Thursday, August 2, 2012

Conundrum

I have a problem.


I am lonely, I have little human contact outside my immediate family. I mean, I am sick of seeing the same people all the time. 


However, I cannot go out and meet people or go see my friends. This has nothing to do with having no money or a car I can drive. Even if I did have money and a car to drive, my anxiety disorder would keep me here. I get nervous when around anyone. I get panicky just driving on the highway. That bites because I live by a highway and it the only way to get anywhere. 


My panic disorder causes me to drive fast if confronted with a panic inducing thing like another car too close or beside me. 


I invariably have a panic attack when I go somewhere. It comes unannounced, usually at an inconvenient moment. I get to where I can't breathe, my heart pounds, I sweat, even if it isn't hot (that was a problem when I worked at wm). 


I hope to meet new people, have new friends, possibly meet a new girlfriend but being unemployed and stricken with social anxiety, what girl would want me? It could be like Jen all over again and I haven't really gotten over her even if it has been over 2 years since I last saw her.


I don't know if I can deal with this double problem. I want to interact with others but I can't do so because of my social anxiety. 


I could say poor me and give up but that is a discredit to me as a human being.


I wish someone could help.

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