Stress Guilt

Okay, I did not go to our 20th Anniversary Class reunion. The organizer assures there will be more events in the future.

Really? I have become more progressively worse in my anxiety disorder as time goes by. I mean, in the time when those with whom I grew up were having fun, I took out the trash.

I violated the cardinal rule about taking out the trash. I got some on me, some gnarly things better left to your imagination. I mean, not something strange to me, I used to take out the trash at the store. At least there were no bees like in the supermarket in which I worked, now, so long ago.

I took a shower. My icky pale skin looks different in the daylight. I don't like it.

I have been feeling guilty because I did not go. They wanted me to. How strange that someone actually wants to see me. That is contrary to how my life has been for the last 5 years.

I could not go, I don't want to be liable for the gas required to drive clear across the county.

My debit card is broken anyway. How would I pay for it? I am sooo mad at myself for forgetting it. Poor thing, all melted like that. No telling when I will get a new one, stuck in 'mail pan', what ever that means.

I listened to my mp3 player for a while. I do when doing something unpleasant like taking out the trash. I used to be able to carry it down the hill. Now I use the truck.

I don't know, I did want to go. I would like to see some people but there would be spouses there and people I do not know or haven't ever met? No thank you.

I wonder if this will happen again. An invitation. I intend to use my medicare and see if a different medicine can help me. Doctors.... like a trained monkey. Why can't they figure it out?

The stress caused by this reunion affected me perhaps too much. I have been unsettled for days. It's not clear what I can do about it.

I apologize for the trouble this has caused. I have to avoid stress, I mean, I could talk about my final days at wm. Stress like that made me want to kill myself.

I didn't, obviously. Now, that things have gotten worse, could I avoid that again?

I don't think so.

Being a real ghost simply doesn't appeal to me.