Admission

I have no girlfriend. This is largely because of my agoraphobia. I don't go anywhere. My life experience has taught me that it isn't that hard to befriend a girl. I have friends still back from the days when I could still go out in public. It has never been easy.

Now I turn 38 in less than a month. I am very unsure if I will ever have a child. It is too late. Too late in my life to be a father. I couldn't be a father, I just can't deal. It is why I don't mind using protection in sex.

Sex, the last time was in December of 2009. Could it happen again? Yes. I don't have the constant anxiety-grind I did when I was at wm. I have constant prostate pain but there is a powerful need sometimes, not all the time.

I have gotten so used to self-gratification, it becomes the only way to sate this need. Dr. H, the urologist said it was necessary for prostate health. So, okay. I don't actually doing it, it hurts afterward. And because I shave my parts, the skin is sorta sensitive.

I just want some love. It's not so hard. I am a sweet guy. I have empathy and I care.

If I am alone in my elder life, I could just give up and hang myself. I feel worse when alone.

However, no one cares. People read this and their apathy becomes apparent, just visiting to see things and opinions of mine. No comments in the history of this blog, save for one about the ruin of my car.

Is it so hard to love me?

Something I Love

This is a galaxy cluster in the constellation of Pegasus. It is far, far away. Mind that not all of these galaxies are the same distance away, it only looks so because they are the same part of the sky.

From the top left, NGC 7319

Colliding galaxies, NGC 7318 A and B

The one in the bottom right is NGC 7317

The one in the bottom left is closer to us than the others, it is NGC 7320.

Together, they are Stephan's Quintet. They are an extremely beautiful galaxy cluster.

NGC 7320 is about 39 million light-years from Earth

The other ones are around 340 million light-years away, a long way away no matter what scale you use.

All of them display redshift, which means they are moving away from us, though it is more like the expansion of the Universe is carrying them further away. I will talk about the expansion of the Universe some other time.

I have loved looking at Stephan's Quintet since I first saw it in school all those years ago. Not long after the last repair of the Hubble Space Telescope, it took a fabulous picture of Stephan's Quintet, which you can find on hubblesite.org

It is one of my favorite astronomical objects. If I am ever able to get a potent telescope, likely a Celestron Nexstar of a large apeture, I will look for this and see them with my own eyes. That would be a treat like no other.