Worry Pain

I am too sensitive. I have always been. I have ever-more debilitating anxiety disorder and am on disability for it. This is shameful but understand that I cannot just 'go out'. Enough has been written here about that over the years so I won't go back over that. 

I am a guy who hates stepping on snails. There are many around here for whatever reason and snails are not insects or arthropods. They are cephalopods and they deserve respect, some insects do not. 

I am afraid of scorpions, I always have been after being stung as a small child. That memory is still vivid 35 years later. 

I worry a lot. Last Friday, my sister 'borrowed' $123 from me to pay her truck insurance. I have 3 venlafaxine left and that money was to pay for my refill. So now I face withdrawal from a powerful anxiety medication and the return of the feelings I cannot deal with. 

This is ever worse because of something I call doofus Trump. I am very worried about him and what he might do like fuck with Social Security, which is my livelihood. 

Also, I have a gay friend. What happens when no one serves him because it is acceptable in doofus Trump America to discriminate against people of 'unacceptable' sexual orientations? 

The same applies to people of color. They are no less human than anyone else just because they don't look like you. All humans are 99% genetically identical. 

I don't like Islam but those refugees are people. Will it be okay to victimize them more than they have been already?

People who have come to the US from Latin America are not always from Mexico. They escape conditions that may arise here in the US because of doofus Trump. 

America is hopelessly divided. I am on the blue side. I do not feel shame that I am politically liberal or that I support the Democratic Party. I always will. My central belief is helping people, why I have always worked in a store. 

I am afraid doofus Trump will trigger a nuclear war. I have been afraid of a nuclear war since I was a child. I started to listen to the radio all the time then, something that continues to this day and ever after. 

I am afraid he will pull the US out of NATO and get cozy with that monster Putin. Russia was never our friend, I believe that. The security of the West, Europe, the US depends on a strong alliance that has persisted for many years and should always exist.

Angering the Chinese with trade tariffs and economic cuts will drive up prices here, in the US, where things are already getting more expensive. What if they draw a line and doofus Trump goes over it? Would they attack the US?

I worry about all of this. I worry that this situation parallels the ascension of Hitler in the early 1930s. Is doofus Trump really that racist? Seems so. 

I agree with the protestors. I agree that this is bad for America. I agree that misogyny is unacceptable. I will stand up for women as if for no one else. 

What do you know of doofus Trump? For years, he has manipulated his way to success, not caring who he stepped on. He talks like an idiot, more interested in insulting people and inciting violence than talking about policy.

The man is a real estate mogul. He calls himself an expert of business when much of his wealth is inherited. He has hurt people.

Why did Ivana leave him? His misogyny or something more? I could find out but I do not want to look up doofus Trump.  

Speaking of that, that woman, Melania. What of her? She isn't really an American and will be the first lady. It is a sad joke.  

10 years of an ineffectual congress. It didn't change. Now they will rubber stamp whatever ill conceived policy for doofus Trump, their 'ally' who isn't really a republican, you'd see if you paid attention to him in the past. 

They are protesting in Austin right now. If I had a car, I'd go down there and protest with them. 

I am afraid of this whole situation. The things I have discussed here.

I am afraid doofus Trump might lead me into hurting myself. I can't deal with some things. 

I am too sensitive, yes. I am a cat person, too. I am afraid of attention and maybe of women, too. I feel panic when one takes an interest in me. 

Panic sweat. Shaking. Tachycardia. I have high blood pressure now. Inherited from my father. Will my anxiety disorder kill me? Seems likely. 

I avoid salt as much as possible but it is not easy. I should exercise but when just going outside is hard, how? I am staying in an awful RV not far from where I had lived for 15 years. Some things haven't changed. 

I do not know what will happen. I hate that. I always think ahead and not being able to makes me worry. 

I have to wash outside with a water hose. The water is cold. I am naked in a semi-enclosed area open to the back, which faces a densely forested area. I am not shy about nudity but not when I am bathing. I take my glasses off and cannot see clearly. 

I believe I couldn't do this without venlafaxine. As mine dwindles away, I have 3 left, what happens when I run out? I am worried about that. 

I worry that we will have our freedoms curtailed. I hope the US Constitution restricts what doofus Trump can do. I believe he already violates a clause in it, the one about being fit for office. The highest office in the free world. 

How could Americans hate each other? Didn't we already go through this? But I understand the hate on the blue side. I feel it, too. 

I am worried, yes. My anxiety feeds into this, like gas on a fire. I am uncomfortable and stressed because of an election. 

I am worried about living through 4 years of doofus Trump. If that is wrong, sorry. You don't feel what I do. I don't believe you could tolerate it. 

If it is true, that nothing happens, then it'll be all right but I just cannot believe that.