Death

I was playing Final Fantasy 12 when I was told that Whitney Houston had died. I put it on CNN and truth, the woman with the beautiful voice was gone. I have always liked her, though I don't listen to pop music. Either rock or trance for me.

No matter how she died, she has reached what I have grown to think of as absolute peace. No matter what happens after death, the human conditions and tribulations are over.

I think of death because I feel suicidal sometimes. However, the pain my anxiety disorder causes can be managed by medicine and faith.

It is a natural part of the cycle of life and perhaps all who are alive fear it. Those who say they don't are full of it. How would you like to experience the moment when you realize your heart has stopped beating? That alone scares me.

I've seen videos of some messed up things on the net, like a guy that got run over by a large truck and was literally cut in half. He was not dead right away and that was horrible to watch.

In darker moments, I envy people my age who have died. Their pain is over.

Whatever afterlife exists, it isn't a human one. No wants or needs. No physicality.

For some reason, autopsies scare me. I watch Dr. G and she does it with aplomb, unfazed by the sight of the gooey bloody insides of us humans. I could say that I don't want to be autopsied after my death but that is not something I could do anything about.

In this area, dead people are sent to Dallas for autopsy. That is some way to go and it seems sad.

Death will call on us, it is a certainty. I hope it is kind when it is my time.