I Forgot

I forgot to take my med. Celexa. This is a maintanance med I take to mitigate anxiety. I have taken it since 2008. I get it from the wm pharmacy in my hometown, it costs $4 per 30 dose card though I am supposed to get two cards because my dose is twice daily. When I stopped taking the second dose in mid 2010, I asked them only to give me one card a month. This makes my med last and helps me sleep, deal with things, and it has an effect on my sexuality and how I feel.

Not taking it can have horrible consequences. Number one, I am more prone to panic attacks. I nearly had one last night when I lost my watch. It is here somewhere but I have not found it yet.

If I do not take my med after two days, I have neurological effects like tremoring, nervous shocks all over my central nervous systems and instability. Because I take a lesser dose now, it could be more mild but I am not keen on testing that. I do not like those feelings.

If you see me stumble or look spacey, that is because of my med. When I worked at em, I took it around 1 pm on my first break and again at 1130 pm before I went to sleep.

I now go to sleep around 3 am and take my med about 1230 am or so. I get up anywhere between 11 am and 2 pm, though I try to be up by 1230 pm to watch Fraggle Rock, lol.

I wonder if I will always have to take celexa. This is why I didn't go see the psychology doctor. I do not want to take a more potent med. I do not want to be stripped of my defenses from anxiety. Any chance at a normal life for me faded when I developed this soul-wrenching condition.

My life never will be like it was 10 years ago.

As I get older and develop things like arthritis, it's coming, I can feel it, these things can grind on my anxiety and make things worse.

Why did I forget? I do not know, but I think it was because I was watching a movie (Predators) and I usually don't watch movies. I can't sit still for that long.

If I traveled, I would likely not do well. Taking me from my safe place, exposing me to unfamiliar things and people. I lack health insurance now, I do not know what would happen if I had a full power panic attack, which could lead to hurting myself to make it stop.

Am I forever going to be sick like this? Will I become more mentally ill as time goes by? I feel scared when I think about that.

I do not have a female companion. I will likely live alone in the future.

I do not know if I can.