Not That Bad

I have been feeling sad but not as bad as it can get by any means. This is likely because I really am not stressing over anything, other than the usual, remembering story plots or characters, songs I like, and gosh, my uro-g pain.

I am used to hurting there, it is a pain I am accustomed to.

Anyway, I am learning about Star Trek stuff I missed when I was offline. I hate the new Star Trek for the simple fact that it all but does away with the Next Generation. My favorite Star Trek series is Deep Space Nine. I am not that big a fan of Star Trek. It could be better.

When I write space combat, weapons do damage, people are killed or sucked out into space. Many have safety systems and procedures in place to prevent deaths like that. The idea is to kick ass but also, come home safely.

Writing helps me a lot. I have not been writing because I have to fix a tangled continuity problem. My stories are part of a serial space opera drama that has been ongoing for years. I could write a Non-Serial story anytime. I have many times.

I have some writing on my Deviantart page. A story, some art related to it. I suck at drawing.

I will post another astronomical goody later. I like doing that.

I found a save on one of my PS2's memory cards of a waaaay underleveled party in the Draklor Laboratory area of Final Fantasy 12. I am working to see if I can level them up and get through Cid. I don't have the foggiest idea of how I got that far being so underleveled. It is not how I play Final Fantasy.

I might think of something else to write later.

For now, I'm okay.

Nakoruru Memory

This is Nakoruru, a character from the SNK NeoGeo game Samurai Showdown. She means something special to me, as she is my favorite fighting game character and inspired an archetype for notable female characters in my stories.

Before all that, when I was a teenager, when I did not have to work, I would go to a video store in my hometown to play the arcade version of SS. I have never seen a NeoGeo and never could find the PS port of the original SS game. Now that I am unemployed and have no money, I cannot get it.

I always picked Nakoruru because she is fast. She is liquid grace and uses a short sword which I like. I was a master with her and could beat any challenger fool that intruded on my game playing time in less than 10 seconds.

But thinking of Nakoruru, I remember my teenage days. I never thought life would be like this. I used to think that things would be cool, I could do what I want and live where I want.

I can't do anything now. It's misery. I developed anxiety disorder in my 30's. I developed chronic prostatitis in my mid 30's. Of course, I am 35 now.

I had a job when I was a teen. I worked at Winn-Dixie. A picture of me in our yearbook showed me there. I was there for 7 years. I used to think I'd always be there. Then it closed. I went on to another store, then the debacle of Y2k, after which I worked at my favorite job. Until it was outsourced to Penang in Malaysia. The company I worked for is no more now.

When I was a teenager, I was addicted to soda, music, and I wrote a lot, the foundation of my story world. I have written an ongoing epic space opera since I was 18. My writing helps me chill. I try to craft better stories now, but it takes some effort not to blah blah blah the story into left field.

I wish I could still play SS. It would remind me of simpler days. I posted a picture of her, the shrine maiden from Hokkaido.

I wonder if Hokkaido was damaged in the earthquake/tsunami. I hope not.

How silly that a video game character affected me so. There's not a lot to my life.

A Character of Mine

For as long as I have been out of high school, approaching 16 years, I have written thousands of stories all connected in one big space opera serial. Characters have come and gone. I don't really ascribe loyalty to any character, as how many things can happen to one person in any given life?

Indisputably, the star of the space opera is a female named Ketheri.

She is tall, skinny, with light brown hair (in her elder days) as for most of her life, it was light yellow. She is a history and culture specialist, a military officer, and for the last 100 or so stories, an Admiral in the space navy she serves.

To me, she is as real as anyone. That is not to say I believe she is real, but I know her like I would know a real person. She has a distinct personality and I am comfortable writing about her. I created her almost 12 years ago while mopping the floor of the first store I worked in.

A long time ago, a girl was sweet on me. We were teenagers, but ew, I'm a small guy, I am not going to do it with a big girl. She used to call me every night. We'd talk about a lot of things but gosh, she was a drug counselor and described things I had never thought of before.

The things she told me gelled into how I developed Ketheri originally. She was an abandoned child who grew up in an alien orphanage. She went into the space navy to get away, but was into the club scene where she was introduced to drugs. She used an especially potent crystalline drug like a more powerful ecstasy.

She had her firstborn, a son, in that time, and two years later, at age 26, she overdosed almost fatally.

Her life was saved by naval doctors and she went through a brutal reform under another, earlier, star of my space opera. She grew to hate that person, and got away, establishing her own office dedicated to studying alien cultures and threats to their country.

A lot of things happened along the way. I cannot condense her post-reform life here, it's too long. She is of a race of people who live for a very long time.

She was killed at the beginning of her middle age, and thousands of years later, restored to life based on scan templates and advanced cell restoration. In the time after that she entered her elder days and became harder to write about. I didn't for most of 2009, focusing on Non-Serial Stories, but early this year, I returned to her.

I don't put her in physical situations so much anymore. She is too high up in military circles and she is not like old, but her spirit is. People don't age in my stories. They have cell regen treatments every so often. My own sadness leaches onto Ketheri.

I have future plans. I have never published my stories, mainly because I don't know where to begin in my serial space opera. I used to have a geocities site with many stories on it but I had no proof anyone read them. No interest.

I have two dedicated readers. They help me a lot.

In the future, I will write a far future battle between good and evil, and Ketheri was recruited for the 'good' side a while ago now. At one point, she will leave her human corporeality and join this crusade. I will publish those.

Ketheri is a brave fighter, wise commander, and experienced teacher. She occupies a place in my heart, my own character. She may fill in part of the guilt I feel in not having a great life.

Send me a message if you want to know more about her.