Readers of my blogs know, I have a recurring and painful yet mysterious urinary condition. It intensified two days ago and last night, I went to the ER. Gosh, it is getting worse and they have no idea what is causing it. I had another DRE. You want to know what it feels like? Get some KY jelly and exam gloves. Put the gloves on, smear them with the KY and then stick your index finger in your anal area, all the way in to its knuckle. It hurts and is demeaning. I don't understand how people who do anal sex get pleasure from it.
I have not been updating my blog as I should have. I am sorry. I have been hurting and trying to get by walking around, being outside, and sitting on a more comfortable seat than this modified task chair I have had since 2001.
Cheap wm crap. Oh, I am writing this because I aborted my trip to work. I was almost to CC when the pain got too bad. I pulled to the side of the road and used my cell phone to call in. I may catch hell for that but they can kma. My a. Ass. I love it. It is a very attractive part of me. I am not ashamed to say that. Everyone must admire some part of them. I like my eyes, my face, my peeny and my butt.
This does not mean I am anything other than hetero. Jen likes my butt, too. There is a physical attraction between us, of course.
I am forced to wear shorts (ew!) because the waistline of pants make the pain much worse. I have gained some weight from increased soda consumption and easier work. I thought my job was a waste of time a year ago, but in the GC, it is even more prevalent.
I fear Dr. E will do something surgical to find the culprit of this painful urinary problem. I have never had surgery and I do not EVEN want to think about lasers or cutting instruments anywhere near my genitals.
If this is TMI, get over it. You are afraid of talking about things like this? You are denying the knowledge of human anatomy and how best to be healthy. Knowing more always is a benefit.
If I ever find a website that allows it, I will post a pic of the affected area. One cannot tell from the outside other than a little testicular swelling. I am not ashamed of myself.
Blaming religion for inhibition is wrong. Inhibition is a personal choice. Overcoming an inhibition is easier than one might think. Just try it.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Not Good
I hear rumors and hearsay at work about management watching associates on the security cameras and busting them. One of them was apparently my girlfriend.
Those sorry bastards. They have been nothing but cruel to her. She is the essence of sweetness and I cannot understand why anyone would treat her like that. I cannot contact her, likely because she is very upset and does not want to talk. I understand that completely. She'll calm down. Jen isn't the type to let them beat her down.
Oh, about the CT scan? It was the worst single thing I have been through in recent memory. The contrast fluid was nasty, then the first time I had an IV, it was an experience I did not mind. It did not hurt like I thought it would. What was injected was different as it gave me a wet feeling in my lower parts and seemed to provoke my prostatitis pain as it has been worse than before.
I am extremely worried. I mean, I saw the CT scan and it might reveal more than just prostate problems. I'm sure Dr. E will allay such worry.
I am worried about my dear one. If she loses her job, it may have a profound effect on her like that time I was terminated from HEB. I couldn't believe it. I still don't nine years after the fact.
I will take Jen out for a special date. She deserves love and attention. If she doesn't work at wm anymore, then maybe we will have more time together and bring our relationship closer to what it should be. She has been my girlfriend for more than a year you know.
wm has taken my faith in the future. It has caused stress that developed my Anxiety Disorder into an unmanageable crushing weight. I think my prostatitis was caused by stress. Stress every day. I need to leave and they won't let me.
I just don't know how I can go on. Jen needs me and I will be there for her. That is all that I need to help me have faith. I love my girlfriend.
Those sorry bastards. They have been nothing but cruel to her. She is the essence of sweetness and I cannot understand why anyone would treat her like that. I cannot contact her, likely because she is very upset and does not want to talk. I understand that completely. She'll calm down. Jen isn't the type to let them beat her down.
Oh, about the CT scan? It was the worst single thing I have been through in recent memory. The contrast fluid was nasty, then the first time I had an IV, it was an experience I did not mind. It did not hurt like I thought it would. What was injected was different as it gave me a wet feeling in my lower parts and seemed to provoke my prostatitis pain as it has been worse than before.
I am extremely worried. I mean, I saw the CT scan and it might reveal more than just prostate problems. I'm sure Dr. E will allay such worry.
I am worried about my dear one. If she loses her job, it may have a profound effect on her like that time I was terminated from HEB. I couldn't believe it. I still don't nine years after the fact.
I will take Jen out for a special date. She deserves love and attention. If she doesn't work at wm anymore, then maybe we will have more time together and bring our relationship closer to what it should be. She has been my girlfriend for more than a year you know.
wm has taken my faith in the future. It has caused stress that developed my Anxiety Disorder into an unmanageable crushing weight. I think my prostatitis was caused by stress. Stress every day. I need to leave and they won't let me.
I just don't know how I can go on. Jen needs me and I will be there for her. That is all that I need to help me have faith. I love my girlfriend.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Nasty!!!
That barium sulfide solution I am forced by circumstances to drink tastes like spoiled vanilla yogurt. Ewwwww!!!!! It is so hard to drink and I shudder even now a full thirty minutes after fini9shing the first bottle.
This CT ordeal is just beginning. I am so eating at Sonic tomorrow. A chicken toaster sandwich, the ONLY way to alleviate hunger in a truly satisfying way.
I have to frink at least half of the other bottle in the morning. Double ewww! Then the other half in the radiology dept. I will let them know how that was.
The IV thing scares me. I hope it is quick like drawing blood. I'm told it will be an intensely uncomfortable sensation. As if this solution wasn't. I will moon them and show them my peeny just to anger and upset them. Hey, it is what is being scanned you know.
If this is for nothing, I will be very upset. Possibly suicidally so.
I actually want to wear a hospital gown and nothing else. I mean, there isn't any sense in hiding any thing and I need a way to eliminate my anxiety driven inhibition to be able to go through things like this.
I am mentally ill in only the anxiety disorder and its claws are in everything I do. Particularly when at the doctor any more.
I lost my pastiness on my arms, neck and head, but retain it everwhere else. What sort of mixed color is that? I sooo need to go back to a nocturnal schedule. Aint happening as long as my car is disabled and dead.
Grrrr... a new battery. Only the third one Ive gotten for it in 9 years.
This CT ordeal is just beginning. I am so eating at Sonic tomorrow. A chicken toaster sandwich, the ONLY way to alleviate hunger in a truly satisfying way.
I have to frink at least half of the other bottle in the morning. Double ewww! Then the other half in the radiology dept. I will let them know how that was.
The IV thing scares me. I hope it is quick like drawing blood. I'm told it will be an intensely uncomfortable sensation. As if this solution wasn't. I will moon them and show them my peeny just to anger and upset them. Hey, it is what is being scanned you know.
If this is for nothing, I will be very upset. Possibly suicidally so.
I actually want to wear a hospital gown and nothing else. I mean, there isn't any sense in hiding any thing and I need a way to eliminate my anxiety driven inhibition to be able to go through things like this.
I am mentally ill in only the anxiety disorder and its claws are in everything I do. Particularly when at the doctor any more.
I lost my pastiness on my arms, neck and head, but retain it everwhere else. What sort of mixed color is that? I sooo need to go back to a nocturnal schedule. Aint happening as long as my car is disabled and dead.
Grrrr... a new battery. Only the third one Ive gotten for it in 9 years.
Anxious (Anxiety-Boosted)
I don't know if my Anxiety Disorder has anything to do with my painful personal illness. If it does, then I'm doomed to hurt always. I mean, I hurt now and have all day. That freaking job is not helping. 100 degrees tomorrow. I start the contrast fluid intake tomorrow. Nothing but that to drink and nothing to eat until at least Tuesday afternoon. I am ever nauseous feeling these days. My stomach reels from the assault by meds and too much soda.
Errr... This apprehension is horrible. People say I'll be okay. Jen says just be brave. That's easy for them to say. They don't cringe at the awful pain as they pee.
I am relying on the Celexa-clone to get me through this. I will take it way early on Tuesday to avoid the panic attack inevitable when they hook an IV line into me.
I hope this is not a big deal. I will try to befriend the radiologist and the nurses. It's always nice to speak to people in my hometown. It is nothing like that festering stench-filled cesspit called K-town.
Again, I am imbibing a liter of Evian in less than 30 minutes. I like Evian because it tastes pure. I have drank it since I first saw it in my preteen years. Lucky the HEB carries a variety of sizes for it.
I am deydrated. Don't quite know how to avoid that and not upset my stomach and body by consuming a great quantity of water that will make me pee painfully once again.
A conundrum, no? yes? Listen to Elastica and it will be better. Just like now.
Errr... This apprehension is horrible. People say I'll be okay. Jen says just be brave. That's easy for them to say. They don't cringe at the awful pain as they pee.
I am relying on the Celexa-clone to get me through this. I will take it way early on Tuesday to avoid the panic attack inevitable when they hook an IV line into me.
I hope this is not a big deal. I will try to befriend the radiologist and the nurses. It's always nice to speak to people in my hometown. It is nothing like that festering stench-filled cesspit called K-town.
Again, I am imbibing a liter of Evian in less than 30 minutes. I like Evian because it tastes pure. I have drank it since I first saw it in my preteen years. Lucky the HEB carries a variety of sizes for it.
I am deydrated. Don't quite know how to avoid that and not upset my stomach and body by consuming a great quantity of water that will make me pee painfully once again.
A conundrum, no? yes? Listen to Elastica and it will be better. Just like now.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Anxiety and CT
Last wednesday, I went to Dr E as appointed and he told me that nothing he could do further can alleviate this elusive and intense pain that comes when I am not dehydrated, such as I have been critically for the last few days. He ordered a CT scan for me that will cover my middle and pelvic areas. I am most worried about the lower urinary tract and the bladder areas.
A troubling new sensation or lack thereof is bothersome to my anxiety. When the m-thing reaches the climax stage, the feeling is numbed or even muted. It is usually very intense thanks to the Celexa-clone.
Ay ya, a ghost shouldn't feel this way. I am scared of this scan and what it may find. If it is nothing, I will be genuinely shocked. Something is wrong in there.
The CT scan is in the hospital I was born in on tuesday morning. I will not be allowed to eat/drink/consume anything but the barium suspention fluid. I mean, I have like two liter-sized bottles of it to drink. I hope it doesn't taste nasty.
I will wear a green shirt and green underwear, blue jean shorts and maybe white or black socks depending on if I wear my white Asics or black New Balance shoes. If I am asked to get naked, oh well. I don't care about that anymore.
My job is making me very upset. I get so hot, people keep coming, coworkers always need something. Then some of them yelling at me. The next time it happens, I will show them why I am Dark Jedi Gregory aka Arthelius the Ghost.
I am drinking like a liter of Evian in the hope that I will re-hydrate my water starved body. I have not had enough in three days and there are two more to go in what the NWS is forecasting 100 degree days.
Nausea is common these days. I am not sure about eating when I feel this way. Lucky I am close to bedtime now. I bet I will wake up with a major provocation of the pain that stymies Dr E.
Why can't things just calm down? F-ing holidays. Paganism. That's all it is. An excuse to buy and sell something. Come to the wm, bother the overworked and underpaid associates with inane and frankly stupid questions. How can any of us keep our sanity?
I will post more on this personal anxiety provoking situation later. I must go to sleep, the only peace I get anymore.
A troubling new sensation or lack thereof is bothersome to my anxiety. When the m-thing reaches the climax stage, the feeling is numbed or even muted. It is usually very intense thanks to the Celexa-clone.
Ay ya, a ghost shouldn't feel this way. I am scared of this scan and what it may find. If it is nothing, I will be genuinely shocked. Something is wrong in there.
The CT scan is in the hospital I was born in on tuesday morning. I will not be allowed to eat/drink/consume anything but the barium suspention fluid. I mean, I have like two liter-sized bottles of it to drink. I hope it doesn't taste nasty.
I will wear a green shirt and green underwear, blue jean shorts and maybe white or black socks depending on if I wear my white Asics or black New Balance shoes. If I am asked to get naked, oh well. I don't care about that anymore.
My job is making me very upset. I get so hot, people keep coming, coworkers always need something. Then some of them yelling at me. The next time it happens, I will show them why I am Dark Jedi Gregory aka Arthelius the Ghost.
I am drinking like a liter of Evian in the hope that I will re-hydrate my water starved body. I have not had enough in three days and there are two more to go in what the NWS is forecasting 100 degree days.
Nausea is common these days. I am not sure about eating when I feel this way. Lucky I am close to bedtime now. I bet I will wake up with a major provocation of the pain that stymies Dr E.
Why can't things just calm down? F-ing holidays. Paganism. That's all it is. An excuse to buy and sell something. Come to the wm, bother the overworked and underpaid associates with inane and frankly stupid questions. How can any of us keep our sanity?
I will post more on this personal anxiety provoking situation later. I must go to sleep, the only peace I get anymore.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Worry, Again
I go to the doctor tomorrow. I'm sure that it will be a little confrontational. I want more analysis done. I want total understanding. It is not unreasonable. I mean, it's my prostate gland. The cancer thereof is invariably fatal. I am far too young for that but it doesn't mean that my protate won't betray me in the end.
Did the m-thing cause this? What about holding it in too long? Stupid pee. I do it quite often when properly hydrated. It hurts to go now and so I deny myself the water I need to a dangerous point at work and at home, it can be worse since I pee more here than anywhere at any time.
Who gives a rat's naked tail about pee? I mean we all do it.
I'm sure Dr. E will just blow this off as a malcontented patient. I am not a malcontent. I'm just worried about a case of prostatitis that has been ongoing for 4 months, seen 3 doc visits, one ER visit, and 3 different antibiotics. I refuse to believe that sticking a finger in my ass tells the whole story here. I will demand other diagnostic measures.
I remain Arthelius the Ghost. The Force is with me.
Did the m-thing cause this? What about holding it in too long? Stupid pee. I do it quite often when properly hydrated. It hurts to go now and so I deny myself the water I need to a dangerous point at work and at home, it can be worse since I pee more here than anywhere at any time.
Who gives a rat's naked tail about pee? I mean we all do it.
I'm sure Dr. E will just blow this off as a malcontented patient. I am not a malcontent. I'm just worried about a case of prostatitis that has been ongoing for 4 months, seen 3 doc visits, one ER visit, and 3 different antibiotics. I refuse to believe that sticking a finger in my ass tells the whole story here. I will demand other diagnostic measures.
I remain Arthelius the Ghost. The Force is with me.