Unable to .... No M-thing :(

Unlike Arthelius the Ghost, my net counterpart, I have a penis connected by a troubled urethra to a much troubled prostate gland and a bladder that wishes it was in someone else.

I don't usually talk about my peeny. It isn't something that I like to talk about. It isn't that I don't like it. I love mine. It has never failed me and has amused me for most of my life. Certain things are interesting. Its shape, its circumcision scar, and its general pinkness.

The only woman with whom I had sex considered it a beautiful thing and was muchly satisfied with it. I valued her opinion and feel confident that I could satisfy all but the loosest women.

However.... my peeny is troubled.

It is NOT sick in any way. It is a bystander to the real action, an angry prostate. My prostate throbs, my urethra, which passes through it like a train tunnel in a mountain, burns with ????

It hurts when I pee. It hurts when I sit down. It hurts when I bend over. It hurts when I stretch, twist, or carry something heavy. It hurts right now just writing this.

I have held off doing the m-thing because it alwys hurts really bad afterwards, especially in the morning after. And when the pain is the worst, it tends to leak urine, which you know, might be embarrassing, but crap! I love my underwear. I wear color coordinated underwear that I look good in. (Black when I go to work, white on my day off or gray, depends on the shirt I'm wearing).

While it may never happen, if someone robs me and Jen or our store and makes us strip to our underwear, I will not be the worst looking guy.

I don't actually like peeing. It has been annoyance since I tend to pee a lot when properly hydrated, which I have been intentionally avoiding to my detriment. Dr. L really hates that.

My prostate is angry because? No one really knows. It may just be pissed off that I'm not getting any.

I do the m-thing to purge hormones that distort my thinking into thinking about sex, but also because I believe it is healthy.

Now when I try, my peeny functions as designed but prostate says, 'I don't think so.... chump'.

It intensifies in pain and sends burning pain down my urtethra, making it feel like I am wetting myself when I am not.

My peeny does not stay in its rigid state long if I am hurting. It senses, I guess, that the plumbing isn't working right. It is dry anyway. I have severe dry skin and the 11% humidity today was not exactly helping.

I'm sorry, peeny, I never intended to develop an angry and painful prostate.

I am growing frustrated with this whole thing. I will order a new Vivid movie now and try again.

If Jen would open up just once and showed me her exquisite beauty unclothed, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard, you know?

Somewhere, in the depths of the Force, Arthelius is laughing at me, the douchebag.