Anxiety Rage

I do not know if I still have dia-icky, I have not gone yet since it happened. This is not unusual for me.

When you call me names, insinuate things I am not, just dig and dig, this provokes anxiety. Powerful anxiety. Sweat, tremor, distress. I seem stronger in these times and feel extremely avoidant.

This anxiety is untreated. It is like a monster. Being calm keeps it at bay but how in the fuck can you stay calm when you are called names, etc.....?

It was anxiety like this that almost made me kill myself. It was why I left Wal-Mart all those years ago now.

I don't like being alone, anxiety goes into hyper-vigilance, however, if that is what it takes to end this dig and dig, I must do it.

How can I get help if I have no money? I would be a drain on whatever outfit helped me. Why would I do something like that? It's not right.

I pay about 10% of my monthly benefit for medicare. I have not used it, I don't know how. I need a medicare-supplemental insurance plan to help pay for this sticky mess that is medicare.

What good would it do? Would it cover the metascale trouble that my anxiety disorder is?

I get so upset. I can't write, I can't enjoy things. I just sit here and sulk like a little girl. I am 38 years old, I CANNOT accept being this way.

I wish I was really a ghost, they don't have these problems. Anxiety disorder may be caused by something in the brain. Ghosts don't have brains or any other gooey organs, for that matter.

Instead, I will remain here in my shell and not harm myself. The heat of August is doing that just fine by itself.

It was one of these times when I hurt myself in the past. Much time has passed since then.

I won't hurt myself and have to need my medicare to get help. I mean, I seriously thought of cutting off my male parts. That would be fatal. As nice as that sounds, I am not ready yet.

Oh, one more thing that upsets me to the core. Someone broke the screen of my LG Neon cell phone. I have to get a new one and I am stressing over which one to get. My # shouldn't change, it would be a lot of trouble if it did.

I am posting this picture of the crack if you are interested.