Feeling

I could go out and hang myself right now. I am feeling that way. But I have things I want to do. It is only a few days when I can go to the store and get my hair cut and finally do my laundry.

I hate being male.
I hate other peoples' apathy
I hate physical pain in my pelvic area
I hate breathing
I hate peeing
I hate anxiety I cannot control.

What does this mean? Has it come to the breaking point? Not really. I lack the materials needed to hang myself. I can remedy this in a few days.

I have no children, no love, no family of my own. I turn 40 a year from my b-day this year.

I may not look it but I am older. I feel it. Of course, that can be inactivity. Do you think I am going out into the sunlight to 'exercise'? You must be joking.

Near the beginning of the month, I received the new issue of 'Archaeology'. I said I will read it when I do my laundry. It has rested on that table for almost a whole month, the time in which I have not been able to do my laundry.

If I killed myself, laundry wouldn't matter. Nothing would, hardly a change from what life is like for me now.

I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.