Hate Sunday

What is the matter on this Hate Sunday? My teeth. The sugar death has an effect surely. I do brush my teeth but not as often as I should. This began when my dental work started coming apart, the reason I have missing parts to my front teeth.

I sorely need to go to the dentist but it will be costly. I will need dental insurance, good insurance. I have problems.

I am self-conscious of my teeth. They don't look bad and have survived years of the powerful sweet tooth. I will start limiting the amount of sugary drinks I get. I can't stop them completely and fuck up my blood sugar, which I feel when I go without it for about a day.

Oh, I have been sad because of this, because of someone dear in the hospital, and the fact that MeUndies failed to have red briefs when they said they would, then told me that solid color won't be a part of the subscription anymore. I will reconsider my MeUndies subscription.

What upsets me more is that yes, I have vs panties. I wore my red ones and they fit better than MeUndies does. No skin showing from the edge along the inside thigh area. You may think it is strange but try it, unless you are grotesquely large in that area, it will be comfortable.

I am not different in that way, I just feel that comfort can be found in unexpected areas.

My teeth though. Valiant for more than 30 years. Is this when they give up?

This pain, if it behaves like the past, will fade eventually.

I took Tylenol and it helped but you can't take too much of those, or lest you have liver trouble and that is bad bad news.

For some strange reason, my male pain has subsided for now. I do have difficulty peeing but that is just because of the physical aspect of prostatitis or just plain aging.

I didn't have a shoe mistake again. I mean, what guy has more than 3 pairs of shoes? I do, mainly because my old New Balance work shoes I wore at wm are still good.

Hate Sunday.

Hate Sunday

Another sunday.

What is bad about today? Worse than average male pain. Sunlight reflecting off the truck and straight into my eyes. Arguments with my father.

I did not sleep well. Could be the noise people make on this day when my anxiety is the worst.

Should I write a Hate Sunday post every sunday? Why not?

I will try to be more positive later.

Didn't Forget

I have been having issues of what I can post in this blog. I want you to read it but I also want to show some things.

I can change settings and make it possible but it would restrict access and do you want that?

I did not forget that it is Hate Sunday. What was bad about today? Nothing much really. I have been hurting but it is going away.

I woke up with the worse male pain. This is because of pressure on my prostate because I had to go poo.

That thing that happens to guys when they sleep happens to me more often than not but MeUndies briefs wont let it. In fact, it sort of stretches them so there isn't that little scrap of my scrotal skin showing when I sit down.

I skipped this month of MeUndies because of inventory issues. I wanted a red pair and they said they will replenish in October. I will see if I can get a red pair to color match. I have 3 or 4 red shirts and two red pairs of MeUndies and a red pair of Male Basics briefs, which fit tightly to enhance the 'package', something I detest.

You don't need to know I have parts to tell that I am male. Of course at Wal-Mart, I was mistaken for a girl by customers on more than a few occasions. You have seen my chest pictures here. Do I have female features? No.

I had panic+ when that happened. Shaken  self-confidence. I started to go to the video store and buy naughty movies to reaffirm my attraction.

My attraction is to females. At that time, Jen was still my girlfriend and a 'cute couple' we were, many said.

I still don't understand clearly what happened.

That's all in the past and so I have hate sundays and general loneliness. I honestly do not want to see her again. Brings back memory and feeling that I do not want.

We are without a car still and that really means nothing since I have no money right now. I do worry about when I do, what then? I have to pay some things. No one is checking the po box either. It will build up and since I get stuff off Amazon and etc... how will I pick it up?

Told you about questions.

I smell iffy, deodorant fails after 24 hours or so and it had been closer to 32 since I last bathed. I did it in the afternoon which was because I was hurting. Now that it isn't so bad, I can tolerate my left hip pain as it is not unusual for me to have, I can resume my normal activity.

So, I will go bathe and read 'The Hydrogen Sonata' at the same time. That is when I read, in the bath, perfect stillness and quiet time.

I don't like quiet usually, it bothers me.

Another Hate Sunday

It comes every 7 days. This accursed day of slowness, of inaction, of watching football or some other ultimately meaningless thing.

I don't like Sundays. I feel very bad, depressed sort of. I don't know why. It could be the whole situation with the playstation 2.

I am having male pain. I leak when I pee because I can't feel if all of it is gone. When pee stops, is that it? In me, not always. So I get a wet spot in my underwear.

I am wearing CR7 Color Block Fashion briefs. You don't want to get a pee spot in those, do ya? I don't.

I get dehydrated because I avoid drink to not pee. I don't like to pee, it hurts. I have to do it or I could get very sick or more than likely, have an accident.

Normally, a guy isn't conscious of his male parts most of the time. It is just there. My parts hurt, I am always conscious of them.

Aside from that, I hear how dangerous sugary drinks are as I am drinking one. How could I do that? Why does everything I do seem bad or wrong?

I went to the store yesterday with messy hair. Look like a fucking slob with that. How could I do this?

I resist the urge to hang myself. How long can I keep doing this? Sunday will come again, for as long as there are weeks and days.

Last Day of August

Wouldn't you know it? The last day of the month of Augustus is a fucking sunday.

I feel the usual malaise of sundays, more worse than normal. The next two days will be hungry days. It's always those days before my benefit comes.

This particular month has been total bs. I will have gone 32 days without money then. Months with 31 days, then I am normally paid on the 3rd but it was the 1st last time.

I feel so fucking worthless. I would like to be a ghost so the apathy of people would be a natural thing.

I feel guilty for using services, food, drinking the tea. It would be better if I wasn't here to use them.

This will get worse when I go to the store, I feel guilty for getting things, messing up a zoned isle. Getting in the way of the stockers. I know when I was a stocker, people in the way really got on my nerves.

Guilty for driving down the road. I could stay here and not bother anyone.

I feel guilty for having male genitals. They aren't being used for their intended purpose. Why have them? Would I not be better off dead so it will rot away?

But my carcass would occupy a space and take up a service that really should be better saved for someone else of value.

I feel this guilt when I get a haircut, buy something from a store, drive on the highway, I even feel it listening to the radio. I have discovered KCSN, I like that station. Unfortunately, it comes from Cal State Northridge in Southern California. Should a guy from and in Texas be listening to it. Was it meant for me?

Look at radio here, 80% country, 15% Mexican, and K-Love, Urban, and only 1, that's right, ONE rock station, which is a Clear Channel clone station.

Radio is the prime entertainment in my life. It has always been, it will always be.

I feel guilty for using their service. I am not 'cool' like that.

How many people you know where they feel bad for buying things? Going places?

I need a new Playstation 2. I cannot afford a new one. So someone with a used one for sale has to expend effort on my behalf to send one and the Post Office has to expend effort because it wont fit in the post box. All because I needed it to play games I can't on the ps3.

It is my fault. All that effort expended. I am a bad person for bothering people like this.

This summer was supposed to be when I learned to swim. I was supposed to go to the lake. I was supposed to meet a new girl.

None of it happened because I do not belong. I feel guilty going somewhere. Id feel guilty about using the Laundromat because our dryer is down and frankly, HE washers are better. I am going to have to if I want clean clothes.

So I have to get in the way, use machines that someone else could have used and be somewhere where I don't belong.

I feel guilty for not wearing MeUndies today. I mean it is hot and my male pain is worse than normal. I am wearing the Ex-Officio briefs instead. They do not hurt me. I will wear the CK kind later, they do not hurt me. It is my guilt for having several kinds because I feel comfortable.

Was this really necessary? Someone else could have benefitted from these things.

The bottom line is that I am worthless, more so on sunday.

Should you be happy that the month of Augustus is ending? It is another month older you are. Do I deserve the years given to me?