Unlike Me

I have always worn pants. My legs are pasty white and somewhat hairy. Male legs. I have defined calves and strong thigh muscles. I like to run and am used to standing on my tiptoes because I am not a big guy. 

However, my male pain is getting worse and also, it gets so hot in here in the daytime. Not because it is hot outside, because of the Sun's heat. 

I am not particularly shy about my body. Other than my belly but that isn't so bad. 

I wear better underwear. Right now Terramar, but most often, MeUndies or C-IN2. I like my male parts secure, not loose. My testicles hurt if they are touched or squished like holding the legs together or in jeans. 

I wear Lee jeans only when I go somewhere. I wear sweat pants all other times but not this season. I will stick in a shirt and my underwear. I only wear briefs. Always have and always will. 

I had C-IN2 Core briefs on yesterday. I was asleep but awoke because I had to pee. I was excited and that hurts when my male parts are secured. 

This isn't sexual stimulation but a normal male process when he is sleeping. If you have a male companion, you can check to see if it happens to him. He isn't healthy if it doesn't. 

Sexual stimulation is a problem right now. The Zoloft I take makes it incredibly hard to finish. I get stimulated and cannot relieve it. Makes me super angry. 

I suppose that would be good if I had a girlfriend but I do not. 

I am not going outside unless I have to. That makes it hard to meet a new female friend. That is, if my anxiety feathers aren't ruffled by her attention. 

The Zoloft has helped blunt the panic reflex but seems to have strengthened my avoidance behavior. I was at the lavandiera a few days ago and when I was folding my pants, I felt a deep panic, which I do not understand. No one was around and I was busy. 

I feel mushy-brained because of the side-effects of my medicine. I get confused sometimes and the sex thing. Cannot concentrate. 

It is unlike me not to wear pants but it is getting to where it doesn't matter. So you can see more of me, so what? I am male, I have male parts. 

I wish I wasn't but that is well-established here. 

Shave Check

I was able to shave today as it is 80 outside. Love 80 degree weather.

I shaved in the bathtub because I didn't want to tie up the other bathroom. Takes me 10-15 minutes to shave.

I hate shaving, it is one of the reasons I hate maleness. Yet, I do it because of self-image, comfort and I look less like my dad that way.

I got a haircut on Saturday. I do not know if you will like it. Have a look and see...

Tuesday Again

You ought to know by now that I shave on Tuesdays. I hate shaving, it hurts. I would try electric but it doesn't do such a good job. I was unable to get a new razor.

When I go  to the store for the 1 time of the month, it is at night and the stupid wm associates working get in the way. When I worked at wm, you had to move or else. I guess they weren't told that.

I can't use the Bodygroom in the daytime, privacy issues. I am naked for my body shave, usually right before a shower. So, I will tonight.

I will post my pelvic shave check picture later if you want.

Instead, this is about my poor face. I cut my chin but it will be all right, that fucking razor slipped in my hand. It won't leave a blemish.

I will get a better razor and maybe change how I shave. I don't know, no one told me.

Not This Time

I took a shave check picture like I do after every shave but I did not like it. Looked too disheveled. I am conscious that my hair is messy in some of the pictures, more so in this one but that isn't the focus of the picture.

I could post my pelvic shave check picture if you were interested. I lost the cord to my bodygroom razor's charger. I have a tangle of wires here and it probably is among them. I will need to find it or else. The razor's battery is low.

I don't want to get shaving and it die on me. That happened when I first started using bodygroom razors 5 years ago.

Body hair is easy to shave, pubic, not so much. Have to be careful.

Far and away, the part I hate to shave most is my face. It hurts and maybe it is the wet shave. It was cold and sitting by the heater dries my skin out. Moisture was restored by Aveeno and Dove. I use Dove on my face only but I just got a new Cetaphil bar so I will be using that until it is worn away.

I am sorry if you wanted a picture. I will try to take a better one next week.

Cold, but....

This cold, I hate it. My hands are frozen, it seems. I hold them in front of the heater and dry my skin out. It is Tuesday. That means I shave. I did and was careful. I have a few blemishes but it will heal.

I always look better the next day. I smile because over my life, it has been ingrained to smile when your picture is taken. Even my un-cute DL picture.

I got some shaving cream on my glasses. I think I got it all. I can't see without them.

Before all this, I washed my face with Cetaphil. That helps when skin is dry enough to flake off, a problem I had when I worked at wm.

Cetaphil costs a lot of money so I will conserve it until I can get some more.

I use Dove Sensitive on my face during the winter time. Make fun if you must but unless you are cursed with dry skin, you wouldn't know what helps.

It was cold but I did it. Here is my Shave Check picture.

Ugly?

I have often wondered why no girls seem interested in me. I don't mean if we didn't have daily contact like at work (how I met Jen and Malee). I mean going somewhere, like to the store. I feel smaller than I am, inconsequential. This is my anxiety disorder distorting my self-image.

I am 64.7 inches tall. I weigh about 156 lbs. Yes, I could slim down a bit but I am almost 40 so what's the point?

I feel ugly. I don't like attention. I feel uncomfortable when someone looks at me. It makes it uncomfortable to talk to people.

Girls, their attention is the worst. I find myself avoiding them if possible. This is contrary to what I want. How can I meet a new girlfriend if this happens?

I find a strong attraction to a girl's eyes. Her face. I don't like every girl like that but there are some that are beautiful. Every girl has a beauty about her, make no mistake, it isn't always physical.

I feel ugly, just small and hideous like a gnome. I don't have warty green skin. I am pale and built like a human male. I used to believe I would change that one day but I saw my pelvis on a CT scan and nope, can't change that and be what I am not.

I would like my parts removed but it will likely never happen. Too much trouble and why get cut on if you can avoid it?

I am posting a picture of me to show maybe I am ugly. I certainly feel that way.

Sensitive Question

Do you take pictures of your private parts? I do. Mainly shave check pictures and see how my skin is doing in this summer of skin irritation, bug bites, and the general aging of my parts.

I cannot post such pictures here. Well, I could, but you would get the idea that I am a perv and I am not.

I am not shy about my parts. I mean, they have been kneaded, ultrasounded, CT Scanned, even had a fiber-optic camera in there once. Ever got a shot in the glans of your peena? I did, the anesthetic they used that numbed feeling so they could put a camera there.

It will likely be done again if I can go back. I don't know. Something has to be done, I am having urinary trouble more than ever.

I won't post a picture of my parts unless someone asks. Given the history of this blog, no one will.

Need a New Razor

I am hungry yes, but that doesn't stop the weekly dragging of sharp pieces of metal across my face. I ran out of Aveeno shave cream and had to use an unfamiliar kind. This did not help keep from hurting me like Aveeno does.

I hate shaving, I hate facial hair. I would take estrogen to make it stop but I don't want boobies.

I don't know. My facial hair is mostly gray now. It isn't attractive and I don't like having it or the way it feels.

This isn't about showing my age, it is about feeling.

I shave my other parts with an electric razor meant for that. That's about feeling, too, but also, adds neotenal appeal to me, I believe.

I stopped posting shave check pictures but I will post this one to show me when I am hungry. I will get food tonight, in 6.5 hours. I am going to Jack in the Box, mainly because it is open at that time of night.

Have a look. Do I seem appealing to you?

A Picture of Me

The last shave check picture was in a word.... unflattering. I took this picture at night, after my shower.

I do not know if I am attractive and to whom. No one ever tells me.

I hope someone does.

Changing Appearance?

I don't know but I look and feel different. I don't want to post any more shave pictures but I am sharing this one because I feel that I look different. Maybe you can compare to the other shave pictures posted in the past.

A Better Picture

I am not happy with these pictures because my hair looked awful. So I am trying to flip between non-sulfate shampoo and clarifying shampoo. This has made my hair look better. You decide. This shaving was interrupted rudely so it may not be good.

 

Feeling Ugly

It's shave time again...

I don't pay that much attention when near a mirror. I mean, I know what I look like. I have an issue with pores on my nose but blasting it with proactiv all but stabilized it by stripping all the moisture out of it. I cut back, my nose itches too much when that happens.

I never thought about my nose. It was just there. It is kind of an ugly feature common to all humans. I am male and have a male face. Though I have been mistaken for a girl on several occasions. WTF?

I am posting this picture with a question. What do you think of my face? Do you like it? Am I still 'cute' like the girls said when I was younger?

Oh, just feeling anxiety because of this perception that I am ugly. I know I am not but it feels that way.

Ya

I have been annoyed by facial hair. I am not used to having it, I think it is something that should be relegated to the past. But until then, I use the Schick Hydro 3 and Aveeno to erase it for just a little while.

Like my body continually makes male secretions, it also grows androgenic hair. Curse of being male.

Also, my nose, I have issues with clogged pores there. I scrubbed the heck out of it with Proactiv. That is why I have Proactiv, I have a reasonable complexion elsewhere.

Why does this matter? Do you like looking un-cute? I certainly do not.

I had a tooth crack earlier. This is a bad sign. I MUST go see the dentist. I haven't since my early 20s. I know that is a bad thing.

I am not going to show you my teeth, forget it. I'd soon as show you my male parts or my never seen feet as I wear socks all the time. Well, not when I bathe. I scrub my feet every night. No issues with them, well, except the sensitivity and pain inside.

I am posting this not because you like looking at pictures. I am showing what I look like at the same time as checking to see how I did.

Hate Shaving

I hate shaving. There's nothing like dragging a sharpened piece (or in the case of my Schick Hydro 3, 3 pieces) of metal across your face.

Why, if I have Low T, do I grow androgenic hair still? I have spent money on razors, particularly the $65 Norelco Bodygroom electric razor I use to shave my other parts. I can't get it all. It is unpleasant to shave armpits and a pain in the tail to shave legs.

I just shave what feels better. Looks better in some places.

It is not time to shave my other parts, body hair grows more slowly than the scourge of facial hair.

Maybe it is not 'manly' to shave and hate body hair. I am MALE, not a 'man'.

I wish I really was a ghost, they don't have these body image and comfort issues.

Here is the picture if you like that sort of thing.

Shave Image (Again)

It is that time again. I have to do it every so often. I am not me with facial hair. My self-image. It's like going without my glasses. I have worn glasses since I was 12, so it has become part of my self-image. I look funny without them, well, to me and others I know.

I don't know if the readers of this blog like my shave pictures. Would you like the shave check pictures of my chest, belly, private area? Didn't think so. These pictures are mainly for my own reference if I missed anything. I share the face ones to make a record of how aging (or entropy) is changing me.

Maybe you like it, I hope so.

Different Razor

I shaved my other parts so I decided to shave my face. It needed it anyway.

I used a disposable Schick Sensitive razor and had a much better shave. No harsh cutting or blades that bite.

I don't know if I look better. You be the judge.

Changed

I fiddled with my blog and made a new pattern for the background. It is called 'Open Cluster' and I made it on Colour Lovers, of which I have been a member for a long time now. I don't like fancy things, keep it simple and readable.

Face

Readers of this blog probably know what I look like. You haven't known me, you don't know me. I am a ghost.

I have looked at my face for a long time, I mean, at least since I could perceive things for the first time some nearly four decades ago.

I believe my face is changing. I don't know what it is. I do not know if the threatened feminization as told by that diabetes doctor who said I had dangerously LOW T is happening.

What is about my face? That I wash it with Dove Sensitive? That I use Proactiv on my nose occasionally? I wear glasses because I am blind, on the scale of -5.25 diopters. Maybe I should have chosen better on my new glasses (I did ask for round lenses and was told my 'prescription makes that difficult). Really? What about those old people whose vision is way worse than mine? My lenses are made of high index Crizal lenses with alize anti-glare coating. This is polycarbonate plastic, easily molded into lots of things.

What do you think of my face. My lip scar, from a can hitting me in the mouth when I was taking down a canned vegetable display. That happened in my 21st year of life.

I mean, flesh is transient. My body will spend more time dead in the grand scheme of things, likely returning to the dust from which it came.

Do you think I am cute? Do you like my face? Do I seem masculine to you? I mean, I have a peena, I know I am a boy. Been that way since my 10th week of gestation, which was just about 39 years ago at this moment.

I said before, I will say it again, I do not like being male. I actually hate it but that is how it is and will always be.

My face...

A Scar

If you look at my most recent shaving picture, a few posts back, you might notice a scar on my upper lip. This is a unique feature of a sometimes 'cute' face.

Many years ago now, I worked at a store called Winn-Dixie. It was my first job and I was there for almost 7 years until it closed.

One day, I was taking down a canned vegetable display. The paper sign on it somehow became loose, the tape holding it on pulling a can down. It hit me in the mouth, splitting my lip. I had to get 6 stitches.

That hurt and I have never lost so much blood at one time before or since.

That is where it came from. There are hazards in being a grocery stocker.

That was always what I wanted to do. I have done it since I was a teenager. Could I do it now? Probably not, being out of shape. There is no way I'd go back to wm, it just isn't going to happen.

Just going to the store ruffles my anxiety feathers something fierce.

A Successful Shave

My facial hair was getting to gnarly. I normally don't shave on a Sunday. No matter, I had to. Most of my facial hair is gray now and I look older than I am. I don't want to get older but entropy happens, you know?

I am posting a picture this time as I think I did a rather good job. Just so you know, it feels like a friction burn all over my face.

If you don't like this, I will post the shave check picture of my booty when I do the body shave later. How would you like that?