T-Mobile Sucks

Get this. Last month, I tried to get more data. My last plan I had for several years was inadequate.

So, I asked for a new plan. So you understand, the only thing I have had on T-Mobile is a data plan. A hotspot. I've had one crappy ZTE one that came apart. I had then an Alcatel link zone that works fine but is obsolete now. I presently have a better Franklin T9 hotspot that is fine. I've had it only two months. 

A moronic T-Mobile employee caused this trouble by switching my plan to a phone plan. 

I've had an AT&T phone for 20 years. I wouldn't have a T-Mobile phone if it was given to me. I didn't ask for or wanted a phone plan. I have only ever had a data plan.

The result: I've been offline since January 5th. I thought it's February now but it didn't come on. I asked why. They said it was their system where any change cannot be done until the next business cycle in March. 

So I have no internet for two fucking months. Am I upset? Wouldn't you be? I've been online since I had a WebTV. For over 20 years now. So you understand I'm stressed and it's stupifying. 

I'll be okay. I have other things to do. But if you are considering going to T-Mobile, please don't. You'll be screwed for sure. 

Avoid it like the plague

Raw Animal Anger

There has been a fiasco in my budget that will ruin what usually is my favorite month (August). Okay, it isn't the end of the world, I can deal. Just won't have a few things. There will still be fried chicken and MeUndies and new headphones as mine are showing their age. 

I try not to feel angry. Angry is harmful. I just let it go but something inane caused it to spring forth like a busted dam. 

I watch NASCAR. Have since I was a kid. This minor league Xfinity Race is sometimes entertaining. However, it had an unfavorable result and gosh, I got so angry, still am, raw animal anger. 

When I get angry, it feeds into my panic disorder. It is amplified, I am so furious, I get energy I normally don't have and can't concentrate. Kinda like 'berserk' in Final Fantasy games, that kind of angry. 

It hurts my head and stomach. It causes some effects of a panic attack without the heart beating like a bass drum and feeling of fear. 

Causes panic sweat. Causes tension. Causes just plain fury. 

Also angry about weighing 173 pounds naked. What the fuck? That is like 15 over what I should weigh. I can;t exactly change my diet because I have no money. Got to get it at the first of the month and here it is in the hind end of July. 

This uncertainty about Windows 10 has been troubling me. About to find out what it's all about when I update my laptop. If it is okay, I will update this W7 machine. 

My laptop was always afflicted with Windows 8, any change is welcome. 

This anger makes my chest hurt. What is that about? Has panic disorder harmed my heart? I have worried about that for a long time. 

Stupid, just stupid. 

I will chill over time.  

So Angry

I don't use the phrase 'pissed-off' ever but I am using it now because I am.

I have mentioned on several occasions in the past that I cannot sleep without my radio. It is something I have done since I was child, it will be something I will do until I am gone.

What happened? The local electric power cooperative shut off the power some time between 7 am and it came back on just before 12 pm. The stated reason was to perform upgrades to their power system. Maybe it won't be so threadbare.

I have said we haven't had a bad thunderstorm go through here in some time. We have had big wind and small hail but not la tormenta, the supercell storms.

In one of those types of storms, the power usually always goes out. Sitting in the dark, scared enough that you would pee in your pants. Storms like that stroke my anxiety with a wire bbq grill cleaning brush.

I did not get much sleep, like 2 hours. I woke up because my radio was off. I feel like hell. I didn't want to shave but I did because I need to flip to the 'white-gray' part of my color pattern which is suffering mightily because I can't get a ride to the Laundromat to wash my dirty clothes.

Feelings will moderate and I will chill. Being angry causes stress which damaged my prostate gland. I was angry at wm a lot when I worked there.

I am sorry if my shave check picture reflects this. I am still angry.

Scourge

I have mentioned the ant problem here before. Since this fucking summer refuses to end with its 90+ degree days, they persist.

I wonder what the cumulative effect of these ant bites are having on me. They are in my clothes basket, they are on the floor, I was bitten on the peena after my shower a while ago.

I don't know what to do. They were on my bed as I slept yesterday. Lucky I wear socks and sweatpants.

I am posting a picture of my most affected left thigh, near the knee. It has the most bites in a particular area though I have bites on my right leg, two on my right foot, one on my left middle toe, I have three or four on my left arm and two on my right hand.

This is my leg. Forgive the paleness, I am a white guy, you know.

I know this will leave my pale hide scarred. I hate it so. It itches and burns and seems to have no relief.

I am most often bitten after my shower, getting the animals' food, changing clothes, and going barefooted, which I never do usually.

It is a scourge.

Awaiting True Cold

I have written much about how cold weather is unpleasant and hurts. However, this year, we are waiting for it because of a scourge.

No one knows why the ants are so bad here. They are everywhere. I must have been bitten six times today, red spots on my pasty skin.

This not only itches and hurts, it blemishes my skin. Can't poison them, the cats and such, you know.

I don't know. It makes me so upset. Years here and now this starts happening? I was bitten on the left foot as I took a shower.

Not wearing my glasses in the shower, of course, I cannot see my feet, they are five feet from my eyes.

I hate this. This was supposed to be a good summer but now that it is over, nothing got done. Fucking anxiety disorder, keeps me from doing anything.

My cousin is on my case because I won't go get help. For a while, we didn't have a vehicle here. Then it is the food situation. Someone dear in the hospital just screwed everything up severely.

I don't know how I deal. I avoid if I can.

It will be harsh, the cold, yes, but it will do away with these fucking ants.

Name a place on me and I have been bitten there over this whole summer.

What does this do to our health? I have no idea. Other than upsetting us.

My desk thermometer says 90 right now. Outside it's 75 with extreme humidity.

It is not 90 degrees in here, I think because it is in a sheltered area, it is not as reactive as it should be.

I remember when it said 47. I can't believe I am looking forward to that again.

Ants

Let me talk about this scourge called ants. These small black ones whose bite stings and itches. Somehow they have gotten in here and were on my bed.

I washed the sheets and pillowcases to kill them. I do not understand what they were trying to find there. I never sleep naked and wear sweatpants and socks always. A shirt, of course, as well. I told you that was for a reason.

These little beasts, I mean, I have been bit on my shoulder, my feet, my scrotum, my back and my legs over the past few months.

But in killing insects, is it not wrong like you would kill a dog or another person? Everything has a right to be, does it not?

I wish I did not think of guilt over killing insects despite having done so many, many times.

Maybe winter will come early and kill these insects as they are cold-blooded. But that is not likely as August is the hottest time of the year in my area. A heat advisory today, at that.

Upset

I deactivated my facebook account. I am sick of how people treat me. I get so angry and angry hurts so I do away with or avoid like I do with anxiety.

I don't know why people can be so hurtful. Indifferent, small minded, apathetic, downright stupid.

I don't know when I will be back on fb. You can keep up with me here. I am just upset.

I can see people from Tx are reading this. Won't you please comment and say something?

Hurt Myself

I shaved a little bit earlier than I usually do because I have to go to the store on my one night a month excursion away from home.

This fucking Schick Hydro 3-bladed razor. I have used it for almost a year now, not the same blades for all that time, of course. I don't know why but it just cuts into my skin with the slightest touch. I will be getting a new razor when I go to the store.

It slipped in my hand as I was distracted by a report of a shooting at the military base less than 10 miles from my house.

It cut into my throat and fuck, does that hurt. Add to this an extreme pain in my pelvic area that seems to be reacting to constipation and doing the m-thing recently. The urologist said it was supposed to help but it made it worse. What am I going to do? Peeing is agony at the moment.

I am hurting and angry that the razor cut me. This picture doesn't really flatter me but I will look better later.

What I Hate

I hate these tiles. It is what I hate most about Windows 8. It takes at least 4 clicks on the touchpad to find anything.

I have stopped using my new laptop because of Windows 8.1. It was supposed to be 'better' but that new 'start' button just pisses me off. Clicking on it brings you back to this accursed tile screen.

I am on my normal computer with Windows 7, which is not the alien children's blocks that windows 8 is.

Why do I have 2 computers? I thought by getting a laptop, I could travel and keep writing. But I can't travel. I just sit here so what is the fucking point?

I am just upset that this life... it is just like it should have never happened.

No Med

I have taken Celexa for a long time. I know its side effects well. But this time, they were worse than ever. I do not know if it is the medicine or the formulation or because my brain is a few years older and more mushier.

How does it effect me? It erodes my impulse control, enabling me to waste my money. This is a huge one I must stop.

It disables the reflex that allows male orgasm. Ever try to masturbate and nothing works? Sex is all but impossible with it.

It also makes me sleepy all the time. I have a hard enough time with Low T and all that.

I especially hate that it all but destroys the ability to concentrate. I had a really hard time writing stories with it.

So, I stopped taking it again. It does help blunt the hair trigger reflex that ruffles my anxiety feathers. So I will have that again but avoidance is stronger than ever.

I should not be writing any more whiny posts, I think it caused that too but understand, I DO NOT like cold weather.

Bothered

I am upset with the people who read this blog. I restricted it for a few days and let them not see.

No requests to read my blog have come in. I don't know what you people in foreign countries want from me.

What are you looking for here? Why pay attention to my blog, when in the first few years of it, no one came here to see what I wrote.

No one leaves a comment. You people could give less of a care about me or my opinions.

I express my pain sometimes, so what? It is MY blog.

I will unblock it soon, and see who reads this. I may forever block it if no one leaves a comment given as many people who reads my blog, from Russia, the UK, China or wherever else you are.

Yes, it bothers me, a lot, actually.

Hate

I don't hate anyone. I don't have contact with many people on a daily level, being agoraphobic.

I have enmity, for Jen, but that was because she hurt me. I don't hate her.

I have a strong dislike to some others.

But who reads my blog? From foreign countries? Would it kill you to leave a comment? You can do so anonymously.

I am growing to strongly dislike this whole thing. Life. None of it matters. I fight a daily battle not to go outside, strip to my underwear and hang myself from a tree.

Goodness knows I have thought of it often.

Added Worry

You may or may not know. I am on SS for my Anxiety Disorder. I mean, this condition is sometimes suicidal. I contemplate sometimes, which distresses me.

Now with the US Government shut down, will SS come in November? If the Govt defaults, will this be the end of my livelihood?

I worry more as the bastards bicker over ideology while the country burns. Didn't they learn from history? We are going the way of Ancient Rome.

I sincerely hope someone settles this, grows a spine, channels past politicians, whatever, get them to see sense and fix this problem.

As I said, I am feeling anxiety-distress. This will get worse if my livelihood is threatened.