Anxiety at the Store

I drink OJ every day. It is like a health thing. I am prone to being sick but haven't been in over a year. I didn't go anywhere to catch something.

So, I went to the store to get that and some other things. The new store in a neighboring town is huge, can't find anything in it. I went looking for the forzen pizzas and could not find them right away. When I did find them, I opened the case door and picked one, pepperoni, my favorite kind of pizza. When I picked it up, five more spilled out onto the floor. Two girls were walking by and made a snide remark, bitches. I picked up the spilled pizzas and put them back.

Then I go to check out and they were looking at me funny? Is it my new glasses or what? I don't have any facial blemishes at the moment and I did wash my hair before leaving.

Damn it.

The big store did not have any cooking like I was asked to get so I went to the wm not far from it. I am very familiar with that wm, having shopped in it for over 10 years. That anxiety wound up again when I was walking.

Understand something. I am 5 feet 5 inches tall. I weigh around 153 lbs. I could lose some weight but I am not fat. The rest of me is fit. Just my belly.

I am not a big guy by any measure. I feel self-conscious, like a Hobbit amongst regular sized people. Sure, there are a lot of girls my size but I am not a girl. I am not comfortable in any wm to begin with. I served my time in one of the busiest of all wm's. I have not been back in 3 years. Never again.

Is it my jeans? I wore a dark blue shirt left over from my wm wear. Yes, that shirt is 4 years old but it's in good shape. What is it that makes people look at me?

I couldn't breathe ordering tea at the chicken place. I was so embarrassed. I couldn't talk for a moment. Too long without something to drink. That happens too often.

I will just give up going somewhere by myself. I just can't do it. Anxiety is would too tightly around my soul.

If you are so inclined, show some love. I could use some.