Admission

I have no girlfriend. This is largely because of my agoraphobia. I don't go anywhere. My life experience has taught me that it isn't that hard to befriend a girl. I have friends still back from the days when I could still go out in public. It has never been easy.

Now I turn 38 in less than a month. I am very unsure if I will ever have a child. It is too late. Too late in my life to be a father. I couldn't be a father, I just can't deal. It is why I don't mind using protection in sex.

Sex, the last time was in December of 2009. Could it happen again? Yes. I don't have the constant anxiety-grind I did when I was at wm. I have constant prostate pain but there is a powerful need sometimes, not all the time.

I have gotten so used to self-gratification, it becomes the only way to sate this need. Dr. H, the urologist said it was necessary for prostate health. So, okay. I don't actually doing it, it hurts afterward. And because I shave my parts, the skin is sorta sensitive.

I just want some love. It's not so hard. I am a sweet guy. I have empathy and I care.

If I am alone in my elder life, I could just give up and hang myself. I feel worse when alone.

However, no one cares. People read this and their apathy becomes apparent, just visiting to see things and opinions of mine. No comments in the history of this blog, save for one about the ruin of my car.

Is it so hard to love me?