My dad's funeral was today. I made it most of the way through before breaking down during the prayer. When it was over, I went to the casket and said 'Goodbye, Daddy', and just broke down. I don't know why I am hurting so bad.
My dad was paralyzed, had a stroke that made him that way 17 years ago. It was only a matter of time before it happened again.
It did in his sleep on the morning of Feb 3rd.
I don't know what really happened. He had blood pressure issues and felt bad the night before. No sign he would leave us in the night or morning. I am positive he did not intend to go.
Now that he is gone, a constant in my life gone. I wont get the verbal abuse anymore, that won't be missed but the wit, the experiences, the jokes, memories, everything he was.
You can't know the pain this causes me. I can't sleep. I can barely eat. I mean, come on, it's my father, not a child or wife, neither I have.
I can't think of him, I will cry.
I am 39 years old, a boy shouldn't cry. My cousin and my sister's friend both told me it was all right to. It is a sense of loss I was not prepared for but who is, really? I do not know if I will heal from this.
I have decided that it is time to close this blog. I can't be amused or light-hearted enough to write a memorable post.
I will leave this up for a while.
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