Yes, I am Hurting

My right hip has arthritis. It hurts more when it is cold. 

This insignificant to my anxiety and grief pain.

I do not want to end my life. I have many stories yet to write. I have the promise of Sala. But it is too hard and may take a long time. 

A long time I may not have. Anyone feels anxiety about money. Normally being broke does not bother me but this time it is different. I have no help from my sister.

I am afraid of applying for food help. What does that mean if I cannot take care of myself because my SS benefit is too small?

I adjusted to a cheaper insurance plan with more benefits but it doesn't take effect for two months. 

I am hurting intensely mentally. I do not know how I can deal with this. No one wants to help. What's the point in asking?

Maybe I am unwanted. No one likes me that way. Sala? She shows indifference sometimes. 

Instead, she can come to my grave. 

I cannot deal with living like this. The tv bill wasn't paid so I will lose it sometime later in the month. There is not a cheaper plan. I looked. What's the point? Nothing appeals to me anymore. 

I cannot watch movies because I get anxiety and upset. Even ones I know like Rambo. 

The cold causes cedar to pollinate. It wasn't cold enough yet but winter hasn't begun yet. We are barely into the Autumn. 

I will not hurt myself yet but I cannot promise it won't happen. Hurting like this is tough.