A Genuine Fear

My cousin says it is not bad if I remain single and have no children in my life. I am sure she is not the only one with this opinion.

However, is this why I have a benefit for my anxiety? That I can't have a normal life because of it? I can't. I told you about attention. I don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable.

I do not like using a phone. I have a LG Neon, a phone made to text, not a smartphone with a bunch of stupid applications. I would rather text, I can say it in writing better.

I don't know. I fear that it will end without anything. I don't know if I could have children.

This is not just because of anxiety. I could, after some familiarity, be with a female. Or through anti-anxiety med, it is possible but that has side-effects, especially in the sex department.

My prostate gland is stress damaged. My parts still work but the pain is ever-present. I do not know if my seminal fluid is viable. Why wouldn't it be? I don't recall it ever being tested. If I ever return to urology, I will ask.

I worry that I will be alone in my elder life. I will have the internet, whatever form it takes then, but that isn't the same.

What is the point in having an elder life if one did not contribute? That is my fear.

I have a hope that I will meet a new girlfriend some time. It is just that, I wouldn't come out of my shell for just anyone.

I don't want to be alone in my elder life.