Irritation

What irritates you?

Bothering me irritates me. I have Skullcandy Hesh II headphones on. I cannot hear you when the music is on. I listen to music ALL the time. I hate quiet. I'd say it drowns out the voices in my head but I don't have those... yet. I am not that mentally ill.

I am getting older. It's not so easy to get up as it once was. I feel weaker than I used to, though that may be the Low T affecting me. I am old? 38 is old? I am not that far from 40. What is old? I never envisioned being old. I thought it would be steady. I mean, my face isn't changing. I don't have saggy skin.

My arthritic future has yet to manifest. I am genetically predisposed to it.

How are my prostate issues going to affect me? Every male has BPH as he ages. What if mine is too broken to endure BPH? For now, it just hurts when I pee.

I don't feel any different from the last few years. As long as my anxiety feathers aren't ruffled, I am okay.

Laying on my bed earlier, I felt it, thump-thump-thump, like a bass drum beating in my bony chest. How has panic disorder affected it? Will it trouble me as I get older? It frankly scares me sometimes.

I wasn't so old when I started this blog. Used to have a quirky sense of humor. As I have gotten progressively affected by Anxiety Disorder, I don't find things funny like I used to.

Is aging bothering you as well? Do you wonder what it will do to you? I will shave tomorrow and post a picture. See how I am aging.

I never thought my adult life would be this way. When I was a teenager, I thought, yes, it will be cool. I could do what I wanted. But no. A basic personality trait (shyness) became a feathered specter that encages my soul.

I am not the same boy I was then. I have changed and not for the better. I am agoraphobic now. I can barely go outside. I'd like to so things but no. I spend all my money so I am not tempted to go somewhere and ruffle my anxiety feathers.

The no love thing hurts too. I thought I'd eventually find a loving girlfriend. Instead, I found an immature twit from California who had no idea what love is.

I have always had female friends. It used to not be hard.

My closest female friend is 27 years older than me. My second closest is my cousin.

If I should make a new one, what will she want? They all want something. They wrap their deep-seated cruelty in sweetness. No, some hurts can be avoided.

I will grow old alone. That is, should my anxiety not kill me first.

I don't want to age, to get older. I hate the very thought of it. But I have gray hairs now. What does that mean?