Sad Ghost

The ER doc said take a few days off. His paper says so. However, wm won't accept it just because it isn't a wm form. This is the straw, so to speak. The decision has been made. I am leaving that putrid cesspit. I do not wish to leave wm. That is all about that. No rancor in this blog.

I am sad because of that. Because my left testicle is swollen and hurts. I cannot sit for any amount of time because of it and gosh, try wearing jeans. The shocking yellow-orange pee is disturbing. I thought it would be cool but not anymore.

My suidical thoughts are coming back because of this and because of that thing mentioned in the fore of this post. I cannot do my usual to relieve them. I hurt too bad.

Nobody cares. Sure, no one wants to hear that. However, it is true.

I wish my friend Matt was right. How easy it is to leave. But it is not. I face the dark prospect of not seeing my girlfriend a lot. That may be for the better. She and I have a frosty relationship that really never changes. Maybe she will thaw a little if she didn't see me only at work.

Iwant to go crawl into a shell and not come out. That is my anxiety talking. It is powerful and governs what and how I do things. Odd that it remained complacent when I stood half naked while the doctor did an exam. I guess pain overrides that.

I came up with Arthelius the Ghost because I saw that as a fitting end for my rp character, but also, I kinda want to be him. Consigned to an ever annoying chore, watching over the peoples, offering dry advice and odd humor.

The reality of my life would stain this blog. I won't speak of it here.

I feel sad, yet again. Maybe the Celexa-clone will wash it away.

I hope so.