Unable to .... No M-thing :(

Unlike Arthelius the Ghost, my net counterpart, I have a penis connected by a troubled urethra to a much troubled prostate gland and a bladder that wishes it was in someone else.

I don't usually talk about my peeny. It isn't something that I like to talk about. It isn't that I don't like it. I love mine. It has never failed me and has amused me for most of my life. Certain things are interesting. Its shape, its circumcision scar, and its general pinkness.

The only woman with whom I had sex considered it a beautiful thing and was muchly satisfied with it. I valued her opinion and feel confident that I could satisfy all but the loosest women.

However.... my peeny is troubled.

It is NOT sick in any way. It is a bystander to the real action, an angry prostate. My prostate throbs, my urethra, which passes through it like a train tunnel in a mountain, burns with ????

It hurts when I pee. It hurts when I sit down. It hurts when I bend over. It hurts when I stretch, twist, or carry something heavy. It hurts right now just writing this.

I have held off doing the m-thing because it alwys hurts really bad afterwards, especially in the morning after. And when the pain is the worst, it tends to leak urine, which you know, might be embarrassing, but crap! I love my underwear. I wear color coordinated underwear that I look good in. (Black when I go to work, white on my day off or gray, depends on the shirt I'm wearing).

While it may never happen, if someone robs me and Jen or our store and makes us strip to our underwear, I will not be the worst looking guy.

I don't actually like peeing. It has been annoyance since I tend to pee a lot when properly hydrated, which I have been intentionally avoiding to my detriment. Dr. L really hates that.

My prostate is angry because? No one really knows. It may just be pissed off that I'm not getting any.

I do the m-thing to purge hormones that distort my thinking into thinking about sex, but also because I believe it is healthy.

Now when I try, my peeny functions as designed but prostate says, 'I don't think so.... chump'.

It intensifies in pain and sends burning pain down my urtethra, making it feel like I am wetting myself when I am not.

My peeny does not stay in its rigid state long if I am hurting. It senses, I guess, that the plumbing isn't working right. It is dry anyway. I have severe dry skin and the 11% humidity today was not exactly helping.

I'm sorry, peeny, I never intended to develop an angry and painful prostate.

I am growing frustrated with this whole thing. I will order a new Vivid movie now and try again.

If Jen would open up just once and showed me her exquisite beauty unclothed, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard, you know?

Somewhere, in the depths of the Force, Arthelius is laughing at me, the douchebag.

Cold

Apparently, there will be an ice storm visiting the rural wasteland. Good thing I don't work tomorrow.

I remember an ice storm in my hometown years ago that knocked out the power for a week straight. Ewww. I had a sticky peeny from the m-thing, being the teenager I was then, and then sticky elsewhere. Going without a shower is terrible. Hair gets oily and matted, you smell, and we feel icky.

I have poor circulation in my extremities. This means my hands and feet for you uneducated. They go numb when I get cold. I shiver, I feel cold inside and it is nearly unbearable.

I have many blankets on my bed. I have a lot of sweaters and sweatshirts. I hate wearing coats. I have mittens and I dont stray far from the heater.

My skin gets very dry. Already, my hands are cracking and bleeding. Even my peeny gets dry. I use Aveeno and St Ives (with shea butter). I like the way shea butter smells and the relief it gives my skin.

I wrote all this to show why envy Arthelius.

He has none of these problems. Ah, it ain't so bad being a ghost.

Why I Like Madonna

I am cheerful because I didn't lose my job. It will fade as the week wears on.

I want to clarify something that some deride me for.

Yes, I like Madonna. I actually have love for her. One of the first times I heard anything but Country music when I was a child was Madonna. I don't remember what song it was, likely 'Lucky Star' or 'Borderline' but I was instantly fascinated.

I love her voice. It is what a female voice should sound like. Of course, Jen's voice could onbly belong to a girl. Her voice is higher than Madonna's but she sings very nicely.

Madonna is beautiful. She is uninhibited, which is is a nice thing to see in an empowered female. She can write, which I think is great, because a female who writes shows her intellect, which some people do not see in a female.

When 'Ray of Light' came out, it was only better. She collaborated with William Orbit, who is a tremendous musician I like a lot too. Strange Cargo III is one of my favorite albums.

She does make errors like we all do. 'Hard Candy' is MTV fluff. She couldn't stay with what made her enjoyable, and what she did best.

I still like her. I have almost all of her albums.

It does not make me gay if I love Madonna. I'd do her if I had the chance, eww, not now because she is just 3 years younger than my mom.

My favorite song by Madonna is 'Beautiful Stranger'.

I do not care if gay guys identify with her. I don't care about them at all. I get tingly when I just hug my girlfriend. How could they not like females when I feel such an elemental attraction to exquisite femininity?

That is why I don't understand gay guys. I do not like other guys anyway. I have a lot of female friends and maybe three male friends.

The great majority of characters in my stories are female. This is because they are in roles traditionally thought to be male roles.

Madonna is an inspiration. She should not be compared with the likes of Britney or Christina A. Harlots, they are.

With age comes grace. Madonna shows this.

I like Madonna for a lot of reasons and she has the most songs by a single artist in my windows media player.

Arthelius met with spectral Madonna once. Even a ghost like him gets some sometimes.

Too bad I don't :(

Grr.....Sex

I have a frigid girlfriend. She wont even consider sex until we are married and that is not possible at the moment because we have no money. I have been her boyfriend for more than a year. I have waited for so long but I cannot wait anymore.

I am producing more than the average amount of seminal fluid with each time I do the m-thing. This is because I am stimulated by her.

I have bought more naughty movies. I need more stimulation.

This isnt enough!

I need to be with a female. If it is not Jen, then so be it.

I have trouble with betraying her but she doesn't have to know.

I do not want trouble with 2 females but it is likely Jen and I will never have a sexual aspect to our relationship.

Until that happens, I do the m-thing. *sigh*

Trouble

2 entries tonight. This, the first one, is the bad one.

I am in trouble for missing too many days at work. This so called decsion day about my employment is on sunday. I hope that my manager accepts the stupid reason I have for calling in, my troublesome prostate.

I hate wm even more now. I will say no more on this matter but I worry.

Annoyances

It could be my family, who constantly want me to do something. I am not a servitor. I get ebough of that bs at work.

It could be my girlfriend, who is frigid and doesn't reply to messages.

It could be my physical condition, my prostate hurting or the searing pain when I pee. General tiredness from the week's misery or the stupification of my celexa.

It could be that I haven't done the m-thing in 2 days. I don't believe Ive had a conscious erection in at least 2 days.

Lack of sex is for the better part something I rarely thought about since I was shy before the celexa and now am too tired or too annoyed to go look for some.

My teeth aren't in the best condition. Soe of my fillings have fallen out over the years and my left front tooth is chipped badly. Working in a store has its hazards, parrticularly if you are a stocker like me.

Now my eyes are bothering me. They seem to be irritated, though given my house, that is hardly a surprise. This rural area surrounded by allergy provokling cedar trees, dirt roads, highway fumes, pollen, then the smoking done by my family. The insensitive sods they are. I cannot see clearly for some reason. I will go to the eye doctor very soon. I am supposed to already have gone months ago.

It could be this Obama-mania. I want hard news and analysis. Not fawning over the president.

It could be the realization that I can write a better story but I lack the discipline to do so.

It could be my radio, which is failing after 10 years of constant service. I always have the radio on. It is one of my things I gotta have. Something from a childhood fear that left me unable to sleep without it on.

It could be my room, which is a combo between garbage dump and tornado damage. Only my clothes are well kept, though I've resorted to putting my off day clothes in a large plastic tote.

It could be that I need new glasses. The damned things aren't cheap. Especially if you have a powerful prescrption like I do.

This annoyance calvalcade wears on my anxiety, which is something I do NOT need.

When my tax refund comes, thankfully soon, I will see about going somewhere just to enjoy the day. It would be even better if Jen could come.

I need to go. I am getting sleepy and the *sigh* I have to pee again.

I'll be going to the cesspit tomorrow for new music, possibly new shoes and I will drop by Jen's house.

Understand, if I am blessed with a sex friend, it is in no way an affront to Jen. She doesn't and wouldn't care to know.

There is a little Arthelius in me. I am not the ghost he is, however.

Shock

Ever increasingly, I am frustrated with my frigid gf. Do you know that I have not even seen her belly button in the 14 months we have been a 'couple'?

She tells me that it is wroing to want sex from her. WTF??? It isn't a WANT, it is a NEED.

I trust her enough to undertake this most intimate of things. She does not understand this. She says it is 'against her religion'. What a freakin hypocrite. She does little else to demonstrate her Catholicism.

If anything, she will be damned for belittling human life. She is enamored with dogs. I wouldn't be surprised if she did sexual things with them.

Sick, true. She is sick in the head for behaving this way.

Enough about her. I humor her into believing I still love her. Part of me does but not the part that regulates my physicality.

The Shock came at work with a girl named Cat nearly exposed herself to me, apparently to shock me. She did a fine job of that because that ruffled my feathers big time. Cat is a cute Black girl that works in the front of the store. She is the polar opposite of Jen in personality.

If she becomes my sex friend, then Jen has only herself to blame.

Pull your head out of your ass, dear one, and realize, you are not getting younger.

I do not pressure anyone to do anything. I only accept gifts given freely.

I don't know. It is anxiety driven by my prostatic pain. I must know if I can still do it.

Why doesn't Jen understand this?

It is a question that may cost her a lifelong love and companion.

Horrible

I may seem like I complain a lot. I don't. I am a patient and understanding guy.

However, I HATE wrking in Grocery anymore. The work is thankless, crowded by customers, with people who are a clique unto themselves.

No thank you, I am not part of your team anymore. It says Sales Associate on my badge. The schedule calls me a Dept. 16 Sales Clerk. I am that. Department 6 is the GC, which has its own flaws but they are trivial compared to Grocery.

I am 'helping' a lost cause. I mean, what do we do all day but put stuff out that didn't go out the days before? In other stores, this is done on specific days by the regular stock crew. However, the store I work in is so freaking big and busy, it needs constant replenishment.

Sometimes, the replenishment can't keep up with demand. This leads to disappointing a customer, which wm claims it never does. That is BS and we all know it.

I did not ask to be put back in Grocery. I am mad at myself for accepting it.

I keep my head down and work at what I do well, stocking. I go see Jen when it gets tough because a girlfriend's love is a powerful pick-me-up.

I am sad because I am in a task that I did not want or ask for.

Only monday to go. It is my friday and usually is the worst day because of kiritchiny managers. KMA.

This upset tickles my anxiety. My anxiety causes uncomfortble tension. Tension that squeezes on my already injured prostate.

And people wonder why I'm uncomfortable.

I envy Arthelius. He does what he likes and no one makes him do anything,

Upset, Very Upset

I had some crummy days off. I was sick, yes, but I spent most of the time either sleeping or vegatating thanks to my celexa-clone.

But yesterday, when I went to work, they informed me, without my consent, to put me back in Grocery. I left fucking Grocery for a reason.

It is the deepest smelliest and darkest part of the cesspit run by stupid bitches. The only saving grace they have is that the store is in the parasite of FT Hood, K-Town. The sales would be good if there was a dirt floor and spiderwebs in the celing, which there are in places but I digress.


I hate my job, yes. Not the work, but the people. Why must there be supplication or politics? It's damned store, not Congress.

I am upset to the max.

I need to close this out and go chill.

I'll be okay, as long as there's a reason to believe in life, my reason, Jen, my dear one.

Getting Sicker

Oh, I wish I could be really Arthelius for a day. It hurts in my chest to cough now. It's painful and scary.

I called into work because of this because certain things in the store make me cough more than I normally would. I hurt so bad when I do.

I don't know why, but it always seems that when I get sick, its usually worse than other people's sicknesses. I can't say the rural wasteland here is all that spotless. I do things like wash dishes and forget to wash my hands afterwards. Then there is the trash taking, down the hill, across the road and the burned area to the dumpster, which has moved 30 feet since y2k.

I guess it's my lot in life to feel badly mentally or physically. NOTE: Jen has not texted or called to see if I was okay.

I hope I get better soon.

Just Awful

When I woke up today, I had a painful and mucus extracting cough that ravages my throat, I have it still, but it has been reined in a bit by DayQuil and Ricola.

I left work early because I feel awful and my cough is painful and embarrassing to me. I sneezed earlier and a gob of mucus hit my left shoe. Eww.

Oh. sorry, a 45 minute break whilst I took a bath/shower to get rid of a bone chilling coldness I had.

Anyway, I feel awful physically, sure, but it will eventually pass. There is another awful that is not so easy to displace.

I don't know why but many of the females in my work area talk about sex. Their experiences and how often they like to have it. It is a wonderful thing. I agree with that, but I haven't actually done it since the balmy late summer of y2k.

My mentally immature girlfriend refuses any talk of sex until we are married. Do I want to spend my elder years with this girl who considers her dogs her children, who has no idea of what life is really like? I am of the firm belief that when we do have sex, it will unlock this easiness to her charm. She will be better for it, not being so uptight and prudish all the time.

When those females talk of sex, I walk away. They remind me of what I do not have. I am stupidly loyal to Jen. But if I defer to her beliefs, then I may be 50 before even seeing her naked.

She has been my girlfriend for more than a year. When is it time to give up? I feel neglected by her and she wonders why I don't come to her spartan house that smells of dogs? Why doesn't she understand that I dont like dogs?

It does not make me a bad person. I am a cat person. I love my cats but they are pets, not family members. They stay outside and do what cats do, sleep and eat and crap.

I hope she reads this. I can't get the nerve to tell her how I feel sometimes. She gets upset so easy.

I am physically neglected by my girlfriend. Many say it is wrong and I should leave her but what is love but an overpowering force?

I woundn't mind in the least bit if I had a sex friend separate from my gf. She wounldn't know and if she did, I don't really think she'd care if she was not involved.

Arthelius had several sex friends and one true love. He did all right, but now he's spectral with a Wookie female who has all but inherited his legacy. Not that Marakka is anything like sensuously desireable from a human POV.

Ah, the trials of being a ghost. I envy that, really.

Hmm... Friends?

You know, I dont know much about Facebook, though I have a page there. I am a lowly wm associate and usually asocial guy. I have Social Anxiety, genius.

So when a person whom I utterly detested in school tried to add me as a friend on Facebook, I said no. And this isn't because I'm childish. I have not really heard from any of my friends from school and I don't want to hear about their fabulous lives, beautiful. loving wives or their stupid kids.

I have a frigid girlfriend who considers her dogs as her children. She is 28, mind you.

I work in the deepest part of the cesspit that is K-town.

If you want to be my friend, visit my myspace page or send me an e~mail. Mind that I know most of my friends in person.

First Post of 2009 CE

I don't really care about modernity, the fact that year changes. It's just a date on the calendar. I read almost exclusively about the far future in books, and my stories take place 9000 years from now.

Modern life is so much BS. Like on my NetZero start page, a story from time that Facebook is deleting any picture that has even the barest suggestion of a nipple in it.

WTF??? Nipples are a hallmark of a mammal. We all have them. It is not obscene or sexual unless you make it so.

I hate that sort of hypocrisy.

I don't care if a woman's nipples show. I think it is nice to look at, imo. It has happened to Jen before and while she won't let me look, she will let me touch and she has nothing to be ashamed of.

I am muddle headed. Something is wrong. I slept for 11 and a half hours last night. I wasn't even that tired.

I don't understand that. I am running really low on my celexa-clone and have only two left. I must save them for tomorrow. The pharmacy is closed. Why? Because of a date on the calendar? Give me a freakin break.

Why do I have to work if they don't?

I don't get it. Maybe something will happen to change the way we live. I hope Obama cracks down. but it's likely he won't because no one person can change this nonsense that is life today.

Happy New Year? Not hardly. It's the same old thing in the rural wasteland. See you at the wm tomorrow :P