A Fear

I am convinced that Covid-19 is just the beginning. It seems tailored to sicken and kill the weak and males. The virus in indiscriminate in whom it kills.

Vaccination is essential in protecting oneself and others from the virus particles you spread just by breathing. 

You will be judged when the time comes if you knowingly spread the illness by refusing vaccination or restrictions like distancing and mask wearing. It is not a matter of freedom.

Those people deserve what happens to them. They chose it for themselves. 

I was vaccinated in the spring time. I suffered no illness and the sore arm went away quickly enough. In fact, the second shot was not even felt. 

I don't want anyone to get bad sick or die. That is not my choice. I or you cannot tell others what to do. 

So, get vaccinated, wear a mask. Distance 6 feet, 2 meters if possible. 

I consider it a civic duty. Too many people seem to have forgotten civics class. 

Trouble

This is a picture from the new GOES satellite. It shows big trouble in the tropical Atlantic Ocean. I am worried this will be a horrible time for people in the Eastern US. 

There's been a lot of tropical cyclone trouble in the Pacific. Japan has been hit hard and that will only get worse as the seas heat up.

If you say the temperature isn't rising or that people did not cause it, fuck you. You are stupid and willfully ignorant and may you suffer what you decry as a fake thing. 

I have studied the weather my whole life, I know something is changing. I can't say, I am no scientist but I know more than the average. 

I'll post a satellite picture of Hurricane Florence when it gets closer to the US. 

Girls with Tattoos

I have no problem with individuality. Express yourself how you like. I do it by writing. 

Okay. This started when I discovered the model named Sarah Mudle who is from Australia. She looks EXACTLY like the female character I have been writing about for many years. However, she has all kinds of tattoos, feminine ones that aren't offensive. 

There are others, many others who mark their skin with art. 

What is wrong with feminine skin? What made them do this? What in their life made them make this transitory art that only lasts until you are dead and your skin decays away?

I never got a tattoo because my mother said it was not a good thing to do. I respect that, some might not accept it. I am from a conservative area, you know. 

If I were to get one, it would be a scorpion because it is my sign and favorite constellation and the second most powerful phobia I have after agoraphobia. 

I see the feminine appeal in a girl. Not how she mars her feminine beauty with tattoos. 

She can do as she likes, true, but she would stand out here. That kind of attention is not cool. 

A long time ago, my dad told me to stay away from girls with tattoos. I do not know what he meant, it is too late to ask him. I generally remember things my dad told me. 

Well, no more, all I have are pictures and memories now. 

Occasionally, an absolutely beautiful girl comes along and she doesn't have tattoos. What is so bad about that?

Russia

What about Russia? 

When I was a kid, I had this intense fear of a nuclear war. I was a child in the 80s and from this, I became unable to sleep without the radio on. This continues to this day. A power outage this morning caused me an ill time to sleep because the radio was off. 

Then the great Red Scare, the USSR, collapsed. I was 15 when it did and good, or was it? At least, you knew then who didn't like you.

Has this changed? Why would Putin behave like this if he did not harbor some delusion that the world should not have changed from the Soviet system.

I may not like unregulated capitalism but perverting communism into a tyranny ruins what should be a good idea. 

Russia now seems unstable, things like Ossetia apparently misbehaving and the situation in the Ukraine.

This situation seems stupid. It has been a long time now since the USSR collapsed on tv. Why wait until now to air this grievance about ethnic Russians? I am ethnically Western European but I am all Texan and American. I don't really care to go to the homeland of my DNA, it costs money and it would involve a plane ride. Forget that. 

I don't know what the deal is. When I was a kid, the Russians were the bad guy. Then the world changed and one doesn't know who the bad guy is. Terrorists? They are bad guys yes but terrorism is a crime. Different beliefs are not a crime. 

I hope this situation calms down. This year is the 100 year anniversary of the start of World War I. A similar situation could happen again if things get out of control. 

If the two World Wars taught you nothing, they should teach you the price of letting things get out of control. 

Addiction

Do you have an addiction? To what? I hope it isn't drugs or alcohol, both poisons. What of chocolate? Does it make you gain weight? Or the pervasive addiction to caffeine?

I do not have addictions like this. I am addicted to sugar, have a powerful sweet tooth. It isn't good but I can't live without it.

I am addicted to porn. This happened largely because of my ex-gf who was as cold as a spring day on Eris.

I am not addicted to anything else. I see intoxicants as just that, toxic, poison. I don't even like taking medicine but will if I have to.

I knew people who were addicted to methamphetamines. What an awful thing to be addicted to. It destroyed them and rightly so. That poison is wholly avoidable.

I am not addicted to anything bad, I guess. I do think I could be sick because of the porn thing but that is mental sickness and I am mentally sick as it is.

I am not going to make it worse with poisons.

GM Foods

Here is what I think of Genetically Modified Foods.

Using science to increase crop yields to feed what is becoming a human disaster that numbers in the billions and counting is not, I repeat not a bad thing.

Using science to improve water absorption is not a bad thing. Nor is using science to resist pests like insects or mold.

Using science to modify nature is a natural outcome to what has been going on for thousands of years since the dawn of agriculture.

I do not believe ADM or Monsanto are evil. Sure, there are bad things about them. But there are bad things about all big corporations, GE, Walmart, etc...

You try to come up with a solution to feed the billions of naked apes that frankly overburden the earth.

Don't accuse me of contributing. I, nor did anyone else, ask to be born. I do not have children and likely never will.

In that way, my anxiety disorder protects me.

Do GM foods bother me? No. I mean, people of my generation and younger have been eating processed foods for our entire lives. Doesn't it show?

You want to attack a company that is evil? How about the News Corporation and its fruitcake moronic drivel machine, the Faux News Channel.

If this is unpopular, it's okay. I don't want people offended by that reading my blog.

Difference

For a long time, like when I was a kid in the 80s, it was like a dire insult to be called 'queer'. I have seen and been in fights that followed.

But as I got older, I was cute in that way as a teenager. People assume I was and am like that. They mistake my anxiety disorder for that.

I have misandry. How could I possibly like another guy like that? I don't feel attracted to other guys. I don't like that. What I am attracted to is female.

Certain females, like Mia Magma in the October issue of PH, that is what I like.

But the question that if you see a gay person, what would you think? I don't care, it is not my business nor is it my right to judge.

In Oakland this past Monday, a non-binary gendered teenager was set on fire on a city bus. What the hell? What gives people the right to do such a thing? It makes me so angry, intolerance and hate. Haven't we learned sensitivity for LGBT people? They are people too.

I am Texan, yes, but I am mildly liberal in beliefs. I believe everyone should be afforded the same respect and dignity. I don't understand the hurtful beliefs of conservative people. I believe they are willfully ignorant or just plain stupid.

No, I did not vote for Cruz. I have never voted for a re-stupid-can and never will.

I hope this burn victim, Sasha, will be okay.

Hate and intolerance should not be acceptable in any culture.

I have talked in my blog before about people who are that way. They don't bother me. It is just difference.

Genetically

I sent off for a DNA test in late August. I finally got the results.

Oh, gosh, it said I have blue eyes. Yes, I do.

It said I am of nearly 100% Northern European descent. Yes, again, my ancestors were primarily Scottish.

It said I have 2.7% Neanderthal DNA. That makes me wonder from who it came from, a horny human male poking a poor Neanderthal female or a human female captured by a Neanderthal clan. Either seems likely.

Neanderthals lived from about 130k years ago to at least 27k years ago. They were not exactly like us, some differences. Still human enough to recognize.


Why they vanished is a troubling mystery. It should have been us who vanished. Wouldn't have the troubles we do now.

Arguing over health care, a basic human right. What the fuck? What is the real motive here? It could be greed, protecting interests, the fact that some racist bastards in the congress do not like President Obama. It could be simple ignorance or apathy.

Stupid, it's just stupid.

The test said I am not at risk for most diseases but arthritis.... that was no surprise.

I will study the DNA report some more and if you have a question, do comment, please.

Political

I am of Democratic beliefs. I am not terribly liberal. I hate Conservatist obstructionists.

I am pro-choice, because denying anything like a medical procedure is wrong. I have no children. I am not sensitive to arguments about children.

I avoid political discussions usually, they tickle my anxiety something awful.

I am not female. I do not know really what makes the decision to abort a pregnancy. I am sensitive and have empathy for a hurt female. That decision has to hurt. A girl wouldn't be human if she did not regret. Yes, there are some who wouldn't care but I don't believe many are like that.

If a female decides to do this, she should have access to clean facilities and real doctors to ensure she won't have to go to somewhere dirty and risk life-threatening illness.

You may or may not know. I am a Texan. The morons in Austin seek to deny this safe and clean way to have this done. Is that not harmful? Making a female have a child, is that right?

Yes, it is her fault. Why couldn't she be content with masturbation? Getting pregnant is an alignment of sex and fertility. Takes two.

I have had only two sex affairs in my life. I did not make either of my girlfriends pregnant. It isn't that hard.

I do blame males. Bastards. If sex was not the driving force of your un-evolved mind, perhaps you would be more successful.

Do not look at me, I have a mental illness. I am content with the m-thing. Anxiety prevents me from the real thing.

Bird Girl?

Don't ask me how but in looking at things to inspire story ideas, I happened across an article about Koo Koo the Bird Girl.

I don't want to post a picture of her. I talk about feminine beauty and Koo Koo did not have it.

Apparently, she was featured in an old movie called 'Freaks'. I have never seen this, barely have ever heard of it.

A long time ago, my dad said my grandfather took a dim view of freak shows and never allowed him to go. I don't remember my dad ever taking me to one. Not that such things are all that.

Back in the old days, people seemed to take advantage of others' misfortunes. You can see this in freak shows, what happened in Europe back then, nuclear testing in the American West.

If Koo Koo, real name Minnie, had some gnarly congenital deformity, it should have been treated with sensitivity, not a subject of scorn and profit.

Oh, what do I know? That all happened way before I was born.

I can do way worse things in stories and make a real bird girl. I don't portray freak shows but the beauty of speculative fiction is that one can do that.

I still would not go to a freak show. The idea actually bothers me.

Rancor

I have no opinion on what happens in Florida. It is a terrible place for letting CA be acquitted. As the sea level rises because of CO2 in the atmosphere, Florida will increasingly be subsumed by the sea. Maybe that isn't so bad.

I have thought since this TM situation happened that the boy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe he shouldn't have been shot, what is it with freaking guns? I don't own a gun and never will.

I think the whole situation is stupid. Major cities going bankrupt, restupidcan politicians put ideology before good governance. Hey, didn't you know why it is so hot in places it isn't usually so hot in?

No, I won't mention Climate Change in my blog. You are stupid if you think it isn't happening. Maybe the Earth is returning to a Cretaceous climate, no ice on the planet then.

But then, what happened when the Cretaceous ended? Whatever it was, Ankylosaurs, Tyrannosaurs, raptors, etc.... saw it happen, witnessed their own doom.

What is ours?

Vegetarian?

I have wondered about becoming vegetarian for several years now. I have not become so because sometimes, I don't have control of what I eat, it is either eat or go hungry, you know?

The more I learn, about farming, about chickens and cows, I mean, I only have pork once in a great while and it is not something I would choose for myself.

I like chicken best. I like honey enhanced turkey breast lunch meat. I like some fish, I like beef sometimes. I am not saying it is okay to support companies who have bitter indifference to harming animals.

It doesn't make sense to damage the product before customers buy it. Because I worked in a store all those years, I seem to have a strong aversion to damaging the product. I feel bad when something breaks, not only because we have to clean it up, but it is a financial loss for the company, who pass that along to customers.

But, understand a fact, I am a student of Human Evolution. I know a lot about it, though it is only through my own research.

A fact about human evolution. Humans are omnivores. Human beings developed the brains we have because of increased protein consumption. This happened over the course of millions of years, likely because as hunter-gatherers, our distant ancestors ate whatever they could catch.

Now, that our distant ancestors were apes, that is not technically true. They were Hominids, creatures that have not existed in a million years. I do not know why people can't accept that.

Do you really believe that Human is the be-all end-all of evolutionary potential? Why do we have difference? Why is there cancer? Why does something as lowly as bacteria utterly devastate a human life? That girl in Georgia, yes, but she will make it.

Mariana Bridi di Costa did not. Look her up, she died a couple of years ago from bacterial sepsis.

The point here is that even if we are of evolved hominid origin, it does not relinquish us from consuming protein in the best place to find it, meat.

I personally cannot justify harming my own health by becoming vegetarian and I won't give up eating chicken. I don't particularly care for beef anymore.

I am told that I have only liked whole milk ever since I was a baby. I like it now but it's so expensive.

Are you going to say that we shouldn't drink milk? We are mammals. The very being of mammal, milk-bearing. Girls make it. Treated transgendered females can make it.

Going hungry as I do some days as there is nothing I can eat here, I can't eat some things, not unless I want a stomach ache or the big C-(onstipation), which is doubly painful on my prostatitis stricken body.

I am old enough to decide what I eat but circumstance just doesn't let that happen.

I am going to ask for disability for my agoraphobia. Treatment can be too expensive to pursue. I have to sell my car just to see the doctor. Wtf? That's what healthcare as it is does to us.

When I do have the ability to buy my own food again, I will have a vegetable heavy diet, but always with a meat course. I am an omnivore.

If you want to succeed in Spore, make your creature an omnivore, see the advantage in action.

Busy Lives, Mine is Not

Something I do not understand. Not having time to write an e~mail or a fb message. It takes usually no more than a few minutes.

Everyone is so busy all 24 hours of the day. It seems that they never have the time to do anything related to their own being, you know, like friendships.

My days are usually the same. I wake up, I turn on the pc and I write and listen to music. Occasionally, I have to do other stuff but it usually doesn't take up much time. I mean, I cook dinner most nights. I take out the trash, I do other stuff, it doesn't take all day to do that.

EVEN when I did have a job and worked at wm, I had time to answer messages and check things.

Now that I have too much time, I am stuck in a void. I have a life you could not deal with. Agoraphobia manifests in me in keeping me inside all day. I am a virtual prisoner some days, my own feeling keeping me in here.

This room isn't what it used to be. The floor is collapsing. There is an epic mess in here that will take days to clean up. I don't do it because of some kind of mental thing related to my mental illness. I can look at this pragmatically and know something is wrong but have no will to fix it.

The internet is my only social contact. It will likely be this way for the rest of my life. How sad is that?

While you are busy, I am here, sitting in my chair, trying to write.

I typically sleep from 5 or 6 am to 2 or 3 pm. On sundays, I have to wait until 630 am to go to sleep, the Fox's PSA's play at 6 am and I cannot sleep to people talking about some inane social event or whatever is going on at Ft Hood that has nothing to do with civilians.

Why do I sleep during the best part of the day (morning)? I really have no idea. I like the overnight.

It's only right for a ghost to like the night, you know.

Political Extremism

Before I say this, I will admit that I am a Democrat, I believe in compromise, I believe less in bloated defense budgets and more in taking care of the people.

I hate extremism in any form. Whether it be from stupid and soulless islamists that blow themselves up to idiots like the tea party that is nazi-fying our government.

What is the deal? The way a government works is simple to understand

People work, pay tax --> revenue

Government decides where to put revenue ---> policy

President agrees --> law.

However, no one is working. I don't have a job. That has more to do with my personal pain that keeps me inside all day. Other people who do not have agoraphobia are unemployed. This is unacceptable. Why is there unemployment? A SIN. GREED. Corporate greed. Spend some time working at wm and see it in action. I do not believe anyone should have more than $1 billion. If that is communism, so be it. How much is enough?

What do conservatives have to cling to? Cold War era defense spending? Right to have a gun policy? Stripping women of individual freedoms? Corporate governance? Taking care of their rich friends and screwing people like us?

I am 36 years old. I live at the hind end of the American Century. I have no hope for the future. I wish I had killed myself in 2008 so I would not have to feel this rage against inaction and willful disregard for the country.

No one in the Congress is innocent. No one should be in the Congress longer than 12 years at a time. How long has Senator McCain been in government? Or Senator Reid?

The entire House of Representatives should be abolished. If they can't do their job and legislate, they should be charged as traitors for endangering American national security by destroying our economy.

Why is raising taxes so hard? What do you gain by not raising them? A broke government? Why bitch about spending? Cut pay to everyone in the Congress.

I am not in support of crippling the military. I am not sure Sequestration will cripple the military. I have lived by Ft Hood all my life. I am not sure the Army will suffer so badly. That's because of the bloated nature of the Defense budget. We have weapons that can kill anyone anywhere at anytime. Ask that al-qaida guy killed last week.

No, I do not believe in the current members of the congress, none of them. I do believe in President Obama, since he is not the one promising to strip health care from people as his first priority.

I cannot stand conservatives. I cannot stand the nazi-like tea party. I cannot stand dudes that tie up the entire government with a pledge to not raise taxes. I mean, all reps who signed that, who are they loyal to? That guy or the USA?

It is Un-American as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow.

Compromise? Sure, I would make a deal only if it did not hurt people. They are hurting people now by not compromising. They should be put in jail.

Why I Watch the UFC

I have misandry. I hate other guys. I don't like looking at them, talking to them, or being in the vicinity of one. Animals. To say humans are not animals is a fallacy. Some men prove it on a daily basis. Look in the crime blotter in your local paper. Then there was that case in Florida where that guy ate the face off another. I''m glad the police handled that with professionalism.

It could be why I am interested in transgenderism. Ex-boys who felt that they were never male. You are only male because that one little sperm cell that reached your mother's ovum had a Y-chromosome. It could have easily been one that had an X-chromosome and a male would have never been.

I wish that was true in my case. However, it is not. It is far too late to change now even if I had the desire/money to do so. I have prostate issues. I hate the fact that it hurts me to pee. I can't go see the doctor, urology won't see me without health insurance. Hello, I am unemployed. How could I possibly have health insurance.

I had it when I worked at wm. It was all right, I guess. Paid for all those tests.

Anyway, about males. I may be male but I consider myself only that.

Getting to the point here, I watch the UFC because I like watching males get the crap beat out of each other. It kinda reminds me of Ancient Rome, gladiators and all that. It would not be cool if someone got killed. I mean, just because I have misandry does not mean I wish them grievous harm.

Measuring how tough you are isn't always judged in how you fight. People who survive cancer, paralysis, major surgery, people like that are tough.

I am not really that bothered by male friends. Just don't compare yourself to me. I am not like you or anyone else.

It could be the decline of Western culture. It's playing out in its birthplace right now. See how it's going in Athens right now?

I regret being born when I was instead of 100 years before. Of course, I wish I had not been born at all. A lot of things would have been better, I think.

Arthelius says: 'Living then dying leaves a memory but being never was does not."

Of course, he is a Jedi ghost. Knows such things.

Beauty

This is Jenna Tacklova, the person who ran for Miss Canada in the Miss Universe Pageant scheme.

I saw her on CNN when that was going on and gosh, I have known transgender people in the past, you know, Austin, but gosh, Jenna is not like them. She is beautiful.

I have no problem with transgenderism. I mean, in my stories, it is done with either hormones and surgery or easily by reconstruction technology. I have written about Lin Ekesa here before. He became a she eventually through that technology.

Unlike real life, where Jenna likely had to go by hormones and surgery. I wish that technology existed for people like her. That way, she could be 100% female and no one would say anything.

I wish her all the success she desires. I think she is a beautiful feminine person.

I can't say that I am attracted to people like her. I mean, my ex-gf Jennifer typifies, at least physically, what I find attractive. I will likely never find another like her. For that, I am glad.

I may make another transgender character. In the age of Body Change, it doesn't mean a whole lot.

I wish that we did not hate. Of course, my wish of $30 million to have is more likely.

Beloved Texas

I am a Texan. I am a 4th Generation Texan. I was born in the same town I grew up in. It will always be my home.

People make fun of Texas for different reasons, the way people talk, or the gaudy proportions of meal servings, or even the embarrassment of the Cowboys recent seasons.

However, when it comes to politics, understand something. Not every one in Texas is Republican. I know many who are not. Myself included. I did not vote for 'Pointy Boots' as Jeff Ward calls him, Rick Perry. I have known for years what an idiot he is. Just like his mentor, old Dubya himself, the king of idiots.

I have never been out of Texas. I wouldn't travel if I had the money because quite frankly, it is better here than where you are.

There are parts of Tx I do not like, like Killeen, but Killeen is a parasite city not representative of Tx because most of the people who live there are not from Tx.

We are nice people. We like to help others, and courtesy comes natural to us. Recent events may not agree with that but consider where they happened.

Remember next time you speak badly of Texas, you are offending people like me who love it. It is my home.

Recurrent Sadness

I am usually sad when I wake up every day. I do not know why, but it could be a transitive thing between dreams and reality. I hate reality. It is nothing but pain and stress. People say, 'that is life' but is it? Did we humans develop the curse of sentience because of pain and stress?

No, too much of what people believe is BS. Try studying Atenism sometime. If Akhenaten was able to foist his beliefs onto the people, it can be an analogy with modern conservatism. Only part of the Aten, the Sun providing life, is true, what in Conservatism is?

I saw someone on tv describe what is happening in now in the ridiculous Republican struggle for the nomination as a 'carnival'. I think it is more like a black hole sucking in money, tv time, good sense, effort, and desire to do anything truly good.

I don't hate anyone but I strongly dislike. I dislike conservatives but opinions can change.

I am not liberal. I am moderate. I like to agree. I don't like extremism of any kind.

Way off topic there, sorry.

I am sad because I have cyclical depression. It is caused by my anxiety disorder. Stress is a motivator and there was stress yesterday. Maybe not so today but the day is young as I write this.

Compounded with my prostate pain, this is how things will likely be for the rest of my life.

Remember, it is my choice when it ends.

Arthelius says, "It is the emotional blade that hurts most." Right on, brother.

Why I Wont Have Anything by Apple

A long time ago, when I was in school, the pc was sorta in its early days. I am a child of the 80's, you know. During the school years, occasionally, I would encounter a McIntosh computer. It was small, with a weird screen, and incomprehensible. Not to mention the bloated cost of the things.

That is where I learned of the word 'proprietary'. Not propriety is fine if you are Nintendo or Sony, for the format of the consoles they make is unique to them. Should a computer be this way?

Now I know Mac now has some commonality with Windows but this I-phone, I-pad, I-whatever else, it's all proprietary. My music is in the WMP format. I never got to buy an Mp3 player before I became unemployed. But then, I never go anywhere so why would I need to take my music with me?

I hate proprietary things. There should be one device that runs everything. This may be lack of competition, but competition is harming our country now with the debacle of this election season and the worse debacle of the US congress.

I don't need anything by Apple. I never will get anything by Apple. Take your proprietary bs and piss off.

Enmity

I have spoken of my dad before. Remember, he was brain damaged by a stroke. Nothing he says can be taken seriously.

However, he says that he does not mind if I commit suicide. Well then, what is stopping me exactly? A belief? I believe in Jesus, the promise of salvation. But I also believe in Deism, that God does not directly interfere with human life.

You can say wrath was visited on those communities ravaged by those tornadoes. Wrath or a confluence of atmospheric currents, temperature, and water vapor?

Why create something just to destroy it later, I mean the soul. We have souls. It is what makes us human. You may not feel it but you know it's there.

What would happen to mine if I killed myself? Oblivion? I don't want to show that I was not strong enough to deal with life. It takes courage to not do it when the pain rages like the surface of the sun.

What my dad says garners enmity. I don't hate him, he is my father, but in the broken mind he has, he has become a big bully, that is all.

I won't let the pain win. I need help, yes, but you need money for that and I don't have any. It is sad that I have a life-threatening pain and need money to help heal it. Where is the compassion of the human soul? It is openly shared in some people, not at all in others. Money, that is why I hate it, it is soul-corrupting.

Human beings could be extinct before we could ever agree to do away with money.