Emotive

I am over sensitive. I have always been. When I was a kid, I could not take a joke. I still can't. I mean I was a kid in the 80's and that was before the internet and before this whole outfit.

I wish I could go back. I would make a different life choice if I could. I would lose my masculinity and become transgender. It is too late for that now.

It is not a question of being funny that way, I am not. It is just I hate maleness, other males, everything about it.

I believe I have a female soul, if gender can be ascribed to the immaterial part of one. I am over sensitive, I have anxiety disorder, I panic at the drop of a hat, I am agoraphobic, I don't go outside unless I have to.

The longer this goes on, the more set in it became. I am forever mentally sick like this. It can lead to suicide if it overwhelms but I don't let it.

I feel emotive too easy. Some movies I cannot watch, some songs I cannot listen to. Is this why I lost my girlfriend? I have a hard time forgetting if she appears in my dreams.

I wonder if she ever thinks of me. She has to. I mean, it was over 2 years.

I doubt that I will ever get that close to another female ever again. It hurts too much.

For you who read this, understand something. I share this because it is a window into my daily pain.

Id much rather post pictures of tropical storms.