Sadness

Several things have made me sad recently. I did not mean this blog to be a place to bitch about how life can be so intrinsically testing.

That being said, I will say that whatever triggers my anxiety is just plain unwanted. I am sick of my manager. my gf, who plays on my sadness like no other, and just the multitides of meaningless lives that jostle and crowd like so much cattle.

I'm content to stay here in the rural wasteland. Why do I call it that? Take a look at the dead and decomposing deer out by the highway or the clear cutting of the trees and places houses used to be.

Sure, it is far away from my job or just going to the store, and the net speeds out here would lose a race with a snail but it is where I have lived for the better part of 9 years.

Freaking cold and gray weather combined with the usual holiday depression make it hard just to enjoy oneself.

The days become a blur after a while. I am in a meaningless job that serves on purpose but to answer stupid questions and waste time.

But I recognize the value of having a job. I was without one from 2003 to 2006.

We shall not have a repeat of that, I hope. My anxiety developed in that time.

Part of Arthelius's story had a lot to do with the decay of emotion caused by the betrayal by a girl. It weighs some time on his spectral mind. And if that was a portent of someting in actuality, I would much rather be a ghost like him.