This winter has been harsh. I have been unemployed since June and now, repurcusssions include all but starving. That is not a problem now but the future is uncertain.
I lack the means to go anywhere. The car I drive was repo'ed in October. Err. Was this my fault? Not really. It was not my car, but I coulda helped. I feel guilty anyway.
I may have mentioned before that I don't take cold very well. This is true as I write this, my hands are cold. Yet, it is in the low 70's in my room. It is 48 outside at the moment.
I do not have reliable net access. I had to borrow a wireless card to get my pc online. This is not always available.
I am hoping to get a new job later in this winter, even if I have to return to the Evil Empire, um, walmart.
There is no guarantee that my anxiety won't wind up and snap again. I am a suicide risk when it does. I am okay as long as I stay in here and calm.
I think of the almost 17 years since I graduated high school. I have changed much in that time, and not all for the better. I feel sad when I think of that time. I thought my adult life would have been much better. None of it came true.
I maintain my sweetness and caring, and I am sorry for any bad thing I did, including the disasterous breakup with Malee. I wonder if she still hates me. That was the fault of my medicine, which reduces my willpower and resistance to temptation, keeping secrets, etc... I have reduced my medicine to make it last and have regained much of what makes me sweet. I feel guilty for that as well.
No, I did not cheat, I would never do that. I am not a sexually driven guy, as I have chronic prostatis, which ALWAYS hurts, esp when I pee or do the other thing.
I want a girlfriend who understands and cares, but sitting here, I am not going to meet her. Just as well. I am doomed to be alone.
I will not post many more posts like this, because this blog was never meant to be that personal. I will try to get more reliable net access when I get a tax return.
Happy New Year to everyone, may it be better than the last.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Igor
This is Igor, a storm in the central Atlantic. It is not expected to hit the USA but who knows? The weather is capricious. Don't y'all watch the Weather Channel? At ten minutes before the hour is their Tropical Update. Check it out.
That last storm, Hermine, dumped a ton of rain on us. Some wind but it was not bad. But Hermine is a lightweight compared to this beast. Admire the beauty of cyclonic storms when they are not a danger to anyone. Let us hope Igor bypasses Bermuda too.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Hermine: Way Too Close
This is Hermine, a tropical storm moving north. Whoa, I was away from the net for a couple of days and this appears! My Dirctv service is suspended because of mismanagment. Don't blame me. All I have to watch is infomercial channels. That doesn't really bother me, though.
This beast is coming into my home state, moving up parallel to the west of I-35, which is freaking great, the rural wasteland is 45 miles west of I-35.
Big wind, rain like the jungle, hopefully no tornadoes. Power failures in big storms are nothing new here. Huddle in the dark and hope it doesn't mean it's your last night on earth. It's been that way since 97 when a massive tornado obliterated the town of Jarrell on I-35 some distance south west of here.
I will update ya'll on how it was. My home county is under a Flash Flood Watch until 8pm Wednesday. In 1957, my hometown flooded plumb up to 7 feet on the Courthouse. You can still see the marks on the northwest corner of the historic building.
They said it couldn't happen again. Of course, they said that the 'Titanic' couldn't sink. It did, ending a sort of Belle Epoque that was the early 1900s. I wish I had lived back then.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Earl
There hasn't been a hurricane that I would comment on until now.
This one may or may not make things rough on the east coast of the USA, perhaps revealing the disparity between how the US Govt. treats hurricane damage in more affluent areas of the country. I remember thinking about and going to New Orleans but never had enough money to. I wanted and still want to help.
This is Earl, a fairly well-heeled hurricane, being deflected by a seasonal boundary in the eastern US, preventing it from entering the Gulf of Mexico, thankfully. It has suffered enough, hasn't it? A hurricane hitting the Gulf Coast now could be way more than disastrous. I'm hoping and praying that tropical cyclones stay out of the Gulf.
I may comment on Fiona when it becomes more photogenic.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Grr! Dog Days
I've held off bitching about the hot weather this summer. I've spent 98% of it indoors. But as these days continue, I have to admit, it's gotten to me.
Why?
1. It is constantly 90+ degrees in my room. This is thanks to the failure of the central a/c system in my house that no one is bothering to fix and so I must rely on 3 fans, two big and one small. They create enough of a breeze in concert to allieviate sweating all my body moisture away. The humidity in here also hovers around 24% and if it wasn't for sweating, my skin would crack and dry out. This is more of a wintertime malady.
2. Insect activity has exploded. I am bit by bugs constantly and the flies are prolific everywhere. Even at the store. We used to use a chemical fogger for flies at the 1st store I worked at and gosh, we poisoned ourselves more than once with that thing, as someone had to set it before we left and locked up the store. There is an insect problem here, I will admit. What do you expect? This is the rural wasteland.
3. My computer shuts off when it gets too hot. I think this is the power supply doing this and I guess that is a good thing. I am getting to where I cannot use my computer in the late afternoon. It is making me very upset. Is this hurting my pc? I don't really know.
4. I cannot sleep when it is too hot. I wear sweatpants and a shirt when I sleep. This is largely related to the insect thing. But I have always slept in this. I stoppped sleeping in my underwear when I was a teenager and had my 1st wet dream. Ick. I sleep best when it is cold, I have all kinds of blankets and warm wear, even a Snuggie lol, but they are useless in this torrid heat. Even now, at 235 am it is 90 degrees in here. I have a desktop hydrometer/thermometer thingy I originally got to monitor humidty levels.
I thought I could stay out of the heat unlike the last three years when I was out in it at the wm. There have been almost 30 consecutive days above 100 F in CenTx. This is related to climate change, and don't say it isn't. And it's an El Nina season, a pretty strong one so who knows what the winter will be like? I used to be able to take the heat but as I got older and started taking antidepressants that tolerance was eroded away. Conversely, I cannot stand the cold. It hurts.
This angers me too. For most of the year, I wouldnt dream of taking a cold shower, and yet, I have for the last month or so. The cold soothes when I am too hot but the last few are leaving me uncomfortable. It is a bitter relief.
I hope this heatwave breaks soon. It was 107 today in Waco, which isnt that far from here. The sun, it is entering the active part of its 11-year cycle, but then, it is not as energetic like past seasons, likely because of a minimum cycle theorized to be on a 300 year cycle.
Few people bother to learn history these days but in the 1700s, there was an exceptionally cold few years called the little ice age. This could be beause of that 300-year cycle. Lord help us if it happens again. Things cost too much now. It always costs more when it is cold it seems.
I can stay hydrated here, unlike when I was at wm. This is not good because I pee more and that hurts my prostate.
Oh, and a No. 5 for ya. I am wearing shorts, and ick, who wants to see my pasty white legs? I am self-conscious when I have to go to the store in them. I am trying to adapt to an overnight scheme as I have for most of my adult life but it is hard. It is hard to sleep when the sun is beating down on the house, making it hot in here.
And gosh, opening up the front door in the afternoon is like opening a furnace. The storm door gets too hot to touch.
It should let up in the later weeks of September but I don't know. Seasons ain't what they used to be.
Why?
1. It is constantly 90+ degrees in my room. This is thanks to the failure of the central a/c system in my house that no one is bothering to fix and so I must rely on 3 fans, two big and one small. They create enough of a breeze in concert to allieviate sweating all my body moisture away. The humidity in here also hovers around 24% and if it wasn't for sweating, my skin would crack and dry out. This is more of a wintertime malady.
2. Insect activity has exploded. I am bit by bugs constantly and the flies are prolific everywhere. Even at the store. We used to use a chemical fogger for flies at the 1st store I worked at and gosh, we poisoned ourselves more than once with that thing, as someone had to set it before we left and locked up the store. There is an insect problem here, I will admit. What do you expect? This is the rural wasteland.
3. My computer shuts off when it gets too hot. I think this is the power supply doing this and I guess that is a good thing. I am getting to where I cannot use my computer in the late afternoon. It is making me very upset. Is this hurting my pc? I don't really know.
4. I cannot sleep when it is too hot. I wear sweatpants and a shirt when I sleep. This is largely related to the insect thing. But I have always slept in this. I stoppped sleeping in my underwear when I was a teenager and had my 1st wet dream. Ick. I sleep best when it is cold, I have all kinds of blankets and warm wear, even a Snuggie lol, but they are useless in this torrid heat. Even now, at 235 am it is 90 degrees in here. I have a desktop hydrometer/thermometer thingy I originally got to monitor humidty levels.
I thought I could stay out of the heat unlike the last three years when I was out in it at the wm. There have been almost 30 consecutive days above 100 F in CenTx. This is related to climate change, and don't say it isn't. And it's an El Nina season, a pretty strong one so who knows what the winter will be like? I used to be able to take the heat but as I got older and started taking antidepressants that tolerance was eroded away. Conversely, I cannot stand the cold. It hurts.
This angers me too. For most of the year, I wouldnt dream of taking a cold shower, and yet, I have for the last month or so. The cold soothes when I am too hot but the last few are leaving me uncomfortable. It is a bitter relief.
I hope this heatwave breaks soon. It was 107 today in Waco, which isnt that far from here. The sun, it is entering the active part of its 11-year cycle, but then, it is not as energetic like past seasons, likely because of a minimum cycle theorized to be on a 300 year cycle.
Few people bother to learn history these days but in the 1700s, there was an exceptionally cold few years called the little ice age. This could be beause of that 300-year cycle. Lord help us if it happens again. Things cost too much now. It always costs more when it is cold it seems.
I can stay hydrated here, unlike when I was at wm. This is not good because I pee more and that hurts my prostate.
Oh, and a No. 5 for ya. I am wearing shorts, and ick, who wants to see my pasty white legs? I am self-conscious when I have to go to the store in them. I am trying to adapt to an overnight scheme as I have for most of my adult life but it is hard. It is hard to sleep when the sun is beating down on the house, making it hot in here.
And gosh, opening up the front door in the afternoon is like opening a furnace. The storm door gets too hot to touch.
It should let up in the later weeks of September but I don't know. Seasons ain't what they used to be.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
A Character of Mine
For as long as I have been out of high school, approaching 16 years, I have written thousands of stories all connected in one big space opera serial. Characters have come and gone. I don't really ascribe loyalty to any character, as how many things can happen to one person in any given life?
Indisputably, the star of the space opera is a female named Ketheri.
She is tall, skinny, with light brown hair (in her elder days) as for most of her life, it was light yellow. She is a history and culture specialist, a military officer, and for the last 100 or so stories, an Admiral in the space navy she serves.
To me, she is as real as anyone. That is not to say I believe she is real, but I know her like I would know a real person. She has a distinct personality and I am comfortable writing about her. I created her almost 12 years ago while mopping the floor of the first store I worked in.
A long time ago, a girl was sweet on me. We were teenagers, but ew, I'm a small guy, I am not going to do it with a big girl. She used to call me every night. We'd talk about a lot of things but gosh, she was a drug counselor and described things I had never thought of before.
The things she told me gelled into how I developed Ketheri originally. She was an abandoned child who grew up in an alien orphanage. She went into the space navy to get away, but was into the club scene where she was introduced to drugs. She used an especially potent crystalline drug like a more powerful ecstasy.
She had her firstborn, a son, in that time, and two years later, at age 26, she overdosed almost fatally.
Her life was saved by naval doctors and she went through a brutal reform under another, earlier, star of my space opera. She grew to hate that person, and got away, establishing her own office dedicated to studying alien cultures and threats to their country.
A lot of things happened along the way. I cannot condense her post-reform life here, it's too long. She is of a race of people who live for a very long time.
She was killed at the beginning of her middle age, and thousands of years later, restored to life based on scan templates and advanced cell restoration. In the time after that she entered her elder days and became harder to write about. I didn't for most of 2009, focusing on Non-Serial Stories, but early this year, I returned to her.
I don't put her in physical situations so much anymore. She is too high up in military circles and she is not like old, but her spirit is. People don't age in my stories. They have cell regen treatments every so often. My own sadness leaches onto Ketheri.
I have future plans. I have never published my stories, mainly because I don't know where to begin in my serial space opera. I used to have a geocities site with many stories on it but I had no proof anyone read them. No interest.
I have two dedicated readers. They help me a lot.
In the future, I will write a far future battle between good and evil, and Ketheri was recruited for the 'good' side a while ago now. At one point, she will leave her human corporeality and join this crusade. I will publish those.
Ketheri is a brave fighter, wise commander, and experienced teacher. She occupies a place in my heart, my own character. She may fill in part of the guilt I feel in not having a great life.
Send me a message if you want to know more about her.
Indisputably, the star of the space opera is a female named Ketheri.
She is tall, skinny, with light brown hair (in her elder days) as for most of her life, it was light yellow. She is a history and culture specialist, a military officer, and for the last 100 or so stories, an Admiral in the space navy she serves.
To me, she is as real as anyone. That is not to say I believe she is real, but I know her like I would know a real person. She has a distinct personality and I am comfortable writing about her. I created her almost 12 years ago while mopping the floor of the first store I worked in.
A long time ago, a girl was sweet on me. We were teenagers, but ew, I'm a small guy, I am not going to do it with a big girl. She used to call me every night. We'd talk about a lot of things but gosh, she was a drug counselor and described things I had never thought of before.
The things she told me gelled into how I developed Ketheri originally. She was an abandoned child who grew up in an alien orphanage. She went into the space navy to get away, but was into the club scene where she was introduced to drugs. She used an especially potent crystalline drug like a more powerful ecstasy.
She had her firstborn, a son, in that time, and two years later, at age 26, she overdosed almost fatally.
Her life was saved by naval doctors and she went through a brutal reform under another, earlier, star of my space opera. She grew to hate that person, and got away, establishing her own office dedicated to studying alien cultures and threats to their country.
A lot of things happened along the way. I cannot condense her post-reform life here, it's too long. She is of a race of people who live for a very long time.
She was killed at the beginning of her middle age, and thousands of years later, restored to life based on scan templates and advanced cell restoration. In the time after that she entered her elder days and became harder to write about. I didn't for most of 2009, focusing on Non-Serial Stories, but early this year, I returned to her.
I don't put her in physical situations so much anymore. She is too high up in military circles and she is not like old, but her spirit is. People don't age in my stories. They have cell regen treatments every so often. My own sadness leaches onto Ketheri.
I have future plans. I have never published my stories, mainly because I don't know where to begin in my serial space opera. I used to have a geocities site with many stories on it but I had no proof anyone read them. No interest.
I have two dedicated readers. They help me a lot.
In the future, I will write a far future battle between good and evil, and Ketheri was recruited for the 'good' side a while ago now. At one point, she will leave her human corporeality and join this crusade. I will publish those.
Ketheri is a brave fighter, wise commander, and experienced teacher. She occupies a place in my heart, my own character. She may fill in part of the guilt I feel in not having a great life.
Send me a message if you want to know more about her.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Belief
I used to be so certain that homosexuality was wrong. I am a student of anthropology. I believe in evolution and you know, it can only be a male-female copulation to generate new life. Unless you are a starfish or a certain few species of frog, then it ain't happening.
But really. Are we so sure that some part of our brains is not wired to get love where you find it? I feel no attraction to other guys. I don't even like being in the same room with them. It has to do with my Anxiety Disorder mostly but I don't like guys.
I am not so sure now. What is the sum total of love? The only girl I ever really loved was Jen, and she is hardly gf material. My heart does not recognize that and I still am heartbroken well over a year after we broke up over a trivial issue.
What if love drew a guy to another guy? I'm positive there is some underlying attraction to other guys. Is some facet of our subconscious programmed or does it come naturally? I think effeminate behavior in a guy is more of a personality thing. His attraction to other guys can't be so shallow.
People like different things. I use as an example, yogurt. I HATE yogurt. It all tastes bad. Yet, I know more than 20 people that like it. I tried it. I am prone to bacterial infections, the rural wasteland, y'know..., and am no stranger to antibiotics. Yes, it constipates. Constipation hurts but it me, tension pressure in my colon presses on my prostate and that hurts even worse. Probiotic yogurt can restore beneficial bacteria required for healthy digestion. Surely you've seen an Activia commercial. I have tasted yogurts in flavors I like, chocolate, coconut, apple, etc... and they all have the same bitter unpleasant taste that originally think the spoon I was using to eat it was dirty.
Maybe it is my overpowering sweet tooth. I love sweet things. This isn't good for my teeth nor can it be for my health. I don't like bitter things.
Why is that? Some people hate sweet things.
Maybe it is an underlying thing, kinda like attraction. What attracts me? Beautiful eyes, intelligence, cute breasts, booty, etc... I am attracted to women. The attraction is natural.
I am uncertain that attraction is locked on the opposite gender now. I saw a guy on youtube, Davey Wavey, I think he is cute. The analytical part of my mind was aghast. Ewww! I have NO wallpapers on my pc with guys in it. I subscribe to Penthouse, I have 18 porn dvds, all but 2 of them lacking a lesby scene. I love a well filmed lesby scene. Ninn is a master of that.
Arthelius is a naughty ghost. He does it with Marraka. Ew. Wookie sex.
This guy and I would not get along, I'm sure. I am not physical that much. I write or read most of the time. I am also cringed by the fact that a guy thinks any 'package' is cute. I think a penis is one of the ugliest body parts humans have. I know. I own a fine example of one but it would be better if it was fully retractable. Just my opinion.
I have been the victim of every prostate test they have. I have had things stuck in my peeny, and most often in a place I DO NOT LIKE things in. I also couldn't imagine sticking my peeny in anything but a hostile acidic vaginal hole made for it. It feels natural with a female. I cannot say what it feels like doing the other thing. I never have given/received it.
I certainly don't know if I could do the fellatio thing. I like getting it, but who doesn't? I would not even consider letting a guy do it. It bothers me on a natural level.
I don't have many guy friends. I don't have any gay friends. I wouldn't mind getting to know one. I want to understand this behavior, and if we all have the option for it.
Funny thing coming from Arthelius, who once lightsabered a male who kissed him on the cheek.
But really. Are we so sure that some part of our brains is not wired to get love where you find it? I feel no attraction to other guys. I don't even like being in the same room with them. It has to do with my Anxiety Disorder mostly but I don't like guys.
I am not so sure now. What is the sum total of love? The only girl I ever really loved was Jen, and she is hardly gf material. My heart does not recognize that and I still am heartbroken well over a year after we broke up over a trivial issue.
What if love drew a guy to another guy? I'm positive there is some underlying attraction to other guys. Is some facet of our subconscious programmed or does it come naturally? I think effeminate behavior in a guy is more of a personality thing. His attraction to other guys can't be so shallow.
People like different things. I use as an example, yogurt. I HATE yogurt. It all tastes bad. Yet, I know more than 20 people that like it. I tried it. I am prone to bacterial infections, the rural wasteland, y'know..., and am no stranger to antibiotics. Yes, it constipates. Constipation hurts but it me, tension pressure in my colon presses on my prostate and that hurts even worse. Probiotic yogurt can restore beneficial bacteria required for healthy digestion. Surely you've seen an Activia commercial. I have tasted yogurts in flavors I like, chocolate, coconut, apple, etc... and they all have the same bitter unpleasant taste that originally think the spoon I was using to eat it was dirty.
Maybe it is my overpowering sweet tooth. I love sweet things. This isn't good for my teeth nor can it be for my health. I don't like bitter things.
Why is that? Some people hate sweet things.
Maybe it is an underlying thing, kinda like attraction. What attracts me? Beautiful eyes, intelligence, cute breasts, booty, etc... I am attracted to women. The attraction is natural.
I am uncertain that attraction is locked on the opposite gender now. I saw a guy on youtube, Davey Wavey, I think he is cute. The analytical part of my mind was aghast. Ewww! I have NO wallpapers on my pc with guys in it. I subscribe to Penthouse, I have 18 porn dvds, all but 2 of them lacking a lesby scene. I love a well filmed lesby scene. Ninn is a master of that.
Arthelius is a naughty ghost. He does it with Marraka. Ew. Wookie sex.
This guy and I would not get along, I'm sure. I am not physical that much. I write or read most of the time. I am also cringed by the fact that a guy thinks any 'package' is cute. I think a penis is one of the ugliest body parts humans have. I know. I own a fine example of one but it would be better if it was fully retractable. Just my opinion.
I have been the victim of every prostate test they have. I have had things stuck in my peeny, and most often in a place I DO NOT LIKE things in. I also couldn't imagine sticking my peeny in anything but a hostile acidic vaginal hole made for it. It feels natural with a female. I cannot say what it feels like doing the other thing. I never have given/received it.
I certainly don't know if I could do the fellatio thing. I like getting it, but who doesn't? I would not even consider letting a guy do it. It bothers me on a natural level.
I don't have many guy friends. I don't have any gay friends. I wouldn't mind getting to know one. I want to understand this behavior, and if we all have the option for it.
Funny thing coming from Arthelius, who once lightsabered a male who kissed him on the cheek.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Poison
Let me comment first on Facebook. What an effing waste of time and web allocation. Who cares where you are going or wants to hear your proseltysing? I believe God and Jesus too but I don't force my beliefs on others. I wanted talk to my school friends but I am contacted by people who were never really my friends. Where are my friends? I ain't seen any of them in 17 years. What kind of friend is that? Eh, never mind. I don't like facebook. I never felt comfortable using it so I mention old Arthelius and Marraka, let them eat up that metaphysical SW soap opera.
They are on vacation at a sex resort on pre-Yuuzhan Vong War Kuat. I didn't mention that part, you know, they might think that I am a disturbed individual. Ha ha. I KNOW it isn't real. Do you believe anything you do is REAL? Wasting time on farmville? Ha! I played Sins of a Solar Empire and wiped the floor with pirates and my enemy in one huge battle. And guess who won. Queue 'I Stand Alone' by Godsmack. Bwahahaha!
Seriously, I don't give a rat's behind what you did today.
You know what I did? ITCH! I got into some poison sumac while doing an outdoor chore. I contact spread it to my left eyelid when I wiped sweat away, and further contact spread it to my peeny when I went to pee. I always have to go pee, it's a prostatitis thing. Itchy-itchy.
You ever take a cold shower when your core temperature is too warm? It's kinda blissful but something I'd never do in the wintertime, cold is usually painful to me but not when it was 103 outside today. I have red rashes on my knees and inside of my elbows. I suspect that I have one on my hiney too but I wore shorts (bad mistake) while doing those chores and my beloved posterior was covered.
I don't really dislike anyone. I just don't like insipid conversation. Talk about Quasars or how sorry it was when Anakin Solo bought it in that worldship over Myrkr. Not 'I was at the car lube place' or 'I scored a million points in a meaningless game'.
I have written thousands of stories. I continue to write. I have the knowing of a lot of different things. I am no genius but I can hold my own.
Oh, why couldn't Arthelius take me with him? Sorry bastard.
They are on vacation at a sex resort on pre-Yuuzhan Vong War Kuat. I didn't mention that part, you know, they might think that I am a disturbed individual. Ha ha. I KNOW it isn't real. Do you believe anything you do is REAL? Wasting time on farmville? Ha! I played Sins of a Solar Empire and wiped the floor with pirates and my enemy in one huge battle. And guess who won. Queue 'I Stand Alone' by Godsmack. Bwahahaha!
Seriously, I don't give a rat's behind what you did today.
You know what I did? ITCH! I got into some poison sumac while doing an outdoor chore. I contact spread it to my left eyelid when I wiped sweat away, and further contact spread it to my peeny when I went to pee. I always have to go pee, it's a prostatitis thing. Itchy-itchy.
You ever take a cold shower when your core temperature is too warm? It's kinda blissful but something I'd never do in the wintertime, cold is usually painful to me but not when it was 103 outside today. I have red rashes on my knees and inside of my elbows. I suspect that I have one on my hiney too but I wore shorts (bad mistake) while doing those chores and my beloved posterior was covered.
I don't really dislike anyone. I just don't like insipid conversation. Talk about Quasars or how sorry it was when Anakin Solo bought it in that worldship over Myrkr. Not 'I was at the car lube place' or 'I scored a million points in a meaningless game'.
I have written thousands of stories. I continue to write. I have the knowing of a lot of different things. I am no genius but I can hold my own.
Oh, why couldn't Arthelius take me with him? Sorry bastard.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
WALL-E
I went to see WALL-E in the theater, and I've had the dvd since it came out. I like the story. I don't quite agree with the breakdown of directive programming in an artificial intelligence in the view of developing a personality but it is a Pixar movie and those animate normally inanimate things.
I watched it again recently. Its message resonates with me because of the whole trash thing. But more than that, the Buy-N-Large ultramegastore in it reminded me of walmart.
I left walmart on the first of June. I worked there for exactly 4 years and 1 day. Over that time, I saw it decay from a caring place to a paragon of capitalism's dark side, greed. Avarice. Mammon.
In that time, it moved further away from what Mr. Sam intended. It is so far away from that now, it could be on the moon.
In that time, it opened clinics in some stores. The money center, literally the walmart bank. Nevermind that most supercenters have actual banks in them. In the store I worked in, they were less than 15 feet apart.
Walmart seeks to influence you to buy products with its advertising and 'clever' displaying of crappy items to draw you into what may be desirable and certainly more costly. You can't seem to go to walmart and not drop at least $50 in any one visit.
In the store, it is more insistent, a drive to shove product down people's throats and take their money, driving consumerism and creating a dependence on it.
I still go to walmart. There isn't a lot of choice where I live to get some things. I mean, who else within 10 miles of the rural wasteland sells a computer mouse?
I don't really hate walmart. It is like Buy-N-Large in WALL-E, it does have what you need, but I hate a particular walmart. I hate that place and the people who work in it with a few exceptions. My Jen likely still works there.
Why did I leave? I have Anxiety Disorder. It was getting worse and there was not a night after work earlier this year that I did not think of cutting my wrists.
In the several months I have been away, I have gotten better. I still have moments but I can deal by sitting in this chair and doing my thing, writing and music.
I may have to return to walmart, but I will refuse to go back to that den of greed, the parasite on Ft Hood, the Buy-N-Large of K-Town, Walmart 407.
WALL-E's human people, the fat invalids who floated on the lift chairs within that monstrous cruise ship, remind me of the customers there. Cattle. No brain or will of their own.
I hope that the Mammon that walmart worships will lead to a serious karmic future when the American economy finally does collapse. The pursuit of money is a cancer in human society.
I don't have the answers. I mean, I wish I never had been born. I want to go back to the 80s when I was a little boy, way before I ever heard of walmart, way before I developed Anxiety Disorder, way before money was important, way before my personal pains in my pelvic area.
If a movie could conjure such a comparison to a feared corporate future when walmart is a major part of the government, WALL-E did it.
I still depend on walmart for my med. I still depend on it for the Pepsi cube and things like hardware and computer/phone needs.
This dependence is a shade of things to come, I fear.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Garbage
If it is one thing I know, it's garbage. I have taken out like a billion bags of trash at home and at work. I have worked in 4 different stores, mind you.
It is stinky, nasty and eww, you dont want the garbage water to drip on your shoes.
My family, that is my parents and me, generate 3 bags of trash weekly. This is because of rampant consumptionism. What does that mean? It means that they drink too many sodas. I drink soda too but I limit mine to as few a day as possible. I don't want to be diabetic like my dad. Also, newspapers and magazines. They abhor the internet for some idiotic reason and thus, do not know that most interesting things can be found online.
Then there is the food. For some reason, the people who cook here always make too much. As I get older, I find I cannot eat as much as I used to. I hate that things come in bags within boxes, waste. I hate plastic shopping bags, those fabricy ones the stores have, they're all right, I suppose. I know that some checkers do not like them because they seem 'nasty'. I think that is the wrong kind of senstivity.
I, by no means, am hardly innocent. I take two showers a day. This is because I don't feel comfortable if I don't. I do sweat, oh gosh, especially when my anxiety disorder is provoked. Or it's just plain hot like it is.
I mainly eat things that come in a can, soup, spaghettio's, chili, but I also eat a granola bar every morning. More trash. Recycling is a joke where I am from. No one takes it seriously. This attitude of throwing it away prevails.
People want money to recycle, that is, being paid for giving trash to be recycled. This is idiotic. Money is the source for most problems we have in modern society. We will be slaves to it until human extinction. And even then, the earth will bear the scars of humanity until the sun bloats and melts it all away in billions of years.
I wonder, if we cannot make things that are made of something natural and recyclable. Foil? Aluminum, like all metals, is endlessly recyclable. But you don't want your bread to come in a foil package. Instead, it's plastic, which usually comes from petroleum. Plastic is not endlessly recyclable. Maybe could be once to five times before it breaks down. I know little about mylar to be truthful. It makes up those balloons that the floral department sells and often the shiny bags that some snack things come in.
I don't have an answer. I don't believe that anyone does.
Truth is, we were not meant to live this way. Primates have existed for at least 30 million years. Why did we have to be so different? I wouldn't mind being a spider monkey myself. Unfortunately, I am naked skinned anthropoid ape cursed with sentience. We all are.
It would be a good thing to know what happened to the Neanderthals. It could happen to us, and then there would be nothing human to replace us.
And if that happened, the Earth would breathe a great sigh of relief.
It is stinky, nasty and eww, you dont want the garbage water to drip on your shoes.
My family, that is my parents and me, generate 3 bags of trash weekly. This is because of rampant consumptionism. What does that mean? It means that they drink too many sodas. I drink soda too but I limit mine to as few a day as possible. I don't want to be diabetic like my dad. Also, newspapers and magazines. They abhor the internet for some idiotic reason and thus, do not know that most interesting things can be found online.
Then there is the food. For some reason, the people who cook here always make too much. As I get older, I find I cannot eat as much as I used to. I hate that things come in bags within boxes, waste. I hate plastic shopping bags, those fabricy ones the stores have, they're all right, I suppose. I know that some checkers do not like them because they seem 'nasty'. I think that is the wrong kind of senstivity.
I, by no means, am hardly innocent. I take two showers a day. This is because I don't feel comfortable if I don't. I do sweat, oh gosh, especially when my anxiety disorder is provoked. Or it's just plain hot like it is.
I mainly eat things that come in a can, soup, spaghettio's, chili, but I also eat a granola bar every morning. More trash. Recycling is a joke where I am from. No one takes it seriously. This attitude of throwing it away prevails.
People want money to recycle, that is, being paid for giving trash to be recycled. This is idiotic. Money is the source for most problems we have in modern society. We will be slaves to it until human extinction. And even then, the earth will bear the scars of humanity until the sun bloats and melts it all away in billions of years.
I wonder, if we cannot make things that are made of something natural and recyclable. Foil? Aluminum, like all metals, is endlessly recyclable. But you don't want your bread to come in a foil package. Instead, it's plastic, which usually comes from petroleum. Plastic is not endlessly recyclable. Maybe could be once to five times before it breaks down. I know little about mylar to be truthful. It makes up those balloons that the floral department sells and often the shiny bags that some snack things come in.
I don't have an answer. I don't believe that anyone does.
Truth is, we were not meant to live this way. Primates have existed for at least 30 million years. Why did we have to be so different? I wouldn't mind being a spider monkey myself. Unfortunately, I am naked skinned anthropoid ape cursed with sentience. We all are.
It would be a good thing to know what happened to the Neanderthals. It could happen to us, and then there would be nothing human to replace us.
And if that happened, the Earth would breathe a great sigh of relief.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Alex, Too Close
This is Alex. This Infared 
satellite picture shows it in iffy detail. Remember, colder cloudtops mean harsher storms.
It's some distance from the area now but a hurricane's effects can reach across hundreds of miles.
It was cool today, a welcome respite from the torrential heat. Rain.
I like the rain. I like to run naked in it, lol, but I haven't done that in many years.
You know, if this thing jogs a little to the north, then it's ay-ya time here, you never want to be on the east side of a hurricane. It doesn't look like it will, it looks like it will pass over the Sierra Madre mountains of Mexico where it will fall apart and become just a low pressure system.
I hate thunderstorms. Unless you ever huddled in the dark after one knocks out the power, worrying, you cannot know how it feels.
It's all right, as I get older, it becomes just a thing. Like everything else.
satellite picture shows it in iffy detail. Remember, colder cloudtops mean harsher storms.It's some distance from the area now but a hurricane's effects can reach across hundreds of miles.
It was cool today, a welcome respite from the torrential heat. Rain.
I like the rain. I like to run naked in it, lol, but I haven't done that in many years.
You know, if this thing jogs a little to the north, then it's ay-ya time here, you never want to be on the east side of a hurricane. It doesn't look like it will, it looks like it will pass over the Sierra Madre mountains of Mexico where it will fall apart and become just a low pressure system.
I hate thunderstorms. Unless you ever huddled in the dark after one knocks out the power, worrying, you cannot know how it feels.
It's all right, as I get older, it becomes just a thing. Like everything else.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Celia
It's that time again. There seems to be one in the badly marred Gulf of Mexico forming but it is too early to tell how strong it will be or where it will go. This one is a week old, well defined, and won't cause much trouble. It'll cross into cold water before even getting close to Hawaii and fall apart.
Let us appreciate the natural beauty of storms from high above thanks to the GEOS satellites.
Celia, kind of reminds me of Celica, lol. Never knew a girl named Celia that I can remember. I hope you like this picture, and remember, cyclonic storms on Earth pale into comparison to some, like say on Jupiter.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Poor Stephany
I told you.
This van der sloot character is the purest scum. He killed Natalee and now he killed Stephany. This bastard needs to be hung by his neck until he is dead, but that is merciful compared to what he did to these undeserving of cruelty girls.
Wtf was he doing in Peru anyway? I hope some hardcore criminal in the jail they put him in makes him his bitch. I hope someone slashes him. I hope the spirits of these two girls laugh as he is put through hell.
What drew them to him? Money? Money is not a factor when looking for just a f-thing. And if you did the f-thing with someone, the last thing you think about should be hurting them.
It makes me sooo angry. I hope and wish for a real girlfriend, not the sex friends Ive had. This filth wastes his opportunities, decries love and murders them.
I hope justice is found for Stephany and Natalee. Putting him in jail for life is not justice.
The final justice is not a human matter. I believe God will punish this filth.
Arthelius says: Undeserving through acts calls for a bitter remedy.
Yeah, maybe where he is from. :(
This van der sloot character is the purest scum. He killed Natalee and now he killed Stephany. This bastard needs to be hung by his neck until he is dead, but that is merciful compared to what he did to these undeserving of cruelty girls.
Wtf was he doing in Peru anyway? I hope some hardcore criminal in the jail they put him in makes him his bitch. I hope someone slashes him. I hope the spirits of these two girls laugh as he is put through hell.
What drew them to him? Money? Money is not a factor when looking for just a f-thing. And if you did the f-thing with someone, the last thing you think about should be hurting them.
It makes me sooo angry. I hope and wish for a real girlfriend, not the sex friends Ive had. This filth wastes his opportunities, decries love and murders them.
I hope justice is found for Stephany and Natalee. Putting him in jail for life is not justice.
The final justice is not a human matter. I believe God will punish this filth.
Arthelius says: Undeserving through acts calls for a bitter remedy.
Yeah, maybe where he is from. :(
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Natalee
I remember clearly. A girl who was part of a senior trip (which we never had in '94) disappeared in a foreign country. This is always a serious matter. Americans are unpopular in a lot of places.
But this girl, I try to imagine what it was like, this Eurotrash boy and savage islanders charming her, then betrayting her. What did they do to her? If I was in charge of the investigation (like that would happen), I would have put those guys in a situation that told what they did to her. If it involved hurting them, so what? It's for Natalee.
I won't excuse any behaviour that led to trouble then or now. I've lived 34 years without being drunk, without smoking, without drugs. If I can do that, others can as well.
I pray justice is found for Natalee. I hope this van der Sloot character is hung by his neck until he is dead. It is no more than he deserves.
Arthelius could have found Natalee if he was me, for real. But no, he is just my online persona.
If anyone objects, tell me. Missing white girl syndrome? Kiss my white ass.
But this girl, I try to imagine what it was like, this Eurotrash boy and savage islanders charming her, then betrayting her. What did they do to her? If I was in charge of the investigation (like that would happen), I would have put those guys in a situation that told what they did to her. If it involved hurting them, so what? It's for Natalee.
I won't excuse any behaviour that led to trouble then or now. I've lived 34 years without being drunk, without smoking, without drugs. If I can do that, others can as well.
I pray justice is found for Natalee. I hope this van der Sloot character is hung by his neck until he is dead. It is no more than he deserves.
Arthelius could have found Natalee if he was me, for real. But no, he is just my online persona.
If anyone objects, tell me. Missing white girl syndrome? Kiss my white ass.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Pointless Anger
Sorry, I've been neglecting my blog. My cheapo dial-up internet is too slow and I lose patience with it. Bad, that is, I am a patient person normally.
I am growing to think that the Epoque Americaine is coming to a slow sad end. Is this the end time? Will the world end? NO! I worry that a devalued economy, political ideological bickering, and the crumbling of our infrastucture will spell the greatest challenge for this imperfect union.
I hate political ideology. Hello! For over 150 years, the USA did well enough on its on without globalization. But as people like me who lost a job to foreign outsourcing know, the pain of going somewhere like the Big Evil (walmart), the stupification of personal worth.
How can I still be upset? I've spent 4 years there. I have been on a medically-approved leave of absence, stress got to me, you know.
I can't help but feel bad for nobility in Europe murdered by 'revolutionaries'. I hope they look down on Europe today and know the mistake of those peasants gave rise to things like Nazism and the Evil Empire. The dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991 is something I will never forget. I don't know when it was acceptable to think of Russia as a friend. Perhaps it's not.
Representative democracy? Pericles would laugh.
I wish I was born 100 years before I was, often. Life was not so upsetting then.
I'll update this more, perhaps be sweeter. I have a sweet heart, you know.
I am growing to think that the Epoque Americaine is coming to a slow sad end. Is this the end time? Will the world end? NO! I worry that a devalued economy, political ideological bickering, and the crumbling of our infrastucture will spell the greatest challenge for this imperfect union.
I hate political ideology. Hello! For over 150 years, the USA did well enough on its on without globalization. But as people like me who lost a job to foreign outsourcing know, the pain of going somewhere like the Big Evil (walmart), the stupification of personal worth.
How can I still be upset? I've spent 4 years there. I have been on a medically-approved leave of absence, stress got to me, you know.
I can't help but feel bad for nobility in Europe murdered by 'revolutionaries'. I hope they look down on Europe today and know the mistake of those peasants gave rise to things like Nazism and the Evil Empire. The dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991 is something I will never forget. I don't know when it was acceptable to think of Russia as a friend. Perhaps it's not.
Representative democracy? Pericles would laugh.
I wish I was born 100 years before I was, often. Life was not so upsetting then.
I'll update this more, perhaps be sweeter. I have a sweet heart, you know.