Now What?

Do you only like pictures in my blog? Most hits I get are those for posts with pictures in them.

What is the deal? Are you not interested in me and my daily pain? It manifests powerfully today.

Why did you come here? For the pictures? What kind of person are you? Can you not see the denigration of a male human being as he slowly falls apart?

I am stricken with a chronic condition in my pelvic area. It greatly affects my life so I have no choice but to write about it.

The specter of my anxiety disorder is what rules my life. It is all encompassing and total. My soul is in a cage.

I don't like posting pictures really. Who is looking at them? Why? Do you think I am cute? Do you like astronomy and the weather? Occasionally females of interest?

I don't know and the more time goes by, I really wonder what this is for.

Do you like hurting my feelings? Especially this person with the I-Phone. Who are you? What makes you look at my blog on that device? I know what the mobile site looks like, it isn't all that great.

I don't know. This post probably won't get as looked at like one with pictures. Only proves you really don't give a damn about me. No one does.

Sad Ghost

The ER doc said take a few days off. His paper says so. However, wm won't accept it just because it isn't a wm form. This is the straw, so to speak. The decision has been made. I am leaving that putrid cesspit. I do not wish to leave wm. That is all about that. No rancor in this blog.

I am sad because of that. Because my left testicle is swollen and hurts. I cannot sit for any amount of time because of it and gosh, try wearing jeans. The shocking yellow-orange pee is disturbing. I thought it would be cool but not anymore.

My suidical thoughts are coming back because of this and because of that thing mentioned in the fore of this post. I cannot do my usual to relieve them. I hurt too bad.

Nobody cares. Sure, no one wants to hear that. However, it is true.

I wish my friend Matt was right. How easy it is to leave. But it is not. I face the dark prospect of not seeing my girlfriend a lot. That may be for the better. She and I have a frosty relationship that really never changes. Maybe she will thaw a little if she didn't see me only at work.

Iwant to go crawl into a shell and not come out. That is my anxiety talking. It is powerful and governs what and how I do things. Odd that it remained complacent when I stood half naked while the doctor did an exam. I guess pain overrides that.

I came up with Arthelius the Ghost because I saw that as a fitting end for my rp character, but also, I kinda want to be him. Consigned to an ever annoying chore, watching over the peoples, offering dry advice and odd humor.

The reality of my life would stain this blog. I won't speak of it here.

I feel sad, yet again. Maybe the Celexa-clone will wash it away.

I hope so.