Big Bad Bill

You might reckon that I like hurricane pictures. I always have.

Here on the day I was considering suicide, which I have decided against (for now), I get a lovely picture of a not so lovely hurricane. Lopsided by a High Pressure wave, this storm is about as photogenic as a smooshed cake.

NOAA's Geostationary Observation Enviromental Satellite (GOES)-East took this picture some hours ago.

Yay, it isn't forecasted to strike the Gulf. We don't need that kind of attention.

Anger and Pain

My workweek begins on thursdays. It is always a suck day as the toad that is my manager is a asshole to the extreme. Today was no exception, telling me to move grills that weigh a considerable fraction of my body weight, then some that equal my 153 pounds and muchly surpass it.

Then the mf talk t me like I'm a dog because I'm slow. I think I injured myangy prstae because at lunchtime, when I sat down, it erupted into a severe pain. I thought that I had to pee badly so I went, and no, I did not. Prostatic fluid and my pee came out, feeling like a wire brush sraping the inside of my peeny.

I could barely pee. It was like water dripping fom a kinked hose, like the cheap ones we sell.

I went and asked the store manager if I could go and he let me.

I went looking for more comfortable clothes to wear but I aint paying $20 for a pair of shorts.

I have hurt badly ever since. My prostate gland feels like a stabbing pain above my testicles, and behind the scrotal area.

I am about to go to sleep. It is always worse in the morning.

Dr L, if you read this, please help me make them understand I cannot do certain things.

I am filing a formal complaint against my manager. Time's right to show my articulated and strong spine. I must stand up for myself.

Arthelius says: "It is those in complacency that are hit the hardest when change happens."

Well said, brother.

Blah

It's blah. How hot can it be for a summer? 102 says the weatherbug now. It is a relatively frosty in here at 89.

I have been hurting, usually in a tolerable way when calm, but severely when peeing or the other thing or standing, stretching, and of course, it just hurts anyway sometimes.

I feel blah because I don't get to see my friends. They work on my days off. I don't feel social much anyway.

Blah. I wonder what it would take to end this pain. It likely involves knives and stitches. No thanks.

Arthelius says: "Yup"

Never mind, then.

Wrongness

I don't know how to describe my feelings. I am a writer, yes, and descrition is not hard for me but describing a deep sadness that comes from despair is hard. It is the oscillating my feelings do.

I am in the suicidally risky part of the down feeling I get. It comes from among other things, the seeming hopeless effort to cure my pelvic pain. What will the MRI say? Nothing? Inconclusive? Why shouldn't I just give up?

Arthelius has nothing to say.