Where I Hurt

In this picture is male anatomy. Forgive me but it is here to show where I hurt.

Notice where the prostate gland is.


In this picture, it is very clear as to why pooing is so painful for me. It is right by the rectum. I have read in many places, stimulating a male's prostate gland is sexually pleasing.

Not so for me. My prostate is a clarion bell of pain, it radiates out from there.

The blue area in the picture is where I hurt when I pee, warm acid feeling and I guess sphincter pain. It feels like it resisted opening sometimes. That's not good, is it?

I remember when Dr. H performed a 'prostate massage' in 2009. He squished it with considerable force, causing me to have an extremely embarrassing reaction. Made a mess, actually.

He said that this must be done every once and a while. However, the urology clinic won't help me with medicare. (What good is it, then?)

My male parts function normally otherwise. I could have a sexual encounter if anxiety did not prevent it. Anxiety can kill excitement like a switch. This happened in my last sexual experience in mid-action. That was so embarrassing, I could feel the beet red blush on my face. I never could do it again with her (Malee).

I have only had 3 girlfriends in my life. One was when I was 24 and Jen.... with whom I had no physical relation. Malee was not my friend, she was a sex friend. I cannot justify having one of those again. It gets too complicated.

I would like my parts removed. All of it but they are not likely to do that without a medical need. I need them if I am to ever have a child.

I saw on CNN today about an old corrupt elderly politician running for Congress. He has a 25 year old 'wife' and a 1-year-old son by him.

This is why I cannot rule it out. I am only 38. I just can't with anxiety.

Arthelius the Ghost, who has no male parts that are tangible, said, 'Not having the constant need is like 'purity'.'

I guess I will not achieve 'purity'.