Hurting More

I have been hurting more. I am 40 now and I guess it doesn't matter.

What does 40 mean? Getting old? Does it mean nothing but another year?

I hurt in my prostate area as usual. I don't go to the doctor as I have medicare and it doesnt cover prostate exams until age 50.

Also, a doctor sticking his finger in my booty is not a desirable thing at all. That is the best way to see if the prostate gland is swollen as mine is sometimes. Pressing on it is a kind of agony. Causes one to wet themselves too. 

I have come to despise my male parts. My left testicle is often swollen too, it's all connected. I don't know what this means. It causes my scrotum to be heart shaped, though I will share that a picture of that only on request.

Would I seriously have my male parts removed? If I was wealthy, it would have already been done but I am not so I am stuck with it. 

Does a penis define a male?

Something has to.  

I'll post a picture of mine if anyone asks.

Male Pain

You can go search on Google or find the anatomy chart I posted in this blog to know where the prostate gland is.

It is at the base of the bladder, above the root of the penis. I always thought it was cool how this troublesome male organ is attached to the pubic bone. Saw it on my CT scan. My cup like pelvis.

My pain is because my prostate gland is damaged by psychological stress. It became damaged sometime in my time at walmart.

It always hurts, especially when I pee and much worse if I have to go poo. (forgive my language, I am consciously avoiding profanity)

The prostate gland's function is to secrete a fluid that is a vital component in semen. I am no stranger to semen, having done the m-thing many, many times in my life.

It is doubtful that I can reproduce in sex. It hurts to have sex. I learned this in my last experience. I am older now and less stressed than back then but I still hurt.

Mind, that this pain does NOT involve my penis or testicles. The latter hurt on their own sometimes, the whole system is connected.

This prostatitis is likely either because of grief-stress, or a bacterial infection. If it is a bacterial infection, usually caused by dehydration, stress, being sick, I did have a respiratory infection recently.

If it is a bacterial infection, I MUST go the doctor. That can mean serious badness.

This pain I feel is constant. I would describe it as a headache in the center of your pelvis.

To show that you can't tell it by looking, you can see my penis here. I am not posting such pictures in my blog.

I am not shy about my parts, too many medical tests done on them. I am just showing the hidden nature of my male pain.

I have chronic prostatitis, though infections happen sometimes.

I was told to take motrin (which I cannot take), do the m-thing (not possible when I am hurting) or take a very hot bath (possible).

I need to see Urology badly but they won't see me without insurance. I do not know how medicare fits into that.

I will sit here and hurt. Badly.

Apologies if you don't like this. It is part of my life, a serious part.

Better Picture of the Scratch

This scratch hurts really bad. I assume that it will leave another scar when it does heal. I have started using the wm brand of Neosporin like my mom said to do.

I looked for ways to show it without showing my booty. You might not like that. I lifted my uninjured left hip up and held the camera tight to my hurt left flank.

This is what it looks like. It hurts bad, especially if I lay on it. Sleeping is hard with this.

If my skin glistens in the picture, that's the antibiotic lotion. I normally don't like lotion on my skin.

Hurting More

I don't know what it is. I have been eating as I should instead of once a day and started eating wheat bread again because I am not getting enough fiber, evident when I go to the bathroom.

I am hurting in the familiar place, my prostate area, male pain. Something has irritated it. Did I drink a soda? Yes, from Walgreens, a fountain Pepsi. I was thirsty. Should have got water, I know.

But I was hurting before that.

I was told two things to make the pain go away. One is to take a very hot bath, which I do in the night. It does help for a while. The other thing was to do the m-thing or have sex more. Well, the sex thing isn't happening so I have to rely on myself.

Make no mistake, my parts work. However, when I am hurting, I can't get excited. It isn't ED, I could get excited despite the pain with the proper stimulation. (Malee did it with her mouth) I like that, but what guy doesn't?

I would be careful about allowing that again. If it is a bacterial infection making my male pain hurt more than normal, which is hardly rare, I don't want to risk being with another person.

What girl would want to be with me? I am on disability, I have a car but it is destroyed, I have the teeth thing, I have anxiety disorder, I am sort of out of shape.

Gosh, I was wore out after going to the Laundromat yesterday. That was both picking up and carrying that heavy basket and anxiety. Could doing that made my pain worse?

I don't know. I do need to go to the doctor but parts of my medicare do not mature for a few month. I need to see Urology but they don't take medicare, the greedy bastards.

I did write a 'pelvic shave check' post and even put a picture in it. Would you like to see it? Let me know.

I don't know if this pain will persist. I will go to ER if there is blood in my pee or the pain gets too bad. It is almost there.

But it is embarrassing to go to the ER with this problem when there are injured and sick people there.

Also, I don't want that icky lubrication gel they use on my MeUndies. I reconsidered because I did need a red pair, the origin of this conflict, and finally broke down and ordered a pair. I feel alienated by them but hey, it's underwear. It's not a big deal.

I am not a 'man'. I am male. To me, there is a distinction. What makes me male? Male parts? Body plan? Addled mushy brain? Anxiety has distorted my self-image for a long time. I am male, yes, and will stay that way until the next life.

Hurting Today

I normally wouldn't write about such a thing but my chronic prostatitis has been hurting me for a few days now. It feels like a star radiating pain from a central part within my pelvic area and spreading out from the prostate to those things which it is connected.

This is why my peena hurts. It is a burning pain deep inside, as a good proportion of the peena is inside the body. This what makes peeing so painful. Searing burning. Like someone took a steel wool pad and scoured the inside of the urethra.

If this is TMI, I apologize but this is affecting my daily life in a harsh way. It hurts so bad.

I do not know if my medicare will help me if I go to the doctor about this. I don't want another DRE. I don't want a doctor touching my peena to check for lumps or any other things it does not have.

If I have to have another ultrasound or CT scan, I cannot afford that on medicare.

This pain all but retracts my peena to its smallest state. It hurts so bad.

I am not shy like that. This has nothing to do with sexuality as I am NOT feeling it now. Oh, does it hurt so.

How long can it go untreated until something bad happens? I will go to the doctor if there is blood in my pee or the pain becomes unbearable. It is close to that right now.

Anger and Pain

My workweek begins on thursdays. It is always a suck day as the toad that is my manager is a asshole to the extreme. Today was no exception, telling me to move grills that weigh a considerable fraction of my body weight, then some that equal my 153 pounds and muchly surpass it.

Then the mf talk t me like I'm a dog because I'm slow. I think I injured myangy prstae because at lunchtime, when I sat down, it erupted into a severe pain. I thought that I had to pee badly so I went, and no, I did not. Prostatic fluid and my pee came out, feeling like a wire brush sraping the inside of my peeny.

I could barely pee. It was like water dripping fom a kinked hose, like the cheap ones we sell.

I went and asked the store manager if I could go and he let me.

I went looking for more comfortable clothes to wear but I aint paying $20 for a pair of shorts.

I have hurt badly ever since. My prostate gland feels like a stabbing pain above my testicles, and behind the scrotal area.

I am about to go to sleep. It is always worse in the morning.

Dr L, if you read this, please help me make them understand I cannot do certain things.

I am filing a formal complaint against my manager. Time's right to show my articulated and strong spine. I must stand up for myself.

Arthelius says: "It is those in complacency that are hit the hardest when change happens."

Well said, brother.