Tricked?

The girl whom I 'met' online has not contacted me today. She promised to send me some pictures. She asked for money, a black mark against her because I am on a fixed income and cannot wantonly share it with someone I do not know in person. 

Is she even real? Was I lied to? How cruel is that? Haven't I told you about female cruelty before?

I sincerely hope she is real, she seems to be but in this one thing, my anxiety feathers have proven protective. 

Troubled

I think I have established I have moved. I have moved to an apartment building in my hometown. It is good not to have to drive many miles just to check the mail or to the store. 

However, in the presence of so many all around, my computer's wifi card picks up like 10 signals, it isn't good. Back in the old house, it didn't pick up anything. This may not be a wise way to tell if many others are around but it is true. 

My anxiety feathers have been ruffled. I do not know if my medicine is helping. I am able to do things I wasn't before. 

I 'met' a girl online. I know this isn't the proper way to do it but like I have said, you never know...

What effect does this girl have? She displays the traits of a female, wants something, largely indifferent, unfocused. 

What does she have in common with me? This troubles me a lot. 

Should I let my anxiety feathers open and let her in? Not yet. 

I don't want to be alone in my elder life but is this the answer?

I don't feel good because of this. Anxiety is definitely provoked. 

Eye

I had to take my mom to the doctor today. I sat in the hot car listening to talk radio and taking pictures with my phone. One such is of my eye, which as amusing but also to show you what color my eyes are. 

Possibility

I told you that it was not certain that I would always be lonely. It could happen at any time. I have reservations though and this may be just nothing.

I met a girl who is beautiful and smart. She likes me though I cannot see why. She doesn't know my problems. She doesn't know the last 15 years of so of soul-strangling anxiety. She doesn't know about the time alone. 

Better sense tells me to leave it alone. My anxiety feathers are in a tumult over this. 

I don't want to upset anyone and this girl can easily become panic bait. 

What happened to the days when I was positive?

Move Stress

I have moved back to my hometown. There is much still to be done. I no longer have to deal with the bugs biting me or the 90ish degree temperatures in there. 

However, I lived out there for 15 years. Wrote much about it in this blog in the past. It is hard emotionally and terribly. My stress has been terrible. 

This has made my male pain a lot worse. Stress is what aggravates it. I am prone to urinary accidents after I pee. My body relaxes from the pee reflex and some urine ?did not come out whe I was going. This drip can  be a few drops or more commonly, enough to wet myself.


I cannot stand for my genital skin to be in a soiled fabric no more than a baby can. To react, I change my underwear and go wash my parts with Dial. 

Will this get worse as I get older? Will I wet myself and be in a place where I can't change? 

In the old place, I could go without underwear or pants but now I live in an apartment building and that is unacceptable. 

I am not particularly affected by my own nudity. It is nothing to get upset over. 

I have these prostate-parts-urinary problems that keep getting worse. I am afraid I must go to the doctor again and have more embarrassing exams.