Bad Year

What happened? First, my father died in Feburary at age 59. Then a few days ago, my mom's best friend died at age 59. 

What does 59 mean? I am exactly 20 years from that age. 

We moved after 15 years out there. Some things had to be left behind. I live in apartment in my hometown now. 

I do not know what is happening. I don't feel good. My male pain is raging and I have been drinking too much tea because the water here tastes awful. I like Red Diamond tea, though I know it may not be good for me. 

I wish I had the courage to overcome my anxiety and find a girlfriend. I do not, though and life is hard because of that, I believe. 

I don't know, things are calm now. I have been getting more sun but I am afraid of getting melanoma because of my freckled pale skin. Also, getting some color (ha, compared to a dark skinned person, I am still white as a cloud) has exposed the cooking scars on my right hand. Boiling water mainly.  I am more careful now. 

I am not happy with the white wall background available here to take a selfie picture. I will do this outside when it isn't sunlight on full blast. 

I haven't been updating this blog like I used to. Been too discomforted to write much. I am back to it now so I will be here.