Injured Left Arm

I had to work on the pipe again today. I had to buy a saw to cut and added 2 couplings. That pvc glue, I hate it.

I badly hurt my left arm doing this. Reaching through a tangle of pipes to reach the relevant one (hot water delivery) I badly scratched my left arm.

 

In addition, I hurt my left hand with a saw yesterday, then abrasion developed on the thumb knuckle. Add to this, when cutting open a package of meat to defrost for dinner, the scissors slipped and all but stabbed my left index finger. There was a lot of blood but I have cleaned my hands since then and washed it away.

I hate doing things like this and likely developed new scars. I don't know if I'll have to do this again but it is really upsetting me. Badly.

Anger and Pain

My workweek begins on thursdays. It is always a suck day as the toad that is my manager is a asshole to the extreme. Today was no exception, telling me to move grills that weigh a considerable fraction of my body weight, then some that equal my 153 pounds and muchly surpass it.

Then the mf talk t me like I'm a dog because I'm slow. I think I injured myangy prstae because at lunchtime, when I sat down, it erupted into a severe pain. I thought that I had to pee badly so I went, and no, I did not. Prostatic fluid and my pee came out, feeling like a wire brush sraping the inside of my peeny.

I could barely pee. It was like water dripping fom a kinked hose, like the cheap ones we sell.

I went and asked the store manager if I could go and he let me.

I went looking for more comfortable clothes to wear but I aint paying $20 for a pair of shorts.

I have hurt badly ever since. My prostate gland feels like a stabbing pain above my testicles, and behind the scrotal area.

I am about to go to sleep. It is always worse in the morning.

Dr L, if you read this, please help me make them understand I cannot do certain things.

I am filing a formal complaint against my manager. Time's right to show my articulated and strong spine. I must stand up for myself.

Arthelius says: "It is those in complacency that are hit the hardest when change happens."

Well said, brother.

Errr.... Same Old...

I returned to the GC today, and darned if it did not change. I can't find anything and have additional live plant duties. I don't know fuck all about repotting plants, thank you.


It'll calm down. It always does on the weekend.

I oughta mention that Dr. L prescribed me cardura, which is making me feel like a zombie hit by a train. I notice that my pelvic pain is lessened although the m-thing I did about an hour ago may undo that. It seems that when my prostate is actually used, it hurts more.

I have a vacation coming up in a few weeks. a blessed time to be sure.

I feel that increased understanding is helping my relationship with my gf. Of course, I love her. My dear one, Jen.

Trouble

2 entries tonight. This, the first one, is the bad one.

I am in trouble for missing too many days at work. This so called decsion day about my employment is on sunday. I hope that my manager accepts the stupid reason I have for calling in, my troublesome prostate.

I hate wm even more now. I will say no more on this matter but I worry.

Not Good

I hear rumors and hearsay at work about management watching associates on the security cameras and busting them. One of them was apparently my girlfriend.

Those sorry bastards. They have been nothing but cruel to her. She is the essence of sweetness and I cannot understand why anyone would treat her like that. I cannot contact her, likely because she is very upset and does not want to talk. I understand that completely. She'll calm down. Jen isn't the type to let them beat her down.

Oh, about the CT scan? It was the worst single thing I have been through in recent memory. The contrast fluid was nasty, then the first time I had an IV, it was an experience I did not mind. It did not hurt like I thought it would. What was injected was different as it gave me a wet feeling in my lower parts and seemed to provoke my prostatitis pain as it has been worse than before.

I am extremely worried. I mean, I saw the CT scan and it might reveal more than just prostate problems. I'm sure Dr. E will allay such worry.

I am worried about my dear one. If she loses her job, it may have a profound effect on her like that time I was terminated from HEB. I couldn't believe it. I still don't nine years after the fact.

I will take Jen out for a special date. She deserves love and attention. If she doesn't work at wm anymore, then maybe we will have more time together and bring our relationship closer to what it should be. She has been my girlfriend for more than a year you know.

wm has taken my faith in the future. It has caused stress that developed my Anxiety Disorder into an unmanageable crushing weight. I think my prostatitis was caused by stress. Stress every day. I need to leave and they won't let me.

I just don't know how I can go on. Jen needs me and I will be there for her. That is all that I need to help me have faith. I love my girlfriend.

Sleepy but Not...

Last night, my weather radio blared with its alarm twice overnight, waking me up to say there was a tornado in Bell County. I live 2 counties away from that ancient part of Texas. It doesn't do anything when such a warning is issued for here, in the rural wasteland, which is ever beautiful when I am away from it for so long. That is growing unbearable.

I am SICK AND TIRED of being ignored, talked down to, forgotten, and yelled at. I am 32 years old. I have worked at wm for 2 years. 2 years wasted of my pitiful life.

There was an intense t-storm here tonight. I had to delay going home in the hope that it would blow over. I drove through rain and water like you wouldn't believe. I bought some things I needed and gosh, if it didnt take a lot of my money.

I reiterate my wish to just crawl into my shell and forget all but my dear one. Jen, my sweet angel. Just seeing her today really helped me avoid a breakdown in anxiety that happened in the confusion of that cesspit, which is under construction in the GC.

I thought my job in Grocery was a waste of time. I was wrong. The GC is a HUGE waste of time. wm could save money by sending me home. The greed keeps them from that.

I do not care if they read this.

I am sleepy but not, probably because of the copoius amounts of Coca-Cola I drank this evening. I love that stuff. I'm signing off for the night, now. I need to rest.

See ya'll later.

Painful Week

Naw, I don't care about Cinco de Mayo. I am a Texan and that has no meaning to me. (March 2nd anyone?) I hate/cannot eat Mexican food. My irascible stomach, abused by antibiotics and SSRI's can't take it. Never mind that they don't understand that. I hate peppers, and I always have. I hate the smell of them. But that was yesterday.

My time in the garden center has been one of confusion and pain, as I have gotten a severe sunburn on many parts of my head and neck. My cute face was spared by a frugal use of Cetaphil face lotion. I will use more in the future.

I just can't stand working there anymore.

The most ay ya moment came around 245 pm today when the urology doctor did another DRE on me. Gosh, I just don't understand how something so painful can be pleasurable to porn stars who do anal.

I must have a sonogram made of the troublesome left testicle also. That has yet to come but it may provoke an embarrassing reaction. I am not looking forward to that.

Even now my anal area hurts. TMI, I know but you can't understand until a doctor does that to you.

I do value this care, even if it is painful and I have to pay $$$ for it. It is sad that the urologist knows more about me than what passes for my normal doctor.

Ha ha, I have run out of the Celexa-clone. The neurological effects of not taking it should appear within a day the longer I do without it. It seems that my local wm pharmacy has run out of it. Great.

I shoulda went to Walgreen's.

Why all this bother about a genital system that doesn't get used for its intended purpose? Every day, I question my relationship with Jen. Religion is NO reason to keep one's virginity at 27. So what if she reads this?

I KNOW she has a sexual attraction to me. She just hides it unless I provoke her, which has been a few times. You just don't know, Jen, how that hurts me.

Not Good

I hate to say I didn't like it. I want to give it a chance but my experience today showed me, it was a mistake.

No 1. I dont know what the hell is going on and like people don't know either.

No. 2. I am dealing with plants I may be allergic to. I am picking up paving stones, tearing up hands that have enough problems on their own.

No. 3, I miss my friends already. They are why I stayed there.

I will talk to the she-demon about this but she will likely say to me, stow it. Like she cares.

I will leave that cesspit now. I have decided, it is in mental, emotional, and finacial interests that I should move to a wm closer to home.

Also, I am convinced that I am becoming more mentally ill. I need to see a psychologist or counselor.

Hopefully I can find a better way to deal with this ever deepening gulf of depression-anxiety than just the Celexa-clone. If not, I'd rather be committed as mentally ill.

Anxious

You know, I have a concern about my left testicle. Could be a normal thing. The ER doc seemed to think it was something but that was now a month ago. It is apparent when I wear briefs because it bulges out from the side of the normal bulge made by my peeny. That roils my anxiety somewhat. I have trouble peeing sometimes. That could be because I am pee shy. I go to the doc on 6th May so I will ask him. That will be another anxiety twisting moment. I don't like being naked in the prescence of another male. I don't care what the reason. I just don't like being that close to another male. That of course, may be entirely natural. I don't feel that way around any female.

Oh, and what is twisting the anxiety now? Tomorrow, I go to the Garden Center. I must use sunscreen. I will use Aveeno products if possible. They seem to work best for me. It might be hard work, but I don't mind that. I no longer work for the demon c*nt but some managers over there are creepy and unfriendly. I don't mind that either, as long as they stay off my case. I don't ever mind working for a male manager. He isn't so fiercely determined to prove himself.

Female managers who are sacrifice their feminine charm. They become salacious harlots who don't care about anyone. A female manager who is comfortable with herself is a good manager. That's true of anyone.

I will write a post tomorrow evening to tell ya'll how it went.

I am still a Safety Team member. I am a good associate. It goes unrecognized in a wm where no one succeeds by their own hard work.

No more about work.

I am more liable to write about the m-thing than that. Pray I don't.

LOL! :)