Childfree

I am childfree. This is not because I have a stringent belief in not having children. It is because I have have never had a job that payed a lot. I don't have a job now. Not only that, I have a stress disorder, how would the constant worry and stress affect me? Negatively. It would only take a little push to throw me over the edge of the suicide cliff.

Not only that, I have recurrent non-bacterial prostatitis. My prostate gland swells and shrinks making always painful to pee, sometimes hard to pee. But the other function of the male apparatus works like it should, though doubles pain if used for a while, like in sex.

It is a pain I am used to. I have had this for four years now. As I get older, I fear greatly future prostate troubles.

I could have a child still, biologically. But, I cant support myself let alone another life. It would be a tragic disservice to that child if I could not take care of him/her.

Of course, that goes onto the topic of a willing female who has a heavier investment in such a thing. I have lost the hope of finding a loving girlfriend.

I just sit here and don't think about it any more.