I hate shaving. There's nothing like dragging a sharpened piece (or in the case of my Schick Hydro 3, 3 pieces) of metal across your face.
Why, if I have Low T, do I grow androgenic hair still? I have spent money on razors, particularly the $65 Norelco Bodygroom electric razor I use to shave my other parts. I can't get it all. It is unpleasant to shave armpits and a pain in the tail to shave legs.
I just shave what feels better. Looks better in some places.
It is not time to shave my other parts, body hair grows more slowly than the scourge of facial hair.
Maybe it is not 'manly' to shave and hate body hair. I am MALE, not a 'man'.
I wish I really was a ghost, they don't have these body image and comfort issues.
Here is the picture if you like that sort of thing.
What about Russia?
When I was a kid, I had this intense fear of a nuclear war. I was a child in the 80s and from this, I became unable to sleep without the radio on. This continues to this day. A power outage this morning caused me an ill time to sleep because the radio was off.
Then the great Red Scare, the USSR, collapsed. I was 15 when it did and good, or was it? At least, you knew then who didn't like you.
Has this changed? Why would Putin behave like this if he did not harbor some delusion that the world should not have changed from the Soviet system.
I may not like unregulated capitalism but perverting communism into a tyranny ruins what should be a good idea.
Russia now seems unstable, things like Ossetia apparently misbehaving and the situation in the Ukraine.
This situation seems stupid. It has been a long time now since the USSR collapsed on tv. Why wait until now to air this grievance about ethnic Russians? I am ethnically Western European but I am all Texan and American. I don't really care to go to the homeland of my DNA, it costs money and it would involve a plane ride. Forget that.
I don't know what the deal is. When I was a kid, the Russians were the bad guy. Then the world changed and one doesn't know who the bad guy is. Terrorists? They are bad guys yes but terrorism is a crime. Different beliefs are not a crime.
I hope this situation calms down. This year is the 100 year anniversary of the start of World War I. A similar situation could happen again if things get out of control.
If the two World Wars taught you nothing, they should teach you the price of letting things get out of control.
Do you have an addiction? To what? I hope it isn't drugs or alcohol, both poisons. What of chocolate? Does it make you gain weight? Or the pervasive addiction to caffeine?
I do not have addictions like this. I am addicted to sugar, have a powerful sweet tooth. It isn't good but I can't live without it.
I am addicted to porn. This happened largely because of my ex-gf who was as cold as a spring day on Eris.
I am not addicted to anything else. I see intoxicants as just that, toxic, poison. I don't even like taking medicine but will if I have to.
I knew people who were addicted to methamphetamines. What an awful thing to be addicted to. It destroyed them and rightly so. That poison is wholly avoidable.
I am not addicted to anything bad, I guess. I do think I could be sick because of the porn thing but that is mental sickness and I am mentally sick as it is.
I am not going to make it worse with poisons.
As I get older, I am a few years away from 40, I have tended to get more sensitive to extremes in temperature. You know from this blog I can't take cold at all.
But what of warm? Understand: Every summer of my life, and the 38th one is imminent, has been HOT. I mean 105F, 40C with 90% humidity.
That is typical August here.
It is 86 outside as I write this. Hot weather never used to bother me. I would be out in it and eh, it is the way things are.
But in the last few years, I have gotten to where I can't deal with it much at all. How did this happen? I may be of Celtic ancestry but I am all Texan. Texans should be immune to the heat.
It gets so warm in here.
I have been going to sleep earlier. This is more about being bored and I get sleepy when bored.
It isn't even May yet and yet I am complaining about the heat. Right.
The Heat hasn't even begun yet.
I did this to amuse you. But also, I mentioned a few months ago that I have Low T and am at risk for gynecomastia, or so said the doctor who did these tests.
That was last November. Here it is springtime already of the next year and things really haven't changed. I mean, do I want male boobs? NO. None of this stupid risks. You see commercials on tv where testosterone supplements can kill your ass. Cardiovascular disease is prevalent in my family. Why provoke it?
I don't think my body will be feminized. I mean, why do I have to shave my chest and abdomen? Yes, pubic as well but I can't post that Shave Check image.
I shave these parts because I hate being a hairy beast. I hate my ghostly white skin being marred by this stupid terminal hair that has no function at all.
Shaving it off is not only asthetic, it allows skin to dry faster after a shower. It feels nice, like a shirt in direct contact with skin.
I didn't really grow this kind of terminal hair until my late 20's. I wish I never did.
So here is my chest check image. I did shave my face but this is a different part of me rarely seen.
Do you only like pictures in my blog? Most hits I get are those for posts with pictures in them.
What is the deal? Are you not interested in me and my daily pain? It manifests powerfully today.
Why did you come here? For the pictures? What kind of person are you? Can you not see the denigration of a male human being as he slowly falls apart?
I am stricken with a chronic condition in my pelvic area. It greatly affects my life so I have no choice but to write about it.
The specter of my anxiety disorder is what rules my life. It is all encompassing and total. My soul is in a cage.
I don't like posting pictures really. Who is looking at them? Why? Do you think I am cute? Do you like astronomy and the weather? Occasionally females of interest?
I don't know and the more time goes by, I really wonder what this is for.
Do you like hurting my feelings? Especially this person with the I-Phone. Who are you? What makes you look at my blog on that device? I know what the mobile site looks like, it isn't all that great.
I don't know. This post probably won't get as looked at like one with pictures. Only proves you really don't give a damn about me. No one does.
Short of posting a picture of male anatomy and marking it in places where I hurt, I don't know how to describe it. I cannot draw to save my life so it would not look right.
Okay. You know what a guy's parts look like. This pain isn't about that. My peena does NOT hurt. Well, exposing it to really hot water, something that has always excited me, can lead to that.
This pain is clustered around the base of the peena deep inside the body. This is deep within the pelvic cavity and not something you can see short of radiology.
There is the bladder, and my bladder seems to fill and I cannot feel it when sitting here. I only feel it when I get up to go do something or take a break from the computer.
When I pee, it is like taking a water hose and squeezing it so that flow is diminished. This happens to my pee stream. What is causing this?
The prostate gland surrounds the urethra at the very base of the bladder. It is also next to the descending colon, which makes going #2 very painful for me. Matter displacing space in the colon makes it expand, which is normal, but this expansion presses on my prostate and fuck, does that hurt. Feels like a knife in there.
There is an ever-present raw stinging pain along the upper part of my urethra. It does spread down to the outer part of my peena, but only because it is all connected. This doesn't inhibit erection but it makes it uncomfortable.
Is this a urinary tract infection? I do not have a fever or feel sick. I have recurrent prostatitis, which has no known cause, though in my case, body stress can cause it.
It really hurts. It hurts to pee. It hurts just sitting here. It hurts when I am naked so wearing briefs has nothing to do with it.
I don't know how else to describe it. I will eventually have to use my medicare and go to the doctor. This can kill me if left untreated.
If it doesn't bother you, I will post pictures of the parts of me I hate the most. Even more than my awful teeth and myopic eyes. Male nudity shouldn't be a shame.
It is that time again. I have to do it every so often. I am not me with facial hair. My self-image. It's like going without my glasses. I have worn glasses since I was 12, so it has become part of my self-image. I look funny without them, well, to me and others I know.
I don't know if the readers of this blog like my shave pictures. Would you like the shave check pictures of my chest, belly, private area? Didn't think so. These pictures are mainly for my own reference if I missed anything. I share the face ones to make a record of how aging (or entropy) is changing me.
Maybe you like it, I hope so.
Understand that most of the people I know are near my age (late 30s). This certainly is not welcome but the arrow of time marches on, unconcerned by human affairs.
Is aging entropy? I mean, you do break down. Bones weaken, joints swell, organs begin to malfunction. We are not meant to be static throughout how many years we get, it's never certain of how long we get.
I have written tons about my damaged prostate gland. It still works but it hurts ALL the time. Aging in a male means BPH. When it happens to me, with the underlying problems I have had for nearly 8 years now, I do not know what will happen. I am consigned to hurt there in the center of my pelvic area for the rest of my life.
I mention it here because this pain makes it extremely hard to have sex. This pain will kill excitement like throwing a switch.
That happened to me in the last experience I had. In the moment, stop. I was so embarrassed. How do you explain that it hurts too much to continue?
It could have been the female I was with, kinda repulsive. Felt so uncomfortable after. Ashamed. Ashamed because is it fornication? Is that the only way I can have a sexual experience? I won't commit adultery. Some things are just wrong.
Why is sex important? Aside from the at-the-moment benefits, it can lead to the generation of a new life.
Okay, let me say that I have never finished in sex. Anxiety will cause a causal loop and give me too much stamina.
But I can easy with the m-thing. So what is it?
I am on SS. I get so much a month, I am on a fixed income. The government recognizes that this anxiety disorder is a specter that ruins any chance for a 'normal' life.
I am 38, I have never had any kids. My sister did, I mean, her son is 18 now. Why didn't I?
I have been inside for most of my life. I write, I listen to music. I don't go outside like I used to.
Oh, sunlight, like a blazing sea, just everywhere. It feels so uncomfortable to me.
I do want to make new friends. I do want a new girlfriend actually from Texas. It can't be that hard to find one.
But as long as I have anxiety disorder, it's never going to happen.
What prompted this?
Well, on facebook, my friends just flood the news feed with pictures of their kids. I know it is pride and showing off but it is extremely harmful to people like me who can't for whatever reason.
If I was to have a kid in the next two years, which cannot be ruled out because I intend to try to go out this summer, I wouldn't post pictures of them. Why? I would have pictures, tons of them, I like taking pictures. I just think others don't need to see every little thing.
Their pictures are harmful. Ruffle my anxiety feathers. It is unintentional cruelty.
I shaved my other parts so I decided to shave my face. It needed it anyway.
I used a disposable Schick Sensitive razor and had a much better shave. No harsh cutting or blades that bite.
I don't know if I look better. You be the judge.
I said I'd take a picture of them the next sunny day. Here it is, a sunny day. I don't feel sunny but it is always nice to see my favorite color in nature.
I had to take a zoom image because the highway was too busy to cross on foot. Cars and trucks zooming by at 70 mph... yeah. I have no desire to get hit by a car.
If the bluebonnets persist until next weekend, I will take a closeup picture of them, as the highway is not as busy.
I hope you like this.
Lately, it seems, I have written about the hurts I have, mentally and physically. I have a bad toothache but let's not talk about that.
I don't feel that bad all the time. I mostly distract myself with other things like games or writing. I don't want to be conscious of my pain.
Can't tune it out completely but it's all right.
I really can't talk about much else. I don't go outside. I could go out and take a picture of the pretty bluebonnets but that involves crossing a very busy highway on foot.
It hasn't been sunny lately to take a good picture of them.
I don't know if you would like a picture of flowers but bluebonnets are the state flower of Tx. It is a feeling of pride to see them but a non-Texan probably wouldn't understand that.
I don't really know who reads my blog so I cannot say.
And this person looking at it on an I-phone, what would a picture look like on that thing?
I will post a picture of the bluebonnets the next sunny day we have.
I normally wouldn't write about such a thing but my chronic prostatitis has been hurting me for a few days now. It feels like a star radiating pain from a central part within my pelvic area and spreading out from the prostate to those things which it is connected.
This is why my peena hurts. It is a burning pain deep inside, as a good proportion of the peena is inside the body. This what makes peeing so painful. Searing burning. Like someone took a steel wool pad and scoured the inside of the urethra.
If this is TMI, I apologize but this is affecting my daily life in a harsh way. It hurts so bad.
I do not know if my medicare will help me if I go to the doctor about this. I don't want another DRE. I don't want a doctor touching my peena to check for lumps or any other things it does not have.
If I have to have another ultrasound or CT scan, I cannot afford that on medicare.
This pain all but retracts my peena to its smallest state. It hurts so bad.
I am not shy like that. This has nothing to do with sexuality as I am NOT feeling it now. Oh, does it hurt so.
How long can it go untreated until something bad happens? I will go to the doctor if there is blood in my pee or the pain becomes unbearable. It is close to that right now.
I shaved a little bit earlier than I usually do because I have to go to the store on my one night a month excursion away from home.
This fucking Schick Hydro 3-bladed razor. I have used it for almost a year now, not the same blades for all that time, of course. I don't know why but it just cuts into my skin with the slightest touch. I will be getting a new razor when I go to the store.
It slipped in my hand as I was distracted by a report of a shooting at the military base less than 10 miles from my house.
It cut into my throat and fuck, does that hurt. Add to this an extreme pain in my pelvic area that seems to be reacting to constipation and doing the m-thing recently. The urologist said it was supposed to help but it made it worse. What am I going to do? Peeing is agony at the moment.
I am hurting and angry that the razor cut me. This picture doesn't really flatter me but I will look better later.
Suppose for a moment that you were younger or older than me. I am 38. I was born in the middle of the 1970s and my childhood was a better time than the bs stupidity and frank misery the world has been since September 11th.
I don't like being 38. I am starting to show signs of age. It isn't so easy to sleep. I do not know why but it seems to be a decay of my body. This has nothing to do with my age. I mean, there are other 38 year olds in much better shape than me.
They have families, kids, jobs, etc... I have none of these.
I have been pretty much of a shut-in for the last 4 years, ever since leaving walmart. I do go to the store but that's a necessity. I usually don't go alone.
Always at night because in the daytime, I cannot go outside and not have a panic attack.
How do other 38-year-olds compare to me? I am cuter, I don't get much sunlight exposure. I never drastically hurt myself like getting a broken bone. I have never needed a hospital stay. I always have thought that when I do, it is going to be very bad.
My hair is getting thinner. I do not think it will go away completely. Though baldness is common in males in the maternal side of my family, I have had my hair longer than they did when they were my age.
I get it cut short so that may seem like it is thin. I was told by an old man when I was a little boy that boys should never have long hair. I have always believed that and I never will have long hair.
I think that most of my life has been wasted because of my agoraphobia. I can't go out and do stuff, meet a new girlfriend, hell, I can't even go to Sonic, had a bad panic attack the last time I was there and I used to go there all the time.
I had a breathless panic attack when ordering tea at a familiar chicken place last summer. I could not talk. It was so embarrassing. When I paid for it, my hands were shaking so bad, also embarrassing.
My hands shake when I feel panic. It happens when I drive, go to the store. Worse when I go to the doctor and go to a certain city.
I can write about this because I think about it all the time. I am not like other 38-year-olds.
If you are the same age as me, please comment and say hi. I have never had a friend the same age as me, they are mostly older than me.
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