No Love

I was going to write about Star Trek: Voyager but I will hold off on that.

I have been thinking for a long time about the music I have heard. I listen to music all the time, usually the radio.

When singers/songwriters sing of love, appeal, desire, care, and obsession, I wonder if it is just rhyming fluff or can this be how things actually are.

In my life experience, I have only received attraction, sex, friendship but no true love. I have begun to think that it an impossible thing to find in my life now.

I am sure that there is a girl my age or not far from it that needs love like I do. Meeting her would be impossible because I don't go anywhere.

Several years ago, E-Harmony said I was 'undatable'. That hurt and I lost faith in love.

I cannot change how I am, shy, anxious always, a practical shut-in.

I would only date a girl now who understood mental pain, who is an intellect, who likes Science Fiction, who is not more or less than 5 years of my age, 36. This sounds like a hard thing to find but I don't believe so. There just aren't any females like this where I live.

I may never find love in the remaining days/months/years of my life. I do know this, that I can't make it alone, and I will have the last say on how long I will live. It is a pragmatic decision.

I don't listen to songs that appeal to memories, love, or associations like Jen and green day.

This is bad because that is maybe 30% of music in my WMP library and maybe a larger proportion of my cd collection.

I am lonely, yes, but to welcome someone new into my life, it won't be easy. I will try though, should the blessed opportunity presents itself.