Feelings

I have moments when the shame and depression get to me. I do not talk about certain things because someone might get upset and think it is a suicide plea.

I have a belief that things will make sense one day.

I have a desire to love again.

I have just the protective things I have, music, people leaving me alone. I let the stress get to me.

I was in the bath when they came, gosh, I mean, they could see my peena for a moment. I had a panic attack and stood in the rain to chill.

I am not going to post any more negative posts. I will not hurt myself like that. I am clumsy and have accidents. Cooking... I seem to get burned a lot. The ant bite scars on my leg and scrotal skin. Blemishes.

I do not have anything that I can hurt myself intentionally with. I avoid those things. I avoid letting stress get to me like that by my belief that this wasn't meant to happen.

I have a girl's mental illness. You can say anyone can get anxiety disorder but it is a primarily female condition. Why? What happened to make it so bad?

I have always been shy. Shy to the point of working instead of going to the prom. I never learned to swim because I didn't want to wear swim trunks. When I was a young teenager, there was an incident and ... some things don't need to be remembered.

The house down the hill we used to stay in. The door's hinges were broke. When air pressure changes, like in a thunderstorm, it popped off. It did one day when it was raining really hard.

I took off my clothes and put on my sister's bf's shorts, I don't own any shorts. That dude was much bigger than me.

I ran around the house to get the door but when I did so, the shorts fell off. Naked me in front of the highway.

You have seen pictures of my skin, you know I am pale to max. More so back then in my 20s.

I wouldn't care if you saw me naked now. I got to the point of thinking, I am just a guy. When in totality, my peena is not that big when anxiety-retracted when compared to my body. It would be anxiety-retracted if someone saw me.

I have always been that way. Probably always will. I never used a communal shower. I never use a urinal in the public bathroom. I just have that kind of shyness. It isn't prudism.

I will be okay. I have defense mechanisms if I feel too bad.

My cousin said I was a bad person. Really? I haven't contributed to human extinction through overpopulation. I never hurt anyone. I just avoid the things that cause my anxiety to uncoil.

If you are worried about me, e-mail me, call me, the relevant ones have my number. I will be okay. I will be okay, really.

I am upset that my ps2 has come but the post office didn't deliver it. I will get it tomorrow, even if I have to ask the postmaster.

I will talk about the cyclone threatening the Philippines later.

This bad personal stuff in my blog sullies it, imo.