feel, it is super-chilled.

I am not posting an image of my penis here. I did post it elsewhere. If you want to see it, mind that I am very cold and was when I took this a bit ago, go here.

I am sorry if this bothers you. I am kind of a show-off.

Soap Allergy

Yes, I am afraid that I am allergic to the Tide I got. I have developed a rash on my abdomen, back and arm and itch all over. I am wearing clothes not washed in Tide but eventually, that will run out. I will get more All Free-Clear because it is hypo-allergenic.

Stupid soap allergy. It is not exactly easy to go anywhere with a vehicle that isn't yours. Who knows when I can get more All and rewash my clothes?

It's not yet real cold but it will be later. I felt pretty much okay taking a shower, not that bone-shaking cold like usual.

I mean, having to wear the MeUndies brief with that hole in it? It is in an inconspicuous place but still....

It can only get worse the more it is washed. I don't think that HE commercial washer is so hard on the clothes like a normal washing machine is. I like watching through the door window. Power spin, sounds like a jet engine powering up. I like that.

Painful Shave

It was Tuesday again. Time to shave. Actually, did it today because a powerful cold front is coming imminently. I remember those kinds of cold fronts when I was a kid. 
I'd be outside riding my bike or something else, spent a lot of time outside in the age before Playstations and cell phones and the like.

That may be the problem with kids nowadays but I don't have any so really, should it be my concern?
I cannot rule out that I never will. Surely a girl is still out there for me to love.

The point here is Shave Check and it is done. I need a new razor, mentioned that before and totally did not get one. Like an idiot, I totally forgot.

I have to shave 3 or 4 more times before I can get a new one. Just great.

Here is my shave check picture. Forgive the lighting, it is wintertime and the sun sets earlier.

Cold Again.

As I write this, it is -5 Celsius outside. People in normally cold areas might say that's nothing but this isn't a normally cold area.

I can remember when I was a kid in the 80s when it was way colder than this. Haven't really seen that kind of cold since.

I have early memories of icicles off the front porch overhang. Seeing the town weather channel displaying a -9 F temperature. Snow, though it has snowed here several times since then.

It isn't unusual to see warm temperatures in the winter time. I can remember Februaries where it was 90 outside.

I wish it was now. I am not exactly comfortable when it is hot, not that 90 is hot by this area's standards, but hot weather doesn't hurt. My poor feet....

It was perihelion several hours ago. Closest to the Sun. The problem is, the Earth is tilted about 24 degrees. The part of it facing away from the Sun is our northern hemisphere's part. Winter just got going a few weeks ago.

It is a long time to March and April. Typically a time of storms here. You know how I feel about storms if you read this blog regularly.

This cold will persist for some time but it won't be this freaking cold very often.

I am a night owl, always have been. My 'day' is the coldest part of the night. I do sleep better when it is cold but that is not a reason to like it.

There hasn't been any ice...yet. There is talk of a possibility later in the week.

Until the floodgates of the arctic close, this will not be a pleasant week.

Waiting for 80s again. That is great, mid-80s. A comfortable temperature.

Male Pain Again

I didn't really want to talk about it but I am hurting more than normal recently. I just had to crap and that REALLY hurt. Add to that, it is very cold in the bathroom at the moment.

Taking a shower in that cold bathroom is no fun either. Shiver until the water warms.

I was told three things to manage this pain. Dr. H emphasized number 3 on this list.

1. Take Motrin. I cannot take ibuprofen, it hurts my stomach. 

2. Take a hot bath, which I can't when it is so cold. The cold steals away the heat fast. 

3. Masturbate. I try not to do it too much, it always hurts afterward. And plus, cold.... 

Why did Dr. H tell me to do that? Well, prostatic fluid builds up over time and is subject to infection. I had one of these before and it is like stinging fire combined with a migraine in your pelvis. 

Have to release ever so often or get sick again.

I know it is a hard subject to talk about. It is part of being male, sure. I am cursed with this pain that is always there, just a little more harsh now. 

2 things will kill excitement in that area.

1. Anxiety, a panic attack will shut things down like an iron hammer coming down.

2. Cold. My body does NOT like cold at all.

Sure, I can get it to work, but maintaining when it's so cold? Nope.

Ha, if you could see it now, it is not in the excited state at all. I'm cold.

Short of posting a picture, that will have to do.

My male pain should subside eventually back to the dull ache I always feel there. I wonder about the day it doesn't subside. What then?

Ever go to the doctor for this? Embarrassing ain't the word for it.

Allergy Risk

A long time ago, when I was a kid, I'd say 9 or 10, I had a severe skin irritation on my leg near my crotch area. It became crusty and bled a lot. What caused this? Many things were looked at but it became clear that the laundry soap was the blame.

What was this laundry soap?

It was Tide, the kind that comes in the red jug. There is something in Tide that triggers a severe skin allergy reaction in me. This happened when I worked at Solectron and our antistatic smocks were washed in Tide. I had to tell them.

I handled Tide while working in the stores. Yes, I was careful. I never used Tide in all the time I have done my own laundry. I have been doing my own laundry since I was a young teenager.

Maybe I have things in my laundry I don't want others to handle. I mean, MeUndies briefs may be male cut but they look like panties in the laundry basket. Especially the 'raspberry' colored one.

I am not particularly shy about my purple colored shirts. Yes, I wear purple sometimes but not for the reason you might think.

I go to the Laundromat, it doesn't bother me. The one I used for a very long time closed last summer and I have either used an expensive new one down 4th Street from the old one or this shiny big one in Cove, where I met that woman.

I went there after getting my new vz internet thingy. It was on the way back. I was very anxious because I wanted to see if it would work. It did or else I wouldn't be writing this.

Two days ago was the monthly trip to wm to buy groceries. The store was blown, shelves empty, items unavailable, I mean, there were no potatoes to be had in the produce section.

This was not restricted to any department. Even the soap aisle was blown. I looked for All but I ain't paying $12 for a big jug of it.

I saw a small, affordable jug of something I have not tried. Something I have avoided like the plague for years.
What is it?

It was this....

This may be hypo-allergenic like All Free-Clear is. I don't know. I got it because it was only $4 something.

I first used it hours ago. I will let you know if I have an allergic reaction to it. I find red spots on my skin interesting. Remember my ant bites?

I am not itchy because of the soap, dry skin sitting by the heater, you know?

You might find this interesting. Why not? What laundry soap do you use? I may keep using this kind of Tide if it has a positive result. It is about being powerful enough to clean.

I mean, a commercial washer. No telling who used it before. Or the employees of the laundry cleaned it? I don't know.

Was Offline

On December 23rd, I was playing Spore and my computer suddenly crashed. My Verizon Pantech UML 290 modem stopped working and still doesn't work.

I had to wait until my benefit came until I could go to the VZ store to take advantage of an upgrade. I have a powerful new Ellipsis thing now. It is better, I think, since it isn't directly connected to the computer.

I have been freezing. It is cold. I only have a small heater.

I am back online and it was an awful 2 weeks offline.