Return of Dia-Icky

It has been a while. I mean, true, there has been a poor diet as someone dear is in the hospital and our normal way of doing things is in a disarray.

I think it has to do with milk. I don't know what else could have caused the worst sort of dia-icky there is.

I have a handful of days yet before I can go to the store. I can't go do my laundry, it is two weeks since I have done it and I am running out of socks. I HAVE to have socks, it's that important.

Lucky, this is the black part of my distorted laundry cycle so maybe, should I have an accident, it won't be so bad.

I am hurting because my gut clenched, whose muscle action squishes my prostate gland, upsetting it.

Maybe it is the sugar death but it hasn't really affected me like this before.

Nothing funny about it this time. That was bad, just plain awful.

Hate Sunday

Another sunday.

What is bad about today? Worse than average male pain. Sunlight reflecting off the truck and straight into my eyes. Arguments with my father.

I did not sleep well. Could be the noise people make on this day when my anxiety is the worst.

Should I write a Hate Sunday post every sunday? Why not?

I will try to be more positive later.

A Better Shave

I hate shaving and I hate facial hair more. I wish I didn't have it. I shave every Tuesday because it hurts to do it more.

Dragging sharp pieces of metal across your skin seems barbaric. Why can't they find an economical way to do away with androgenic hair?

I took it slowly this time but I wish the shave gel was warm, it was cold. Heating a pressurized can is beyond stupid. Might think of another way, like when it is in the shave bowl.

I wonder why it is okay to shave far more sensitive skin with a Bodygroom electric razor but it cannot be used on face. I don't like electric face razors. I have one for when it is too cold to wet shave.

I will get a new one before the next cold time.

I could post all of my shave check pictures but do you want to see that?

Just my face this time.

Didn't Forget

I have been having issues of what I can post in this blog. I want you to read it but I also want to show some things.

I can change settings and make it possible but it would restrict access and do you want that?

I did not forget that it is Hate Sunday. What was bad about today? Nothing much really. I have been hurting but it is going away.

I woke up with the worse male pain. This is because of pressure on my prostate because I had to go poo.

That thing that happens to guys when they sleep happens to me more often than not but MeUndies briefs wont let it. In fact, it sort of stretches them so there isn't that little scrap of my scrotal skin showing when I sit down.

I skipped this month of MeUndies because of inventory issues. I wanted a red pair and they said they will replenish in October. I will see if I can get a red pair to color match. I have 3 or 4 red shirts and two red pairs of MeUndies and a red pair of Male Basics briefs, which fit tightly to enhance the 'package', something I detest.

You don't need to know I have parts to tell that I am male. Of course at Wal-Mart, I was mistaken for a girl by customers on more than a few occasions. You have seen my chest pictures here. Do I have female features? No.

I had panic+ when that happened. Shaken  self-confidence. I started to go to the video store and buy naughty movies to reaffirm my attraction.

My attraction is to females. At that time, Jen was still my girlfriend and a 'cute couple' we were, many said.

I still don't understand clearly what happened.

That's all in the past and so I have hate sundays and general loneliness. I honestly do not want to see her again. Brings back memory and feeling that I do not want.

We are without a car still and that really means nothing since I have no money right now. I do worry about when I do, what then? I have to pay some things. No one is checking the po box either. It will build up and since I get stuff off Amazon and etc... how will I pick it up?

Told you about questions.

I smell iffy, deodorant fails after 24 hours or so and it had been closer to 32 since I last bathed. I did it in the afternoon which was because I was hurting. Now that it isn't so bad, I can tolerate my left hip pain as it is not unusual for me to have, I can resume my normal activity.

So, I will go bathe and read 'The Hydrogen Sonata' at the same time. That is when I read, in the bath, perfect stillness and quiet time.

I don't like quiet usually, it bothers me.

Really Hurting

I believe I hurt my left hip walking all that way yesterday. I walked for 10 kilometers. Really. I had panic sweat and looked awful. I had my mp3 player with me and that made it bearable.

I think it was the shoes. I am getting new ones that don't hurt my feet. My feet seem okay today and the pain in my knees is subsiding but my hip is like 'don't stress me or I will drop you'.

I can barely raise my leg like in a normal step. I have to walk slowly.

I don't know. I stopped drinking milk some time ago and I don't take vitamins so I don't know if I am getting enough calcium. I am stuck with a diet my vegetable hating family has.

Someone dear is in the hospital and that affects everything.

I will go soak in hot water to ease this pain. It does help but if it is a bone pain I feel, I cannot tell. If it persists, I will have to go to the doctor. Why couldn't this happen when I have some money? I don't trust medicare.

I have to go anyway for a new anxiety med. I wouldn't have sweated so much and became dehydrated like I was.

I am sorry if this seems like a neverending story of misery. I did have fun playing Sins of a Solar Empire.

I am trying to write a story as well.

I do wish I was really a ghost. They have no muscles to be sore or bones to worry about. But I will stay here in the earthly life.

Mistake? Certainly Regret

There was a need for sugar. Feel the sugar death when one has it. However, since there is no car here, I had to walk along the busiest highway in the area of Tx in which I live.

I wore my New Balance Trail sneakers because I thought that would be best. Was I wrong.

My feet HURT. I am not used to walking so far. I had anxiety trouble the whole way and panic sweat, my clothes were soaked.

My knees started to hurt as I was coming back. That pain is subsiding but not my feet. They rage.

I have heard people brag about running 10 miles. I walked a total of six and a half and it was the worst idea.

The air temperature was in the low 80s F. The sun was covered by considerable cloudiness that is the tropical moisture we inherited from Hurricane Odile.

I was not sweating for too warm. It was anxiety sweat. I had to wash when I got home. It was hard. My feet and legs raged.

They are liable to be sore when I wake up tomorrow.

I am genetically predisposed to arthritis and gout. Will this provoke it? I hope not. I am used to male pain, not pain in other parts of me and my feet and knees hurt for no reason sometimes. Now that they have a reason, they HURT.

I won't post a picture of my feet. I consider them more private than my private parts. How weird is that?

Where I Hurt

In this picture is male anatomy. Forgive me but it is here to show where I hurt.

Notice where the prostate gland is.


In this picture, it is very clear as to why pooing is so painful for me. It is right by the rectum. I have read in many places, stimulating a male's prostate gland is sexually pleasing.

Not so for me. My prostate is a clarion bell of pain, it radiates out from there.

The blue area in the picture is where I hurt when I pee, warm acid feeling and I guess sphincter pain. It feels like it resisted opening sometimes. That's not good, is it?

I remember when Dr. H performed a 'prostate massage' in 2009. He squished it with considerable force, causing me to have an extremely embarrassing reaction. Made a mess, actually.

He said that this must be done every once and a while. However, the urology clinic won't help me with medicare. (What good is it, then?)

My male parts function normally otherwise. I could have a sexual encounter if anxiety did not prevent it. Anxiety can kill excitement like a switch. This happened in my last sexual experience in mid-action. That was so embarrassing, I could feel the beet red blush on my face. I never could do it again with her (Malee).

I have only had 3 girlfriends in my life. One was when I was 24 and Jen.... with whom I had no physical relation. Malee was not my friend, she was a sex friend. I cannot justify having one of those again. It gets too complicated.

I would like my parts removed. All of it but they are not likely to do that without a medical need. I need them if I am to ever have a child.

I saw on CNN today about an old corrupt elderly politician running for Congress. He has a 25 year old 'wife' and a 1-year-old son by him.

This is why I cannot rule it out. I am only 38. I just can't with anxiety.

Arthelius the Ghost, who has no male parts that are tangible, said, 'Not having the constant need is like 'purity'.'

I guess I will not achieve 'purity'.

Sensitive Question

Do you take pictures of your private parts? I do. Mainly shave check pictures and see how my skin is doing in this summer of skin irritation, bug bites, and the general aging of my parts.

I cannot post such pictures here. Well, I could, but you would get the idea that I am a perv and I am not.

I am not shy about my parts. I mean, they have been kneaded, ultrasounded, CT Scanned, even had a fiber-optic camera in there once. Ever got a shot in the glans of your peena? I did, the anesthetic they used that numbed feeling so they could put a camera there.

It will likely be done again if I can go back. I don't know. Something has to be done, I am having urinary trouble more than ever.

I won't post a picture of my parts unless someone asks. Given the history of this blog, no one will.

Hurricane Edouard

Another tropical cyclone to mention on this Hate Sunday.

This dramatic picture is of Edouard, Category 1-ish, in the Atlantic.


It is forecasted to strengthen in the next few days.

This storm will be deflected from the USA by an atmospheric trough and will cross the Atlantic, get caught up in the Westerlies, accelerating and becoming extratropical. It will eventually pass over cold water and dissipate.

What is with these funny names? I guess the good ones are already taken.

Hurricane Odile

This is a beast of a cyclone. Odile, in the Pacific, just south of Baja California.






Category 4, strength has leveled off and it has a double eyewall, which can cause intensity to fluctuate.

It will go parallel to Baja, buffeting its west coast with heavy rain and big winds. I hope people take precautions as I write this.

The danger isn't just from the wind, extremely heavy rains can cause flash flooding which always creates problems.

This storm will pass into drier air and colder water, which are harmful to a tropical storm. After dissipation, it will cause heavy rain in the American Southwest, hopefully in California where they need it so.

Cold Reminder

If you have read my blog for a while, you know how I hate cold weather. It hurts and numbs.

A cold front swept through this area where it was 98 yesterday, and dropped the temperature dramatically. It is 57 F as I write this, wind chill of 52 F.

I am adapted to hot weather, as it has been toasty hot so even a relatively mild temperature like 57 feels cold. I am not shivering nor are my feet numb so it is not truly cold.

Cold will be back. It is seasonal starting in this area typically late in October. I remember years where hot weather persisted until November. I do not believe this will be one of those years.

I don't appreciate this reminder of cold. I am tempted to turn on my heater but that is ridiculous.

I start to feel cold when the temperature drops below 75. I can get a chill even at 80.

If this upcoming cold season is as bad as the last one, I might invest in a spacesuit so I don't have to freeze.

Assuming I don't harm myself before then, of course.

Ouch

I was shaving and the Schick Hydro razor sliced into my skin. Damn it. I am SICK of shaving. I have to find a new razor. I need to have one that does not cut me so bad.

I did take a shave check picture but I am not posting it.

I don't know why humans need androgenic hair. It has no point in human society. Shaving it, face, body, pubic area, legs, has been done since the Ancient Egyptians.

I have to drag sharp pieces of metal or use a mechanical shimmying mini-saw blade to shave my androgenic hair. You cant use Bodygroom on your face. It would hurt and be too rough. But it's okay to shave one's scrotum with it. Okay....

Why do I do this? I hate it, I like smooth skin like that I had before I had androgenic hair. But as I get further from those days, it becomes nigh intolerable.

I don't have a female in my life to look good for. Until this happens, likely or not, I will do what I like. The more I think about it, I believe I suffer without a female in my life.

No, I know I suffer.

Another Hate Sunday

It comes every 7 days. This accursed day of slowness, of inaction, of watching football or some other ultimately meaningless thing.

I don't like Sundays. I feel very bad, depressed sort of. I don't know why. It could be the whole situation with the playstation 2.

I am having male pain. I leak when I pee because I can't feel if all of it is gone. When pee stops, is that it? In me, not always. So I get a wet spot in my underwear.

I am wearing CR7 Color Block Fashion briefs. You don't want to get a pee spot in those, do ya? I don't.

I get dehydrated because I avoid drink to not pee. I don't like to pee, it hurts. I have to do it or I could get very sick or more than likely, have an accident.

Normally, a guy isn't conscious of his male parts most of the time. It is just there. My parts hurt, I am always conscious of them.

Aside from that, I hear how dangerous sugary drinks are as I am drinking one. How could I do that? Why does everything I do seem bad or wrong?

I went to the store yesterday with messy hair. Look like a fucking slob with that. How could I do this?

I resist the urge to hang myself. How long can I keep doing this? Sunday will come again, for as long as there are weeks and days.

Hurricane Norbert

This is Hurricane Norbert, Category 3, off the coast of Baja. It is a powerful storm but it is weakening as I write this, crossing into cooler waters.



It is forecasted to weaken and join upper level ridging over Northern Mexico and the American Southwest, creating heavy rain with its remnant moisture. It can't come to Texas, can it? We need
the rain.

It makes for a swirly picture of a tropical cyclone, something to appreciate on an otherwise unhappy day.

Important?

I am super upset. This can cross into suicidal feeling if made worse. Why? I mean, I'm not hungry.

No, okay, several months ago, the power switch of my playstation 2 went bad. Fell apart really. Couldn't turn it on. I mainly use it to play my ps1 and ps2 games. I don't like the ps3 and wish I never got one.

So, when I could afford it, I ordered a used one, knowing the risk in such a venture. It came in forthwith fashion and I loaded the Final Fantasy 12 disc in it.

Nothing happened. I checked everything that I know to see if it worked and it did not, the disc motor is bad.

So maybe I could use my otherwise undamaged ps2 to fix it. That did not work. They are different product generations and incompatible.

I sliced my thumb on a sharp piece of plastic while working on them and gave up. Now I took it apart. I can't send it back.

I am a fool. I should have never done that. Now I will have to order a new one when I can afford it but I have things to renew in October. I have already taken care of KMT which is the most expensive magazine I subscribe to. I have to renew Analog and Penthouse.

Also Norton 360 is coming up. NEED it.

I staggered these so they would not come all at the same time.

I am having body trouble. I am having difficulty peeing. While this is not unusual for me, it is worse than usual. It could be related to the upset I feel, causing body stress on my prostate. How it got damaged in the first place.

I don't understand how I could fuck up so badly. You would think at my age, I would know better.

I will be here but really, would it truly matter to you if I wasn't?

Need a New Razor

I am hungry yes, but that doesn't stop the weekly dragging of sharp pieces of metal across my face. I ran out of Aveeno shave cream and had to use an unfamiliar kind. This did not help keep from hurting me like Aveeno does.

I hate shaving, I hate facial hair. I would take estrogen to make it stop but I don't want boobies.

I don't know. My facial hair is mostly gray now. It isn't attractive and I don't like having it or the way it feels.

This isn't about showing my age, it is about feeling.

I shave my other parts with an electric razor meant for that. That's about feeling, too, but also, adds neotenal appeal to me, I believe.

I stopped posting shave check pictures but I will post this one to show me when I am hungry. I will get food tonight, in 6.5 hours. I am going to Jack in the Box, mainly because it is open at that time of night.

Have a look. Do I seem appealing to you?

A Joke Day

Labor Day....

I haven't had a job since the 1st of June of 2010. That was when I self-terminated from Walmart. I had actually left in April of that year on the advice of my doctor.

I honestly believe if I hadn't left, I would have killed myself by now. I just couldn't deal.

Now I am on disability for this fucking debilitating condition I have. I mean, who gets a panic attack when breathing?

I don't know. All I know is that Labor Day doesn't apply to me. I do not work. I sit here at the computer all day.

I miss human contact. I go to the store just one time a month. It is pretty much the only time I leave the house, though I will have to start going to the Laundromat again like I used to do a long time ago.

I am okay if people leave me alone. If it is too busy, I will come back later. I have 'Dune Messiah' to read while doing the laundry.

Unfortunately, I will have a hard time making it to this day because of how I feel.

I am going hungry. There's nothing to eat. A failure in the monthly food budget and operation led to this. I will be okay after tomorrow night as I write this. I have already lost 5 pounds, which isn't a bad thing. I might post a picture of me in my MeUndies to show it off. My booty though....

Seriously, I have long established how I feel about holidays of any kind in my blog. Labor Day is supposed to be the 'end of summer'. Why then is it still 97 F outside?

Summer will end when it ends. The weather doesn't respect the calendar. That was true last Winter/Spring here.

I wonder how many more summers I will get. This pain intensifies during the upcoming holiday time.

I will be able to go to the store tomorrow. I will restore my missing five pounds.

I don't like having a belly but I don't like starving either.