Troubled

I think I have established I have moved. I have moved to an apartment building in my hometown. It is good not to have to drive many miles just to check the mail or to the store. 

However, in the presence of so many all around, my computer's wifi card picks up like 10 signals, it isn't good. Back in the old house, it didn't pick up anything. This may not be a wise way to tell if many others are around but it is true. 

My anxiety feathers have been ruffled. I do not know if my medicine is helping. I am able to do things I wasn't before. 

I 'met' a girl online. I know this isn't the proper way to do it but like I have said, you never know...

What effect does this girl have? She displays the traits of a female, wants something, largely indifferent, unfocused. 

What does she have in common with me? This troubles me a lot. 

Should I let my anxiety feathers open and let her in? Not yet. 

I don't want to be alone in my elder life but is this the answer?

I don't feel good because of this. Anxiety is definitely provoked. 

Hurting More

I am sorry if I haven't been updating my blog. I have not felt like it. I have a hard time writing anything. It is grief, still but I recently started taking Zoloft which has fucked my mind up badly. 

I can't have an orgasm, not easily, it causes aneorgasmia. This is bad for me because, yes, I still feel stimulation like normal, it is that this constant production of fluids and hormones has to be purged to keep it from building up, becoming a focus for an infection.

It has happened before. 

I have this strange feeling, I don't feel like myself. I am sharp mentally yet cannot write. I sleep erratically. I feel mealy-headed. 

I am hurting more in the prostate area. This is related to the aneorgasmia and possibly stress because I am upset that I can't write.

I get confused sometimes when normally, that has never happened. I have a hard time expressing myself. 

This medicine is eroding my mind, it feels. I will ask the doctor to ease off on it to see if the benefit it provides, soothing my hair-trigger panic reaction, outweighs this eroding it's doing to my mind. 

I did shave and took check pictures. I shaved face and body but I won't post any of them if no one asks. 

I want to talk about MeUndies again but now isn't the right time. 

I just feel not up to it. 

Sick

I don't know what is making me sick. I made it through many years of cold winters and never got sick. It could be something others brought in.

How am I sick?

My nose runs, slowly like a glacier moving. It is watery mucous and sticky. Mucous never bothered me but gosh, my nose keeps running and it gets everywhere. It is nasty.

My head feels like a block of lead, heavy and painful.

My eyes water and light hurts them. Writing this, I can barely look at the white screen.

I sneeze every five minutes or so. It is painful but doesn't hurt my chest like sneezes usually do. Sneezing seems to loosen the mucous in my nose for a moment.

I cannot say if this is an allergic reaction or is something to do with a social illness.

I feel awful.

My booty scratch is healing but itches like all get out. I am surprised I didn't get sick from that. My male pain has also made itself known more than normal. Could this be connected?

I have an issue with my male parts but this is not the post to mention it. I'll talk about it later.