Bad Year

What happened? First, my father died in Feburary at age 59. Then a few days ago, my mom's best friend died at age 59. 

What does 59 mean? I am exactly 20 years from that age. 

We moved after 15 years out there. Some things had to be left behind. I live in apartment in my hometown now. 

I do not know what is happening. I don't feel good. My male pain is raging and I have been drinking too much tea because the water here tastes awful. I like Red Diamond tea, though I know it may not be good for me. 

I wish I had the courage to overcome my anxiety and find a girlfriend. I do not, though and life is hard because of that, I believe. 

I don't know, things are calm now. I have been getting more sun but I am afraid of getting melanoma because of my freckled pale skin. Also, getting some color (ha, compared to a dark skinned person, I am still white as a cloud) has exposed the cooking scars on my right hand. Boiling water mainly.  I am more careful now. 

I am not happy with the white wall background available here to take a selfie picture. I will do this outside when it isn't sunlight on full blast. 

I haven't been updating this blog like I used to. Been too discomforted to write much. I am back to it now so I will be here. 

Better Picture of the Scratch

This scratch hurts really bad. I assume that it will leave another scar when it does heal. I have started using the wm brand of Neosporin like my mom said to do.

I looked for ways to show it without showing my booty. You might not like that. I lifted my uninjured left hip up and held the camera tight to my hurt left flank.

This is what it looks like. It hurts bad, especially if I lay on it. Sleeping is hard with this.

If my skin glistens in the picture, that's the antibiotic lotion. I normally don't like lotion on my skin.

Painful Scratch

A water pipe burst under the house. I had to crawl through the floor to fix this cheap fucking pvc pipe. Part of the floor collapsed and I fell through it. The water is turned off so the pvc glue can set, hard to do when its 33 outside.

I am so dirty. I took off my soiled clothes.

But when I fell through the floor, I hurt my hip and got a severe laceration to my booty.

I am posting a picture of it so don't get excited. Everyone has a booty.

I am cold, my shoes are wet and I can't clean up. I'm so upset.

This is the laceration.

This hurts really bad. I may have to go to the ER and finally use my medicare.

Painful Shave

It was Tuesday again. Time to shave. Actually, did it today because a powerful cold front is coming imminently. I remember those kinds of cold fronts when I was a kid. 
I'd be outside riding my bike or something else, spent a lot of time outside in the age before Playstations and cell phones and the like.

That may be the problem with kids nowadays but I don't have any so really, should it be my concern?
I cannot rule out that I never will. Surely a girl is still out there for me to love.

The point here is Shave Check and it is done. I need a new razor, mentioned that before and totally did not get one. Like an idiot, I totally forgot.

I have to shave 3 or 4 more times before I can get a new one. Just great.

Here is my shave check picture. Forgive the lighting, it is wintertime and the sun sets earlier.

Tuesday Again

You ought to know by now that I shave on Tuesdays. I hate shaving, it hurts. I would try electric but it doesn't do such a good job. I was unable to get a new razor.

When I go  to the store for the 1 time of the month, it is at night and the stupid wm associates working get in the way. When I worked at wm, you had to move or else. I guess they weren't told that.

I can't use the Bodygroom in the daytime, privacy issues. I am naked for my body shave, usually right before a shower. So, I will tonight.

I will post my pelvic shave check picture later if you want.

Instead, this is about my poor face. I cut my chin but it will be all right, that fucking razor slipped in my hand. It won't leave a blemish.

I will get a better razor and maybe change how I shave. I don't know, no one told me.

Not This Time

I took a shave check picture like I do after every shave but I did not like it. Looked too disheveled. I am conscious that my hair is messy in some of the pictures, more so in this one but that isn't the focus of the picture.

I could post my pelvic shave check picture if you were interested. I lost the cord to my bodygroom razor's charger. I have a tangle of wires here and it probably is among them. I will need to find it or else. The razor's battery is low.

I don't want to get shaving and it die on me. That happened when I first started using bodygroom razors 5 years ago.

Body hair is easy to shave, pubic, not so much. Have to be careful.

Far and away, the part I hate to shave most is my face. It hurts and maybe it is the wet shave. It was cold and sitting by the heater dries my skin out. Moisture was restored by Aveeno and Dove. I use Dove on my face only but I just got a new Cetaphil bar so I will be using that until it is worn away.

I am sorry if you wanted a picture. I will try to take a better one next week.

Shaving Hurts

I have written a lot about I hate being male. One of the things I hate most is body hair. Androgenic hair. One of the worst places is on the face.

I can shave other parts with my Bodygroom razor which is easier and hurts less. Cannot use it on face nor would I want to.

I use Aveeno products and I shave with a Schick Hydro 3-blade razor. It may be time for a new one that doesn't hurt so bad.

I shave every Tuesday. The idea is to focus and people to leave me alone. That is true much of the time but especially here.

Why does it hurt? One is dragging sharp pieces of metal across the face. Why would you think it doesn't hurt? I think of girls who shave their armpits, legs, sometimes the private area. Is this not as painful?

Have no way of knowing.

All I know is that as long as I grow androgenic hair, I will shave it off. Maybe in the future, they can depilate hair with light instead of a sharp piece of metal.

Not that I could afford such a thing. Here is my shave check picture...

Still cute at 39? I hope so.

Not a Bad Picture

I shave every Tuesday or so. It is getting colder and soon I will have to think of a way of not freezing as I stand there in my underwear splashing water on my skin. Not to mention that the shave gel is cold, so is the aftershave lotion.

I take shave check pictures before applying the aftershave.

I am becoming cognizant that natural lighting is better for pictures than the glare of those curly mini-fluorescent lights that cost more than the old kind but are generally better.

There is a lot I still have to learn about my camera (Canon PowerShot SX 160 IS).

This is the picture I took today, I don't look so bad. I wish a female would say so.

On my forehead is a little mark. When I was fixing the water line 3 days ago, I hit my head on a part of the floor structure. It will go away eventually. If you touch it, it hurts. I should have been more careful.

Scourge

I have mentioned the ant problem here before. Since this fucking summer refuses to end with its 90+ degree days, they persist.

I wonder what the cumulative effect of these ant bites are having on me. They are in my clothes basket, they are on the floor, I was bitten on the peena after my shower a while ago.

I don't know what to do. They were on my bed as I slept yesterday. Lucky I wear socks and sweatpants.

I am posting a picture of my most affected left thigh, near the knee. It has the most bites in a particular area though I have bites on my right leg, two on my right foot, one on my left middle toe, I have three or four on my left arm and two on my right hand.

This is my leg. Forgive the paleness, I am a white guy, you know.

I know this will leave my pale hide scarred. I hate it so. It itches and burns and seems to have no relief.

I am most often bitten after my shower, getting the animals' food, changing clothes, and going barefooted, which I never do usually.

It is a scourge.

A Better Shave

I hate shaving and I hate facial hair more. I wish I didn't have it. I shave every Tuesday because it hurts to do it more.

Dragging sharp pieces of metal across your skin seems barbaric. Why can't they find an economical way to do away with androgenic hair?

I took it slowly this time but I wish the shave gel was warm, it was cold. Heating a pressurized can is beyond stupid. Might think of another way, like when it is in the shave bowl.

I wonder why it is okay to shave far more sensitive skin with a Bodygroom electric razor but it cannot be used on face. I don't like electric face razors. I have one for when it is too cold to wet shave.

I will get a new one before the next cold time.

I could post all of my shave check pictures but do you want to see that?

Just my face this time.

Something Wrong

I seem to be developing an itchy rash all over me. It is worse on my left leg in the region of my knee. I can't say what is causing this since I spend a lot of time in my underwear and don't go outside.


My sister told me it is a heat rash but what is that really? I have heard of this before. I took a picture of it but I don't think it turned out good. I will take another later.

I don't know what is going on. I don't need this physical problem added to the mental problems I have.

I am itching on my right arm and my neck as well. What is going on? Curse this summer. When will it end?

Gynecomastia?

I have written before what that doctor told me about my Low T. I feel some effects of it, like lack of energy but if it was true, my peena would be affected and it is not. It could be related to my prostate trouble but I don't know. I am not a doctor.

I think it's not happening but I look down in the shower and rub soap on my chest and something is there. It doesn't feel like a girl's bosom, even Jen let me touch hers.

I don't know if it is happening but if it does, how would that change my life? I am already too shy. I had a panic attack just going to get ice a few moments ago.

Maybe it is not happening. This could be just a feature of maleness. It is something I hate as you know.

I am posting a picture of my chest to show if this is happening. Compare it to the last time I talked about this.

Hate Shaving

I hate shaving. There's nothing like dragging a sharpened piece (or in the case of my Schick Hydro 3, 3 pieces) of metal across your face.

Why, if I have Low T, do I grow androgenic hair still? I have spent money on razors, particularly the $65 Norelco Bodygroom electric razor I use to shave my other parts. I can't get it all. It is unpleasant to shave armpits and a pain in the tail to shave legs.

I just shave what feels better. Looks better in some places.

It is not time to shave my other parts, body hair grows more slowly than the scourge of facial hair.

Maybe it is not 'manly' to shave and hate body hair. I am MALE, not a 'man'.

I wish I really was a ghost, they don't have these body image and comfort issues.

Here is the picture if you like that sort of thing.

Awful Shave

I was getting too hoary which makes me look older than I am. I cannot do anything about the graying of my facial hair. It has been going on for years now.

Since I got my hair cut yesterday, it only makes sense I should shave on a day when it is not so freaking cold. I mean 52 is cold to me when I am standing in my CK underwear with water all over me.

I did not do such a good job on the neck area because I was trying to hurry. I was so cold.

My skin will recover from this over the next few days. Why don't I post a picture then? No one asked.

Here is what I did.

Shave Today

I don't feel so good. It seems that the local water company is over-chlorinating the tap water. I have had what I call dia-icky (because I have a hard time spelling the real word) and then painful constipation as I am not drinking as much water as I should.

I didn't want to shave. However, my laundry cycle depends on it and I have to shave again before I get my hair cut on March 3rd or 4th, depends on how I feel. I want to be cute.

I get into ruminating story ideas when I take a shower and may have forgotten to wash my face in last night's shower. I don't feel so cute. Aging is apparent in my face.

I don't know if anxiety is causing aging. I am one of those people who don't look my age.

Oh, about my glasses. Someone smooshed them and bent the frames, I am trying to (very carefully) fix it. So if they look out of position, they really aren't. I see fine through them. If they were out of position, the diffractive index would be off and cause distortion. That isn't happening.

Enough babble, here's the picture. Tell me if you will, what do you think?

A Successful Shave

My facial hair was getting to gnarly. I normally don't shave on a Sunday. No matter, I had to. Most of my facial hair is gray now and I look older than I am. I don't want to get older but entropy happens, you know?

I am posting a picture this time as I think I did a rather good job. Just so you know, it feels like a friction burn all over my face.

If you don't like this, I will post the shave check picture of my booty when I do the body shave later. How would you like that?

Shave Cuts

I couldn't shave the regular way last week because of the water pipe breaking as it did. I fixed it and I needed to shave rather badly. I did trim it with an electric shaver but my skin is not used to that. It made my skin feel burned.

I normally shave within 7 days of the last time. I went closer to ten this time. My facial hair is mostly gray. It makes me look older and no one likes it, dulls my cuteness.

I was bothered as someone had to use the bathroom and interrupted me.

I never mean to cut myself. I can't deal with cuts. The blood doesn't bother me, it is the feeling it causes. This all washes off in my shower later, I rarely have a cut the day after. I mean, with my bodygroom electric razor, I nipped my scrotal area and that freaking hurt.

I post these pictures because it seems a relevant topic of something in my life.

Have a look, this is not as bad as it could be.

Injured Left Arm

I had to work on the pipe again today. I had to buy a saw to cut and added 2 couplings. That pvc glue, I hate it.

I badly hurt my left arm doing this. Reaching through a tangle of pipes to reach the relevant one (hot water delivery) I badly scratched my left arm.

 

In addition, I hurt my left hand with a saw yesterday, then abrasion developed on the thumb knuckle. Add to this, when cutting open a package of meat to defrost for dinner, the scissors slipped and all but stabbed my left index finger. There was a lot of blood but I have cleaned my hands since then and washed it away.

I hate doing things like this and likely developed new scars. I don't know if I'll have to do this again but it is really upsetting me. Badly.

Gynecomastia Fears

I worry that with my low T level, like the diabetes doc said, that I could develop female features. I mean by that, the lack of hair growth, mammary development, the peena shutting down.

I have none of these. Yet. If you are curious and I do have a resistance to doing this, I will post a picture of my chest and you can see that I am not developing it yet but when I look down, I see what? Pectoral muscles or fat? I have no fat in places, I am a naturally thin person.

My BMI is a little high. I mean, yours is likely to be as well. I can lose weight, I lost 7 lbs over the last week alone, not eating right.

I am sick of writing about my personal problems but I can't talk about them in person, so I write them here.

Here is the picture of my chest, judge for yourself if I am developing gynecomastia. (Yes, I shaved it recently)

Chest

I'd post a picture of my chest but my skin is rather ghostly pale.

When I went to the diabetes doctor to find out that I do not have that awful illness yet, he found in my blood test critically low T levels.

He said if this is not addressed, I could develop gynecomastia. Err. Some symptoms of low T, Id welcome. Not shaving so often. This is not the case. My facial hair grows at a stable rate like it always has. So does the body hair I hate so.

I do not think my chest is getting bigger. I seem to have been the same for a long time. I mean. You can see my ribs.

About the chest. In a female, I find smaller breasts more attractive. She is cuter and smaller usually. Is neoteny an attractive force? I don't know. I suppose if I actually went to college, I would know things like that.

Do any females read my blog? What do you think of me?

I can post pictures as I take them to verify if I have shaved well. The so-called Shave Check. If you really want to see a ghostly pale white guy.

I don't think I will ever be better anxiety wise but I can start exercising. I will do this.