Ugly?

I have often wondered why no girls seem interested in me. I don't mean if we didn't have daily contact like at work (how I met Jen and Malee). I mean going somewhere, like to the store. I feel smaller than I am, inconsequential. This is my anxiety disorder distorting my self-image.

I am 64.7 inches tall. I weigh about 156 lbs. Yes, I could slim down a bit but I am almost 40 so what's the point?

I feel ugly. I don't like attention. I feel uncomfortable when someone looks at me. It makes it uncomfortable to talk to people.

Girls, their attention is the worst. I find myself avoiding them if possible. This is contrary to what I want. How can I meet a new girlfriend if this happens?

I find a strong attraction to a girl's eyes. Her face. I don't like every girl like that but there are some that are beautiful. Every girl has a beauty about her, make no mistake, it isn't always physical.

I feel ugly, just small and hideous like a gnome. I don't have warty green skin. I am pale and built like a human male. I used to believe I would change that one day but I saw my pelvis on a CT scan and nope, can't change that and be what I am not.

I would like my parts removed but it will likely never happen. Too much trouble and why get cut on if you can avoid it?

I am posting a picture of me to show maybe I am ugly. I certainly feel that way.

Feeling Ugly

It's shave time again...

I don't pay that much attention when near a mirror. I mean, I know what I look like. I have an issue with pores on my nose but blasting it with proactiv all but stabilized it by stripping all the moisture out of it. I cut back, my nose itches too much when that happens.

I never thought about my nose. It was just there. It is kind of an ugly feature common to all humans. I am male and have a male face. Though I have been mistaken for a girl on several occasions. WTF?

I am posting this picture with a question. What do you think of my face? Do you like it? Am I still 'cute' like the girls said when I was younger?

Oh, just feeling anxiety because of this perception that I am ugly. I know I am not but it feels that way.

Different Shave

I did this to amuse you. But also, I mentioned a few months ago that I have Low T and am at risk for gynecomastia, or so said the doctor who did these tests.

That was last November. Here it is springtime already of the next year and things really haven't changed. I mean, do I want male boobs? NO. None of this stupid risks. You see commercials on tv where testosterone supplements can kill your ass. Cardiovascular disease is prevalent in my family. Why provoke it?

I don't think my body will be feminized. I mean, why do I have to shave my chest and abdomen? Yes, pubic as well but I can't post that Shave Check image.

I shave these parts because I hate being a hairy beast. I hate my ghostly white skin being marred by this stupid terminal hair that has no function at all.

Shaving it off is not only asthetic, it allows skin to dry faster after a shower. It feels nice, like a shirt in direct contact with skin.

I didn't really grow this kind of terminal hair until my late 20's. I wish I never did.

So here is my chest check image. I did shave my face but this is a different part of me rarely seen.

Shave Image (Again)

It is that time again. I have to do it every so often. I am not me with facial hair. My self-image. It's like going without my glasses. I have worn glasses since I was 12, so it has become part of my self-image. I look funny without them, well, to me and others I know.

I don't know if the readers of this blog like my shave pictures. Would you like the shave check pictures of my chest, belly, private area? Didn't think so. These pictures are mainly for my own reference if I missed anything. I share the face ones to make a record of how aging (or entropy) is changing me.

Maybe you like it, I hope so.

Shave Today

I don't feel so good. It seems that the local water company is over-chlorinating the tap water. I have had what I call dia-icky (because I have a hard time spelling the real word) and then painful constipation as I am not drinking as much water as I should.

I didn't want to shave. However, my laundry cycle depends on it and I have to shave again before I get my hair cut on March 3rd or 4th, depends on how I feel. I want to be cute.

I get into ruminating story ideas when I take a shower and may have forgotten to wash my face in last night's shower. I don't feel so cute. Aging is apparent in my face.

I don't know if anxiety is causing aging. I am one of those people who don't look my age.

Oh, about my glasses. Someone smooshed them and bent the frames, I am trying to (very carefully) fix it. So if they look out of position, they really aren't. I see fine through them. If they were out of position, the diffractive index would be off and cause distortion. That isn't happening.

Enough babble, here's the picture. Tell me if you will, what do you think?