Yes, I am Hurting

My right hip has arthritis. It hurts more when it is cold. 

This insignificant to my anxiety and grief pain.

I do not want to end my life. I have many stories yet to write. I have the promise of Sala. But it is too hard and may take a long time. 

A long time I may not have. Anyone feels anxiety about money. Normally being broke does not bother me but this time it is different. I have no help from my sister.

I am afraid of applying for food help. What does that mean if I cannot take care of myself because my SS benefit is too small?

I adjusted to a cheaper insurance plan with more benefits but it doesn't take effect for two months. 

I am hurting intensely mentally. I do not know how I can deal with this. No one wants to help. What's the point in asking?

Maybe I am unwanted. No one likes me that way. Sala? She shows indifference sometimes. 

Instead, she can come to my grave. 

I cannot deal with living like this. The tv bill wasn't paid so I will lose it sometime later in the month. There is not a cheaper plan. I looked. What's the point? Nothing appeals to me anymore. 

I cannot watch movies because I get anxiety and upset. Even ones I know like Rambo. 

The cold causes cedar to pollinate. It wasn't cold enough yet but winter hasn't begun yet. We are barely into the Autumn. 

I will not hurt myself yet but I cannot promise it won't happen. Hurting like this is tough.  

Pain

 Last Wednesday, my foot started to hurt really bad. Its my right foot and I'm loathe to show it all swollen and red.

So, I went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with gout arthritis. It is intensely painful and any pressure on my foot is extremely painful. 

I cannot get meds until another day to go. I can barely walk. I have learned what to avoid and it is doable but damned if I'm going to give up tea. 

I drink mostly water now. It's not like it appeals to me but it's how it is.

They say it'll go away in a few days but it's been almost a week and it's as intense as ever. I don't know what to do but get an arthritis cream that will ease this awful pain. 

I have trouble sleeping and my foot cannot even tolerate the blanket on it. It's the worst thing to happen to me as I age. That is why I fear aging. That dark day two weeks from now, when I turn another year older.

I will post a picture of my foot later. It's still swollen. I wonder if this is penance for something. I didn't do anything to deserve it.☹️

Anxiety

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder originally in 2007. It was re-diagnosed in 2012 as generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

I have anxiety in no matter what happens. My hands shake, I sweat, heart pounds, tense up, can't breathe.

When I bought this laptop on which I am writing this, I could barely talk, panic making it hard to breathe. I mean, it was Best Buy, not somewhere unfamiliar.

I do not believe I will ever get better. I feel it worse than ever.

My father's death has added a new aspect to it, grief, fear, and hopelessness. It makes it hard to sleep, food doesn't taste right. I can't enjoy Pepsi, even, and it is my favorite cola.

I don't feel so bad the later in the day it is. I have anxiety management. I can talk about this even if it is ugly.

I watch tv, I get up and walk around, I focus breathe, take a hot bath, do the m-thing, anything to reduce panic. Panic attacks can come from anything.

I just got my hair cut. I'll take a picture later. I can do that because I know the hair cutter isn't going to hurt me. It is unpleasant to be touched but that is expected so it doesn't cause panic.

I do not have panic in my hometown so bad, familiarity. Sometimes it happens but not often. What I do have panic in is going to any Walmart. I also have it when going to the doctor.

I can go somewhere unfamiliar and have a full-on panic attack. This is avoidable.

I had a panic attack at my dad's service. I did my best to hide it but I was also weeping and that feeling, unfamiliar to me, makes it more intense.

I will always have grief that my dad is gone. I am growing to accept the loss but it is hard. It is just the lonely space in my heart that will always be a void.

These feelings come and go and when they come, severe grief pain. My anxiety gets involved and it becomes a storm like Katrina.

This has to be addressed so I will be going to the doctor and hopefully can get a new medicine.

I will be Arthelius again but it will take time.

Grief

I was hopeful that my 39th year would be better. I mean, when we get past this accursed winter.

My father died on Tuesday morning. He was 59.

The grief is far stronger than I expected. See, I have expected this for the last 17 years, from when he had a debilitating stroke that paralyzed him. He lived with extreme pain ever since.

I do not know exactly what happened to him. I don't want to think it is his aneurysms, his original problem, but more than likely, that is the case.

This is a damaging blow to my family. The pain of loss is too intense, probably always will be.

I will shave tomorrow, lessen my resemblance to him as much as I can as not to cause my Aunts any pain because I look like him enough. It hurts me looking in a mirror.

Arthelius the Ghost has no offerings about death. He merely stands in sympathetic repose.

Any love you have would be appreciated in this difficult time.

Worse?

How sick am I? It seems to be worse than first thought. First, this started as an allergy thing, watery eyes, sneezing and a fever.

But yesterday, I started coughing, a lot. When I woke up today, my throat rages and I have lost my voice. I can talk but not very well. It is unpleasant to talk because it makes me cough.

I don't seem to be coughing up a lot of anything. I feel a strange tickle in my throat like you feel when you cough.

I still had a fever but I have Tylenol which has let it subside for now.

I am hungry but my throat.... I only ate a chicken sandwich, maybe I shouldn't have but damn it, I am hungry.

I get so thirsty. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking tea but I am.

Coughing is painful now. It hurts my throat and makes my head pulse. This is a sinus thing or what?

I don't have the money to see the doctor yet. This would happen in the last week... fucking months with five weeks in them. They are always the worst.

My phone's minutes run out two days before I get paid. That's a 30-day thing, an illustration about the bad part of a monthly payment.

I do not know if I will still be sick when I get paid. I hope to God not. I will go to the doctor if so but assuming I am getting worse, will I make it?

I don't remember when I was last sick like this. I was, I worked at wm then. I self-medicated which I cannot do because I have no money.

It's a vicious circle.

My nose, raw from wiping and being near the heater, seems to choose this moment to peel. I will scrub it with Proactiv before I shave. I don't know if you look at my nose in my shave check picture. Why should you? Noses seem to be an obscene thing to me.

Burping. Been doing that a lot. I don't know what is up with that.

I shouldn't have gotten sick. What the fuck? I am all but a shut-in. I don't leave this place more than three times a month or when I have to do my laundry.

Could I have gotten sick there? I don't think so. I avoid getting close to people, my agoraphobia avoidance.

I don't know how I got sick but until my throat subsides, the mucous river cuts back, and my voice returns, I will be sick.

Hate it so.

Icky Mess

I had an extreme male pain. This is usual when I have to crap. Increased pressure in my colon presses on my prostate gland and ay, it hurts like a motherfucker.

Only this time, I don't know if it is because I am sick or I feel like a Ken doll cooked in the microwave, I lost bowel control. Got in my MeUndies and on my leg as I took them off, contaminating my pants and a towel I wore when I used All Free-Clear to handwash my MeUndies, which are clean and drying.

I am 39 years old. I am aging, everyone is, but will my elder life mean more incidents like this? No, I believe this was an isolated incident because it was partly dia-icky, like a gelatinous mass.

I don't know what caused it. I did swallow mucous as it comes down my throat, no choice. A lifelong ingrained thing, something my mom did NOT tolerate was spitting. I cannot spit, unless I really have to.

And the mucous still flows. I don't know why this illness persists. I drink orange juice and boost the Vitamin C in my over sugar-laden system.

I have allergy medicine but it only helped by stopping the constant sneezing.

Now a cough has started. Not a painful cough, my chest does not hurt, rather when the mucous builds up.

I feel ashamed. Such a stupid mess. I scrubbed myself raw with Dial and then the body wash I use. I will consider this an isolated incident and the next time that severe male pain erupts, go to the fucking bathroom.

My prostate gland issued some fluid, meaning it was squished on. Muscle tension and pressure pressing on it, that is how it got damaged in the first place.

I remember when Dr. H gave me that prostate massage, it was an awful and embarrassing mess and I did not even have an erection. No, pressing on my prostate will cause pain and pain is second only to anxiety that will kill excitement. I don't understand how other guys like a prostate massage. That is agony and a feeling of violation to me.

I am sorry to share this with you. It is what happened and I am feeling ashamed. Smh....

I rechanged my blog back to a dark theme because the white hurts my eyes. I am more light-sensitive than normal. I do not know why. I am going to the eye doc soon.

I hope I feel better soon.

Sick

I don't know what is making me sick. I made it through many years of cold winters and never got sick. It could be something others brought in.

How am I sick?

My nose runs, slowly like a glacier moving. It is watery mucous and sticky. Mucous never bothered me but gosh, my nose keeps running and it gets everywhere. It is nasty.

My head feels like a block of lead, heavy and painful.

My eyes water and light hurts them. Writing this, I can barely look at the white screen.

I sneeze every five minutes or so. It is painful but doesn't hurt my chest like sneezes usually do. Sneezing seems to loosen the mucous in my nose for a moment.

I cannot say if this is an allergic reaction or is something to do with a social illness.

I feel awful.

My booty scratch is healing but itches like all get out. I am surprised I didn't get sick from that. My male pain has also made itself known more than normal. Could this be connected?

I have an issue with my male parts but this is not the post to mention it. I'll talk about it later.

Badly Sore

I hurt my hip falling through the floor. It is hard to walk and sit down. That nasty scratch's pain has intensified. I don't know what to do about it.

I am sorry if the change to my blog bothers you. I do post pictures of things that bother me. My male parts are one of those things.

The scratch picture will be taken over the course of healing. I have one from this afternoon but I will not post it.

I may have to go to the doctor. I will let y'all know if I do. This pain is nigh intolerable.

I feel awful. May have contracted a bacterial infection thanks to that scratch. Nasty floor that scratched me.

I don't know if I can maintain this stupid thing, fixing pipes. I never had to do that before in my whole life before being here.

You don't know how important water is until you don't have it. It is vital to bathing, cooking, drinking, vital to life. You would die without it.

It is just stupid. I may have harmed my prostate gland falling like I did. I hit the bottom of the floor hard on it.

There is no blood in my pee but I have been looking for that every time I pee for several years now. Found it once when I worked at wm. Not since though it feels like there should be.

I feel awful. I wish this hadn't happened.

Painful Scratch

A water pipe burst under the house. I had to crawl through the floor to fix this cheap fucking pvc pipe. Part of the floor collapsed and I fell through it. The water is turned off so the pvc glue can set, hard to do when its 33 outside.

I am so dirty. I took off my soiled clothes.

But when I fell through the floor, I hurt my hip and got a severe laceration to my booty.

I am posting a picture of it so don't get excited. Everyone has a booty.

I am cold, my shoes are wet and I can't clean up. I'm so upset.

This is the laceration.

This hurts really bad. I may have to go to the ER and finally use my medicare.

Male Pain

I have been hurting a lot today. I had a urinary issue when I woke up and gosh, talk about hurt, it was intense.

What is the cause here? Caffeine? Too much water? The m-thing?

No, it is either the urinary trouble or the m-thing. Not to mention having to go #2, that pressure literally presses on my stress-damaged prostate gland.

I can talk about this because it is a daily pain for me, just was particularly bad today.

My parts remain functional but mind says not today because I am hurting so.

The pain will subside if it behaves like normal.

This is a male-specific pain. I know it would pale in comparison to a menstrual cramp or something else female-specific but think, I am not supposed to hurt here, not at my age.

I hate peeing, yes, but it is necessary. I cannot hold it, to be honest and I gotta go. I don't always feel it when it is time, only when I get up and walk around which I do more often than not.

I would post a picture of these parts but this ain't that kind of blog.

Really, think what?

I think I hurt, no, it's more like knowing.

Distress

I have a cyclical problem. it is related to my anxiety disorder like all of my problems are. I said I would not post complaints here again but this isn't a complaint, this is an expression of the pain I feel.

I have a long memory now. I can remember when life wasn't so bad. I was the only male grandchild for a long time (until I was 12). Much beloved. Then they were gone. Through cancer or old age, they were gone and have been gone for more than 20 years.

Now, my life hasn't changed that much since I left wm. Every day it is the same bs. But in the times I was here alone, it was sheer discomfort and panic. I have never been alone.

I don't know if I could deal with it. I do not have a girlfriend and I question if I could even have one. What would she think of me, stuck in my shell? My time with Jen taught me a few important lessons and not the obvious ones like cruelty and indifference (Which are the same to me).

I have no money. When you are on a fixed income, it goes fast. Things cost more, especially meat. Why the fuck do I have to keep eating meat? Do you know how much chicken costs? I can't find an economical good alternative to meat.

My SS is supposed to be about me. Why does it go to these others? "Oh, I need something." Can't say no, don't want to be a bad person, the guilt would provoke anxiety.

I suppose if I killed myself, it would stop and how would it affect them? I am a bad person because I wanted the pain to stop?

Not just anxiety pain. I have a constant pain in my uro-g tract. Not an infection like girls get, prostatitis. It never goes away. It is so uncomfortable to pee. You have to pee, frequently if you are hydrated. It hurts me to do so, then the drip. I have a shave check picture of my pubic area and I had a pee drip, ruining it.

I am upset but not like you get upset. I feel upset because of my pain.

I cannot wash clothes. I haven't been to the Laundromat since October the 3rd. My wardrobe cannot support this lengthy time between washing. I am having to wear the same sweat pants, that isn't so bad. I will not run out of shirts or underwear, I am almost out of socks. I cannot deal without socks.

Now my skin is breaking out. More blemishes on my pale hide, as if the fading ant bites weren't enough.

This has never happened before. I don't know how to deal with it. I sit here in a shirt and my MeUndies. Should my Aunt visit or I am called to go feed the dog outside, oops. I have boy parts you know, big deal.

Anxiety would not let me go where others can see me like that.

I am not shy like that and I wonder if age is gentle to me as it has been so far, will it be a big deal.

This cyclical pain causes self-hate, self-injury, despair, and physical pain.

I have no one to talk to. The internet? Don't be funny. It is a faceless bulletin board in the broadest sense of the term.

I will sit here and try not to hurt myself. I may have a story to write.

When you read this, what do you think? The comment blank below isn't there just for show.

Scourge

I have mentioned the ant problem here before. Since this fucking summer refuses to end with its 90+ degree days, they persist.

I wonder what the cumulative effect of these ant bites are having on me. They are in my clothes basket, they are on the floor, I was bitten on the peena after my shower a while ago.

I don't know what to do. They were on my bed as I slept yesterday. Lucky I wear socks and sweatpants.

I am posting a picture of my most affected left thigh, near the knee. It has the most bites in a particular area though I have bites on my right leg, two on my right foot, one on my left middle toe, I have three or four on my left arm and two on my right hand.

This is my leg. Forgive the paleness, I am a white guy, you know.

I know this will leave my pale hide scarred. I hate it so. It itches and burns and seems to have no relief.

I am most often bitten after my shower, getting the animals' food, changing clothes, and going barefooted, which I never do usually.

It is a scourge.

Hate Sunday

What is the matter on this Hate Sunday? My teeth. The sugar death has an effect surely. I do brush my teeth but not as often as I should. This began when my dental work started coming apart, the reason I have missing parts to my front teeth.

I sorely need to go to the dentist but it will be costly. I will need dental insurance, good insurance. I have problems.

I am self-conscious of my teeth. They don't look bad and have survived years of the powerful sweet tooth. I will start limiting the amount of sugary drinks I get. I can't stop them completely and fuck up my blood sugar, which I feel when I go without it for about a day.

Oh, I have been sad because of this, because of someone dear in the hospital, and the fact that MeUndies failed to have red briefs when they said they would, then told me that solid color won't be a part of the subscription anymore. I will reconsider my MeUndies subscription.

What upsets me more is that yes, I have vs panties. I wore my red ones and they fit better than MeUndies does. No skin showing from the edge along the inside thigh area. You may think it is strange but try it, unless you are grotesquely large in that area, it will be comfortable.

I am not different in that way, I just feel that comfort can be found in unexpected areas.

My teeth though. Valiant for more than 30 years. Is this when they give up?

This pain, if it behaves like the past, will fade eventually.

I took Tylenol and it helped but you can't take too much of those, or lest you have liver trouble and that is bad bad news.

For some strange reason, my male pain has subsided for now. I do have difficulty peeing but that is just because of the physical aspect of prostatitis or just plain aging.

I didn't have a shoe mistake again. I mean, what guy has more than 3 pairs of shoes? I do, mainly because my old New Balance work shoes I wore at wm are still good.

Hate Sunday.

Awaiting True Cold

I have written much about how cold weather is unpleasant and hurts. However, this year, we are waiting for it because of a scourge.

No one knows why the ants are so bad here. They are everywhere. I must have been bitten six times today, red spots on my pasty skin.

This not only itches and hurts, it blemishes my skin. Can't poison them, the cats and such, you know.

I don't know. It makes me so upset. Years here and now this starts happening? I was bitten on the left foot as I took a shower.

Not wearing my glasses in the shower, of course, I cannot see my feet, they are five feet from my eyes.

I hate this. This was supposed to be a good summer but now that it is over, nothing got done. Fucking anxiety disorder, keeps me from doing anything.

My cousin is on my case because I won't go get help. For a while, we didn't have a vehicle here. Then it is the food situation. Someone dear in the hospital just screwed everything up severely.

I don't know how I deal. I avoid if I can.

It will be harsh, the cold, yes, but it will do away with these fucking ants.

Name a place on me and I have been bitten there over this whole summer.

What does this do to our health? I have no idea. Other than upsetting us.

My desk thermometer says 90 right now. Outside it's 75 with extreme humidity.

It is not 90 degrees in here, I think because it is in a sheltered area, it is not as reactive as it should be.

I remember when it said 47. I can't believe I am looking forward to that again.

Didn't Forget

I have been having issues of what I can post in this blog. I want you to read it but I also want to show some things.

I can change settings and make it possible but it would restrict access and do you want that?

I did not forget that it is Hate Sunday. What was bad about today? Nothing much really. I have been hurting but it is going away.

I woke up with the worse male pain. This is because of pressure on my prostate because I had to go poo.

That thing that happens to guys when they sleep happens to me more often than not but MeUndies briefs wont let it. In fact, it sort of stretches them so there isn't that little scrap of my scrotal skin showing when I sit down.

I skipped this month of MeUndies because of inventory issues. I wanted a red pair and they said they will replenish in October. I will see if I can get a red pair to color match. I have 3 or 4 red shirts and two red pairs of MeUndies and a red pair of Male Basics briefs, which fit tightly to enhance the 'package', something I detest.

You don't need to know I have parts to tell that I am male. Of course at Wal-Mart, I was mistaken for a girl by customers on more than a few occasions. You have seen my chest pictures here. Do I have female features? No.

I had panic+ when that happened. Shaken  self-confidence. I started to go to the video store and buy naughty movies to reaffirm my attraction.

My attraction is to females. At that time, Jen was still my girlfriend and a 'cute couple' we were, many said.

I still don't understand clearly what happened.

That's all in the past and so I have hate sundays and general loneliness. I honestly do not want to see her again. Brings back memory and feeling that I do not want.

We are without a car still and that really means nothing since I have no money right now. I do worry about when I do, what then? I have to pay some things. No one is checking the po box either. It will build up and since I get stuff off Amazon and etc... how will I pick it up?

Told you about questions.

I smell iffy, deodorant fails after 24 hours or so and it had been closer to 32 since I last bathed. I did it in the afternoon which was because I was hurting. Now that it isn't so bad, I can tolerate my left hip pain as it is not unusual for me to have, I can resume my normal activity.

So, I will go bathe and read 'The Hydrogen Sonata' at the same time. That is when I read, in the bath, perfect stillness and quiet time.

I don't like quiet usually, it bothers me.

Really Hurting

I believe I hurt my left hip walking all that way yesterday. I walked for 10 kilometers. Really. I had panic sweat and looked awful. I had my mp3 player with me and that made it bearable.

I think it was the shoes. I am getting new ones that don't hurt my feet. My feet seem okay today and the pain in my knees is subsiding but my hip is like 'don't stress me or I will drop you'.

I can barely raise my leg like in a normal step. I have to walk slowly.

I don't know. I stopped drinking milk some time ago and I don't take vitamins so I don't know if I am getting enough calcium. I am stuck with a diet my vegetable hating family has.

Someone dear is in the hospital and that affects everything.

I will go soak in hot water to ease this pain. It does help but if it is a bone pain I feel, I cannot tell. If it persists, I will have to go to the doctor. Why couldn't this happen when I have some money? I don't trust medicare.

I have to go anyway for a new anxiety med. I wouldn't have sweated so much and became dehydrated like I was.

I am sorry if this seems like a neverending story of misery. I did have fun playing Sins of a Solar Empire.

I am trying to write a story as well.

I do wish I was really a ghost. They have no muscles to be sore or bones to worry about. But I will stay here in the earthly life.

Mistake? Certainly Regret

There was a need for sugar. Feel the sugar death when one has it. However, since there is no car here, I had to walk along the busiest highway in the area of Tx in which I live.

I wore my New Balance Trail sneakers because I thought that would be best. Was I wrong.

My feet HURT. I am not used to walking so far. I had anxiety trouble the whole way and panic sweat, my clothes were soaked.

My knees started to hurt as I was coming back. That pain is subsiding but not my feet. They rage.

I have heard people brag about running 10 miles. I walked a total of six and a half and it was the worst idea.

The air temperature was in the low 80s F. The sun was covered by considerable cloudiness that is the tropical moisture we inherited from Hurricane Odile.

I was not sweating for too warm. It was anxiety sweat. I had to wash when I got home. It was hard. My feet and legs raged.

They are liable to be sore when I wake up tomorrow.

I am genetically predisposed to arthritis and gout. Will this provoke it? I hope not. I am used to male pain, not pain in other parts of me and my feet and knees hurt for no reason sometimes. Now that they have a reason, they HURT.

I won't post a picture of my feet. I consider them more private than my private parts. How weird is that?

A Joke Day

Labor Day....

I haven't had a job since the 1st of June of 2010. That was when I self-terminated from Walmart. I had actually left in April of that year on the advice of my doctor.

I honestly believe if I hadn't left, I would have killed myself by now. I just couldn't deal.

Now I am on disability for this fucking debilitating condition I have. I mean, who gets a panic attack when breathing?

I don't know. All I know is that Labor Day doesn't apply to me. I do not work. I sit here at the computer all day.

I miss human contact. I go to the store just one time a month. It is pretty much the only time I leave the house, though I will have to start going to the Laundromat again like I used to do a long time ago.

I am okay if people leave me alone. If it is too busy, I will come back later. I have 'Dune Messiah' to read while doing the laundry.

Unfortunately, I will have a hard time making it to this day because of how I feel.

I am going hungry. There's nothing to eat. A failure in the monthly food budget and operation led to this. I will be okay after tomorrow night as I write this. I have already lost 5 pounds, which isn't a bad thing. I might post a picture of me in my MeUndies to show it off. My booty though....

Seriously, I have long established how I feel about holidays of any kind in my blog. Labor Day is supposed to be the 'end of summer'. Why then is it still 97 F outside?

Summer will end when it ends. The weather doesn't respect the calendar. That was true last Winter/Spring here.

I wonder how many more summers I will get. This pain intensifies during the upcoming holiday time.

I will be able to go to the store tomorrow. I will restore my missing five pounds.

I don't like having a belly but I don't like starving either.

Dia-Icky Again

Am I going to write about every time I have dia-icky? Why not? It doesn't happen very often, usually when I eat or drink or eat something that causes it.

What was it this time? Too much sugar, of course. When I have to make my own tea (I prefer to buy the gallon jug of sweet tea already made) I put one cup of sugar in one gallon of tea.

Okay, this is typical. But I use ice to 'water down' this and have more water than tea. This is a good thing. This makes it less sugary.

When you drink it without ice, as we didn't have any until a bit ago, this can cause what happened to me.

Icky, icky. You know from previous posts I don't like to poo. Dia-icky hurts in a different way.

Boom! Icky....

I cleaned up like usual, Dial and everything. Washing my nether area too much will dry it out and that is not a good thing.

I will ease up on the sugar.

This is a post about a bodily function. Dia-icky happens to everyone some time or other.

Might as well find something amusing about it.

Dia-icky Again

How about another post about a bodily function?

I did not eat for many hours because we ran out of food one day before payday. This is all right, I didn't suffer too much.

But I went to Jack in the Box and I don't usually eat fast food anymore. I do enjoy it but it has a problem.

I believe it is the soda that causes this. I was sitting here chatting with my cousin on fb and it hit me, an extreme pain in my prostate, happens when there is colon pressure on it, typical when I have to poo. This was worse than the normal poo pain.

I went and drip drip, there goes dia-icky. Like water. Icky ew, I don't use tp, I went and re-washed my nether area.

Now I hurt in my prostate area because once it is hurt by poo pressure or the doctors pressing on my prostate in a digital rectal exam, it will hurt for a while.

I could not have sex with this pain. It isn't that I couldn't get hard, I cannot sustain it because it hurts inside. If you know anything about male anatomy, the prostate gland is right under the urinary bladder. The base of the peena is nearby, anchored to the pubis bone. When hard, the peena applies lateral pressure in the prostate and in sex, more pressure and it goes in and out. This is why it hurts me to have sex.

The m-thing doesn't hurt like this but I can't do it when I hurt like right now.

Dia-icky hurts like this. I will avoid fast food for a while as this would have been a disaster if I was in a public place.

I changed into black underwear just in case. Did you know Spanx makes guys' underwear too?

I know this post would bother some people, but this is how it is. I am not shy about talking about this pain I live with every day.

I saw my prostate gland on a CT scan. I was more taken by my pelvis on there, like a deep narrow bowl. I wish I could get access to it so I could post it. I should, that contrast fluid I had to drink was icky gross. I could barely stand it.

I am going to have to go back to urology again. Almost certain that I will get another torturous DRE. I have to give pee, they might milk my prostate, which is embarrassing. That was only done once but that is once more than I want that to happen. I hate that.

I know girls can have a lot of problems in their system but this guy problem is like fuck, can't even pee and it not hurt.

Can't post images like that here but I would if I could. The state of my peena is a good indicator if I am hurting or not, though anxiety causes it too.

Being a ghost, Arthelius doesn't have these problems. Of course, his girlfriend is a tawny haired Wookie female.