Fear

I have lived out here for 15 years. It is more or less what was home. Aged a lot out here, spent a lot of time alone out here.

That time alone... did it cause my anxiety disorder or my addiction to porn? Is it why I am afraid to get a new girlfriend?

It doesn't feel like home anymore. Ever since the death of my father, it has become a place of fear. I don't like being alone here. I am not usually but I when I am, panic sets in.

I don't like seeing the bed he was on when he passed. Have to pass it to go take a shower.

Memory is deeply affected as the places he was, they are still here as they were before.

I don't want to leave this home but I don't want to stay here. It stokes my grief. I am afraid that I would have to go far away, still in my native county, but far from here.

I feel afraid of changes. Where will my aging take place?

I am afraid, this fear stokes anxiety, which stresses, grinds on my P-gland, which has hurt severely for several days.

I will write a post about my male pain later. I will show you my parts so be mindful.